Valentine's Day has it's origins in the Roman festival of Luperalia which History.com describes thusly -

Lupercalia was a bloody, violent and sexually-charged celebration awash with animal sacrifice, random matchmaking and coupling in the hopes of warding off evil spirits and infertility.

That sounds fucking gnarly. Our new and improved modern reality is stale chocolates and a bataan death march off to the bedroom for some mutually non-consensual "romance." Valentine's Day has managed to ruin casual sex by creating an expectation that you feel a certain way while you're having it. For decades parents have been parading a phantasmagoria of AIDS and babies past their acne and hormone laced teens in an effort to get them to keep their horny mitts off each other. They should have just made everyday Valentine's Day. Obviously, you could just ignore the weeks relentless propaganda. Us post-modern ironic humans know that such things are fake and gay. Then again, if you really love someone shouldn't you be able to, you know, get it going any time?

So what happened to our bull sacrifices and coliseum orgies? Greeting card companies. And Christianity. But mostly greeting card companies. You see they needed a way to move their little paper doo dads with various panty melting phrases written in them. So they conjured up a very special time of year where the truly enraptured suitor pours forth beautiful verse to his dearly beloved. Of course, you have all the poetic skill of a boulder writing for Buzzfeed, wat do? The greeting card company is here to help. They literally created an insecurity and then sold the solution. It's like Axe Body Spray commercials spawned a global god damned holiday. It's absolutely fucking genius and it must be stopped.

Sometimes capitalism really does need to be saved from itself. Valentine's Day makes breadtubers spewing fat, Slovenian nonsense seem like prescient, possibly urgent, social critics. So I am formally calling on the Kamala Harris administration( let's not kid ourselves) to issue an executive order banning Valentine's Day. It's time to stop corporate America form pissing their con job over what is already a miserable month.