Yogurt and port makes an excellent marinade for baked salmon.

we're in the 21st century, almost all household chores involve putting items into machines and then pressing knobs or buttons. Even air fryers take away most of the work of cooking anymore

Baking is super difficult but any rslur can cook. I just would never trust my white friends cooking chicken or pork chops because you people never seem to cook it right. Its usually dry and overcooked. Your too scared to cook it just right.

I also choose this man's husband, because I hate the way I cook both of those which is why I always purchase precooked until I can afford a proper Sous Vide rig with an overclocked 4090

Baking with a recipe isn't that hard. Just follow the instructions.

Baking is super difficult

dude white women

This is why you grow up in the South with black friends who teach you how to cook fried chicken (on a wood fired stove no less).

Make me a sandwich.

If you're a mayo living a life about as exciting as two slices of wonderbread, then you kind of already are.

Whoa

He's a sandwich?

No, I'm a single guy (lol big surprise there) and I'm lazy af.

he's right though, you can cook pork chops in literally 8 minutes. It's barely more effort than microwaving a TV dinner

1) Laziness and poor scheduling

2) My townhouse has an induction stove so all my previous cookware doesn't work. Combine with:

(A)being single

(B)being lazy

and you get someone who knows how to cook but won't.

8 minutes

poor scheduling

What the absolute fuck are you on about mate?

what do you do then? order in every meal?

Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I eat fruit, yogurt, trail mix, nuts, cereal. I also forget to eat some meals. Other times I get calories from drinking plus what I have in house or what I can order out.

That doesn’t sound bad tbh like you could probably eat healthier but as far as a lazy diet goes that sounds better than what 99% of people would consume daily

I agree with you, minus the alcohol lol. Also I probably could eat out less.

Yogurt is for women

Cooking for yourself is a good opportunity to chip away at that laziness, so it isn't really a good excuse not to. Not to mention, a portion of that laziness could be from poor nutrition.

Maybe your stove is induction, but what about the oven? You can get pretty far just roasting stuff. It's somewhat depressing, but you can cook with a microwave too, if you know how. Do you have enough disposable income to just buy new cookware? Access to any outdoor spaces where you could build a small fire?

Cooking for yourself is a good opportunity to chip away at that laziness, so it isn't really a good excuse not to.

I'm in complete agreement with you. The biggest impediment is my fucky sleep schedule.

You could literally have an induction-useable pan delivered to your door tomorrow from Amazon.

You know you don't have to eat everything up make at the moment thereof right? I cook in batches because I'm lazy

This is the worst humble brag I’ve seen in awhile

To think posting about being able to cook is bragging is a pretty harsh indictment of oneself.

It's like the rest of Reddit obsessing over people not wearing masks. The real reason for posting is they have nothing more to be proud of than wearing a fabric strip.

I used to work with a guy who possessed zero adult skills and it was depressing as fuck. Every day, he'd bring in fast food for lunch and it would be so greasy it would soak through the bag and onto the table. One day, he asked what I was getting into that weekend and I told him I was going to hang out at the house and make some bolognese and maybe cash in my scraps for some broth. He looked at me like I had just told him I was going to be taking kabuki lessons.

"Yeah, I don't cook."

"Why not? It's not that complicated and you're going to have to eat anyways, so why not get good at it?"

"Because cooking is for women."

"Except most famous chefs are men."

"I don't care, cooking is for women."

"Are you dating someone?"

"No."

"I see."

He had a heart attack the next year, was out for some time, then came back with somewhat healthier habits that then degraded back into sacks of grease. All of our sympathy ran out for the guy eventually and we just told him to shut the fuck up when he complained about how shitty he felt all the time.

Pizza irl

He definitely posts here.

I have a penis

If you can't at least properly sear a ribeye, someone should chew off that penis and cook it in front of you like Dahmer 🙋🏾‍♂️🙋🏾‍♂️🙋🏾‍♂️

Albert Fish would advise against eating knobs. You want the sweet ass meat.

She died a virgin

Lolllll Albert Fish, such a kidder 👌😂

He may be a cannibal but he’s no libertarian.

Fish said it "never even entered [his] head" to rape the girl, but he later claimed to his attorney that, while kneeling on Grace's chest and strangling her, he did have two involuntary ejaculations.

...

It was only in March 1935, after the conclusion of his trial for the Budd murder and his confession to the killing of Billy Gaffney (see below), that Fish confirmed to investigators that he also raped and murdered McDonnell.

The more I read about this Albert Fish fellow, the more I do not care for him.

this guy was a real jerk

Maddox (before he became a litigious crybaby douche) had a good article about people who can't cook that really sums up how worthless these people are.

For reasons you already gave, using Maddox as an example is a poor choice.

I know, I know but a lot of his older writing is still objectively good. Too bad he threw it all away over some ex-gussy 🤮

Link?

http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=learn_to_cook_moron

Thank you

Bruh my sister used to literally not know how to cook anything. Like, fuckin kraft mac eluded her.

Then she moved out.

Turns out cooking isn't nearly as complicated as she thought.

Literally just applying heat and paying attention.

Paying attention sounds like accepting responsibility, and as we know that's a slur in 2021.

knew a girl who couldn't manage kraft mac without help it was wild to see

Seriously. All the instructions are on the side and its like 4 things. Boil water, add pasta, add milk and butter, add cheese.

it said "microwave for 2 to 2 and a half minutes" and she literally could not figure out which number to set the microwave to, i shit you not

Oh shit she couldn't even do the mike mac? Damn thats like advanced stupid.

That's crazy. Did you fuck her?

hell nah even i have standards

I work in an industry that makes pretty decent money and the amount of millenial coworkers that I have that couldn't scramble an egg is astounding. These guys spends many thousands a month on door dash/uber eats/postmates because they literally don't know how to even boil water. I understand many of them are single and childless and it's not a financial hardship, but Jesus Christ is it embarrassing.

I have friends that can't boil spaghetti. They overcook it every goddamn time.

I know what al dente means I just refuse to cook them that way.

Enjoy the soup f-slur

I certainly do.

No. Stop enjoying shit

You literally can not stop me, and everytimes you try I get happier knowing I make you mad.

My hated will make it more salty.

Great, I love salt.

High-sodium diets kills people.

What a way to go tho.

I loathe people who brag about their inability to cook. I actually loathe people in general that brag about short comings and thinking its worth being proud about. We need to shame people more. If we did that, maybe people will actually get their shit together for once.

How you like your eggs? Fried or fertilized?

salmon and asparagus in a baking pan for dinner, etc.

🤮

Wtf since when is salmon or asparagus cheap? Maybe asparagus when it's in season but unless you freeze a ton of it yourself it's going to cost you out of season or it's going to be crap. As far as eggs go I agree I don't know why more people can't cook them for a meal. But I have an army of chickens and ducks constantly shitting them out for me so I basically have to live on eggs or they start piling up pretty fast.

A couple days ago I found weevils in my rice so I'm pretty pussed off that I'm about to throw out 20 lbs of rice

That’s the real problem there - if you’re eating remotely well and cooking with quality ingredients, you’re barely saving money over fast food, and investing time on top of it.

When I was consulting, it was absolutely a no-brainer to eat out, and spend the time I would have on cooking and cleanup billing, I could get an extra hour a day in.

I cook more now because I’m married and it’s good family time - and the economics work better when you’re not solo - but still, it’s not some magical moneysaver like people often claim it is.

Please donate to my "Rice Cookers for Incels" charity

I have learned that even the biggest r-slur cooker like myself can cook in a crock pot. It's pretty good stuff and I have leftovers for like 4 days.

Don't forget the time-honored Reddit excuse about the U.S. obesity rates being PeOplE ArE fAt In tHE U.s. bECausE FrEsh FooD Is ExpENSiVe!!11. No. Eating fresh vegetables, some rice, and a fucking chicken breast isn't expensive. You're just fucking lazy and think you should be able to get the same results as someone that cooks for themselves by eating fast food and choosing JuST A SaLAd.

Holy fuck yes, the sheltered idiots who claim produce is expensive are so aggravating. They are practically giving away vegetables. You can get a bathtub full of spinach for like 68 cents. These miserable fatties have seriously never been to a produce aisle. It's unreal.

Not if you're an idiot like my fiance, and keep buying organic produce for 3x the cost.

She sounds like a queen. "Why yes, I eat healthy vegetables. I also spent extra money on them. Enjoy your dollar menu slop, pleb!” Just dunking on poor people.

Back when I was living in dorms I hardly cooked, but that was more down to the shared kitchen space being awful, and not having great options for storing groceries. Are you sure that your friends can't cook, or is there the possibility that cooking would be unusually inconvenient due to their living situation?

I've never been a big fan of cooking 3 meals a day and usually just gravitate towards meals with the least clean up, but it blows my mind that some people never cook, like literally never. How do you justify wasting all that money on take out or premade meals? Cooking can be as simple as turning on the stove and putting oil + meat and vegetables in a pan and if you don't know how to do something it takes 5 seconds to look it up. There's no reasonable excuses if you're not cripplingly depressed.

I'm just not a woman

Then you're reliant on them, which is even worse, lmao.

Complete agreement and I'm pretty sure Drama had this conversation before. I think last time it was brought up that among dramacels, most of us can cook and most of our friends can cook with the exception of the few millennial women we know.

On a similar topic, I once overheard a conversation in the college dining hall where some rich white women and their Asian friend were talking about how one of their female friends with a white-sounding name had totalled two cars and her dad, asshole that he is, is refusing to buy her another.

The Asian friend suggested that she get a bike, since she lived on campus anyway. The white girls ruled that out because the friend had tried riding a motorcycle, but it was a bit too scary and getting a license would be a bit too much of a process. Plus, if she totalled the motorcycle that would be game over.

The Asian friend, stunned, repeated the suggestion to "get a bike. As in a bicycle." The white girls tittered with laughter as in laughingwhores.jpg shocked that anyone could seriously suggest such a thing. "And do what with it? Bike to class and the grocery store?" they laughed. He, growing upset and even more confused, practically yelled "yes!" The girls stopped laughing, but promptly handwaved the apparently obvious fact that this wouldn't work, and just moved the conversation back to how unfair the situation was. The guy let it drop.