As a enthusiast of shane dawson scandals, I believe it's time to try and explain every problematic thing Shane Dawson has done. Let's begin

background

Shane Dawson is a very popular american youtuber who mainly makes videos about conspiracy theories and petty youtube drama. He has over 18 million subscribers on his main channel and is notorious for his many, many, many, many, many controversies. From cumming on his cat to doing blackface.

racism

Shane dawson has a LONG history of racism. In his early youtube days he made many racist jokes. But atleast he had the excuse of it being "years ago"

but now heres a more recent example

and heres some instances of shane's past racism:

He has also done blackface many times as seen in the previous videos.

(this will haunt your dreams)

And those videos are just the tip of the iceburg While shane dawson has hours of racist content, most of them are just old edgy jokes. His racism is probaly the most boring kind of scandals that he has had. So thats why I decided to touch on it very briefly here.

Only one more notable thing will go into this category

while most of his racist jokes were made many years ago, which he uses as an excuse, the following video is extremely recent making it quite unique.

This video was made by shane to make fun of a singer he didnt like. He basically tried to own said singer by being blatantly racist in song form. So here is the video:

This song is sexual assault to my ears

pedophilia

While in his podcast "Shane and friends" he said some fricked up shit, not only is this fairly recent but he said this completely unironically too

I will just let the video speak for itself

After getting tons of backlash over this, shane dawson made a video defending himself

I, shane yaw, my real name

Holy shit he's using his real name so that means hes dead serious im pooping my pants

shane has also had numerous clips of him kissing with underage fans

not exactly bad on its own, but considering his other statements it makes these incidents alot worse

zoophilia

In his podcast, shane dawson told a story about how he came on his cat cheeto. He never once stated it was a joke in the podcast

after three years, this clip resurfaced and people flipped out, causing shane dawson to reply with this imfamous tweet

then this old clip was dug up

if shane dawson made out with his dog, whats saying he couldnt have came on his cat. But we wont know for sure if he came on his cat or not

his apology

in 2020, many people started digging up all his old controversies and a hate mob formed on twitter. Shane dawson was cancelled.

Shane tried to bounce back with a pathetic apology

Nobody accepted his apology and shane dawson's apology

shane later went live on instagram and had a complete meltdown over tati westbrooke's exposing video on him. Thustly ruining his career

shane completely went off the internet and went silent until 2022, where he would start uploading videos again. But by this point everyone forgot about him and he was irrelevant

and there it is, shane dawson's controversies explained. Holy shit this was hard.

As any dramatard not living under a rock knows, When John McAfee (An actual Yogi) got Y'alled and the final post on his Instagram (posted barely minutes after reports of his death started coming out) was Q. Then the IG account got shut down and this led to a lot of colourful conspiracies. A post on arr drama was made linking to his IG here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Drama/comments/o6s6y6/breaking_instagram_just_posthumously_banned_john/.

Searching for drama, I opened the Other discussions tab and discovered a subreddit: r/SaltyArmy

The subreddit logo is a picture of DDR with the text "Orange man good" and the content is basically just Trumpcel stuff posted by just one overinvested guy. What caught my eye was the sidebar and sub description.

Common Question

Q: Why is this Sub/Post NSFW?

A: This Sub is a Sample of a Balanced Societal Rhetoric. This Rhetoric comes in many forms & echos the formation of Societies best & worst. Not all Post, Comments, & Rules achieve a counterbalance mindset so they are not suited for all viewers. Discretion is advised.

When they ask you to explain what the r/SaltyArmy is:

Liberal Independent Conservative Knowledgeable (L.I.C.K)

Methodical Yearning (M.Y)

Based Analytical Logistics Loyal Strategic (B.A.L.L.S)

About Community

The BeachHead of Reality! We will call open the dogs of war and stand on the Salt Mound of JUSTICE. We will rise above the fray. We will decode, deconstruct, and report our findings. We never asked for WAR BUT WE SURE AS HECK GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM. Many eye's make great bedfellows. Many Steeled Hearts make great companions. And many Friends make small enemy's. Now ask yourself "WHO ARE YOU?" Join the SaltyArmy so the Salt won't over take you.

The guy that runs the sub has this banger comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/ShitPoliticsSays/comments/k19483/im_not_an_emotional_person_im_not_a_huge_biden/gdn2tw8

It's recommended that the blue pill be inserted anally to comply with W.H.O standards now.,

Here he is welcoming people to his sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/SaltyArmy/comments/klj5vj/welcome_now_lets_get_to_it/

r/SaltyArmy Home, FRICK REDDIT we will use their tools against them.

"This is My Station There are Many Like it But This One is Mine."

We will call open the dogs of war and stand on the Salt Mound of JUSTICE. We will rise above the fray.

We will decode, deconstruct, and report our findings.

We never asked for WAR BUT WE SURE AS HECK GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM!

Many eye's make great bedfellows.

Many Steeled Hearts make great companions.

And many Friends make small enemy's.

Now ask yourself "WHO ARE YOU?"

Join the SaltyArmy so the Salt won't over take you.

All snappy worthy.

While the sub is restricted and the owner just posts stuff that you'd expect from a Daddy fan, I'm surprised that it still hasn't been noticed by the admins or AHS. Taking bets: What do you think will happen to the sub in the near future?

A. Gets Banned B. Will continue getting more and more shizoid, reflecting the owner's slowly spiralling down mental state

Invest in dramacoin and pray for the latter to happen!

Archaeopteryxes are about the size of a blackbird and are flying creatures that are considered the evolutionary ancestor of modern birds. They have two wide wings they use to fly and glide. However, unlike modern birds, archaeopteryxes have bony tails. They have beaks with sharp teeth which they use to tear flesh, for they are carnivorous. Prey is killed using their hyperextended second toes that hold a large claw.

We're not going to be talking about this extinct species. Instead, I'll be talking about three public freakouts. Your job is to decide if it is justified or not.

---

Who will clean your pottys?

This is a favorite of mine. It takes place om The View during a fierce debate surrounding Trump's anti-immigrant stance. In a bid to prove Trump's racism, kelly osborne makes a racist statement herself. She asks "if you kick every latinx out of this country, then who will be cleaning your potty Donald Trump?!" Her comment immediately elicits gasps and the camera hilariously pans to one of the latinx hosts who admonishes her.

Do you think she was being racist, or was she making a good point?

---

father spanks children for stealing

In this video we see a father whip the shit out of his kids for stealing. This is an ineffective form of parenting. As wikipedia tells us:

>Numerous studies have found increased risk of impaired child development from the use of corporal punishment. Corporal punishment by parents has been linked to increased aggression, mental health problems, impaired cognitive development, and drug and alcohol abuse.

It looks really sore and I'm sure those kids will never forget it. Imagine the damage that's been done between parent and child when violence is introduced.

Do you think the father did the right thing?

---

Look who's leaving

There's some sort of awards ceremony going on at a high school. It's clearly been going on for too long and some parents are leaving. The principle says "look who's leaving, all the black people!". This causes an uproar which then does cause all the black people to leave. In a subsequent interview, the principle blamed the ordeal on Satan.

Do you think she was making a fair observation, or was she being racist?

---

Conclusion

I think I got rejected by the same person twice. I'll write a long-winded post about it soon. Oh well, I think I need to learn to get over it. She doesn't have feelings for me, and that's the deal. Tune in next time when we discuss the DC Snipers.

Avery, 26, Austin, TX

Career:

• 44k at some car company "building cars"

  • paid hourly, thinks it's fairly stable 40 hours a week - 10 hours a day 4 days a week, sometimes 11 or 12

Personal Life:

• Wasn't her first choice to move to Austin, she moved here because her friend already works at the car company

• 800ish rent

• Most of this section got lumped into financials

Financials:

• Checking Account

  • Overdrafts

• "I live above my means"

• Credit Card 1 ($369) timestamp

  • Paid $45 on it

  • Made $116 in purchases

  • $10 in interest added

  • She tries to explain why she hasn't paid if off - she divides her payments between her paychecks???

    • Mentions at least 5 other credit cards

• Credit Card 2 ($450) timestamp

  • Disney Rewards Card

  • Minimum payment $40

  • because she used to go to Disney but hasn't for a very long time

  • Sally Beauty $50 purchase "on a whim"

  • Also some eating out

• Credit Card 3 (2051) timestamp

  • $73 minimum payment

  • $53 interest charged

  • $30 in new purchases

    • "I needed an outfit for a concert"

    • Actually she went to Taco Bell and a Boba Tea place

  • "I'm still making my payments, that's all that matters"

  • Mentions that she will be going to see a couple more concerts. 21 Pilots and a band whose name I can't make out

  • Claims the food purchases are justified

  • Some weird explanation about how she couldn't use her card to get a protein bar and water so she went to get taco bell instead? (I assume she means the vendor didn't have a card reader?)

• Credit Card 4 ($492) (Walmart) timestamp

  • 28 minimum monthly payment

  • No new purchases on this one?

  • She usually uses it but didn't this time?

• Credit Card 5 ($5'004) (Discover) timestamp

  • She bought a computer on there?

  • Minimum payment $125

  • Interest $104

  • She doesn't really understand how interest works and has been trying to pay slightly more than minimum on all her debts? timestamp

• Credit Card 6 ($136) (Hot Topic) timestamp

  • There's a $3 fee on it? "What do you mean fee"

  • $30 minimum monthly payment

• Student Loans timestamp

  • Something about her mother taking out student loans too on her behalf and she's paying for those as well? I didn't really understand this one

    • her mom's loan is on deferment but she's still paying it while on deferment (she really doesn't understand how interest rates work)

    • Later clarified that her mother used her brother's credit to take these loans out? He knew and approved it

  • Some talk about family situation, nothing super interesting she mentions that she likes to give expensive gifts, sees that as a need not a want

  • Didn't catch how much she's paying off for the mother but she herself has $5'162

    • Was paying it off while in school - went to school for theater, got degree

  • Going to go back to school for "advanced manufacturing" - her job is covering it? Community college (ACC)

• Caleb stimming timestamp

• "So what do you do when you are low on money on your checking account but only have your credit card to survive?" timestamp

• Car (Toyota Camry) (31'972 balance) timestamp

  • $650 monthly payment

  • Storytime - weird ex-boyfriend story

  • Purchased March 2023

  • 6 year agreement

  • She thinks a 9% interest

  • Scratched on the side, damage to the windshield

    • Heat damage on the windshield? Apparently you want to roll windows down when it's very hot?

  • valued at maybe 21'000

• Income 3617 timestamp

  • "I've never really checked my finances to be honest with you"

• Checking Account timestamp

  • Highlights a nintendo charge, some eating out, google play, playstation network

  • 5 overdraft charges in a row

  • She Klarna'd some tickets and a $100 Back to The Future Lego set

• Other people borrow money from her??? timestamp

  • Her mother borrows money from her sometimes about $100? Not every month? Just rarely???

  • She overdrafts

  • "That's only once"

    • "No"

• Funny drama confrontation about her future in society timestamp

• Confrontation over phone finances timestamp

Finances Pie Chart timestamp

AUSTRALIAN WOMEN BEHAVING BADLY

Also known as Down Under, Australia is the smallest continent, and it consists of three countries, namely: Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, and Australia. Today, we will discuss three Australian women who were naughty and brought shame to themselves. Before we dive in, I think it would be necessary to give a little background regarding the Australian continent.

Papua New Guinea

When the continent is discussed, Papua New Guinea is often neglected, so it would be wise to discuss this interesting country briefly. The islands of Papua and New Guinea were discovered by the Western world in the sixteenth century by Portuguese and Spanish explorers. In 1884, Germany took control of about a quarter of the islands, calling it German New Guinea, and plantations were established. In the same year, Britain claimed control of the Southern coast of New Guinea and called it British New Guinea. It was established as a protectorate, though ownership of this protectorate would be passed to the Australian Commonwealth in 1902.

Australia forcibly seized German New Guinea during World War 1, and during the Pacific War, the Allies defended the territory from Japanese invasion until Japan surrendered in 1945. Following this, Papua and New Guinea would be merged to form what was known as The Territory of Papua and New Guinea. While it operated as a single body, it was still under the control of the Australian government. In 1975, the territory freed itself from Western control and became an independent State.

New Zealand

New Zealand is an island country consisting primarily of the North Island and the South Island, as well as over 700 smaller islands. It is regarded as one of the last land masses that humans settled on.

It is believed that it was found by Kope, a Polynesian explorer, in the 14th century. The Polynesians settled here, eventually forming what would become the Maori tribe. The Maori's way of life was disrupted when European colonialism began. In the 17th century, Abel Tasman the British explorer discovered New Zealand, and not long after it was fully mapped by James Cook in the 18th century. Conflict arose, resulting in large swaths of Maori land being seized by British colonizers.

Today, New Zealand is part of the Commonwealth, and large strides have been taken to restore the dignity and wealth of the Maori. The country is also noted for being one of the first in the world to give women the right to vote.

Australia

Today, of course, we'll be discussing Australia. Its colonial history is a long and brutal one with effects that permeate into the modern day. With the arrival of the First Fleet on the island in 1788, Europeans were confronted with a strange land that they often did not understand or appreciate.

Europeans viewed the Australian land and people as ancient, primitive, and endemically resistant to progress. Such judgments reflected the Europeans' confused and defensive reaction to ecology and a way of living in a land very different from their own. This reaction allowed the Europeans to legitimize their colonization by casting themselves as superior to the ‘savage' Aborigines.

Their failure to appreciate the Aborigines' knowledge is evident in the Europeans' responses to fire. Although many early observers recognized that the Aborigines set fire to the land, they were at a loss to understand why and certainly did not see it as a crucial land management practice. Such an unthinking dismissal of an ancient practice is characteristic of the Europeans' views of the Aborigines as uncivilized and backward.

With the contextualization out of the way, we can begin our discussion on the three women. We'll be looking at what they did, what the public reaction was, and how the women reacted to the consequences of their actions. The three women are:

• Mel Greig

• Belle Gibson

• Raina Thaiday

Without further ado, let's begin.

---

Mel Greig

Born in 1982, Mel Greig is no stranger to the media. In 2011, she participated in the Australian version of The Amazing Race, and she has also written for publications such as Yahoo Be.

In 2012, she began co-hosting the Hot30 Countdown on 2Day FM with Matty Acton, and then Mike Christian. This job wouldn't last for long. In December of the same year, she and her co-hosts decided to pull a prank. You see, at the time, Catherine Middleton, Princess of Wales, was in hospital in London. This was big news, and plenty of New Zealanders were sending their best wishes to the princess.

Mel and Mike pretended to be the king and queen, and they phoned the hospital, asking about Catherine. The phone was picked up by Jacintha Saldanha, a nurse at King Edward VII Hospital. Jacintha fell for the joke and even proceeded to forward them to the nurse who was taking care of Catherine. You can listen to the whole thing here:

Personally, I can't see how not one but two women fell for that. Jacintha was mortified when she discovered she had been bamboozled. Unable to face the humiliation, she committed suicide and left a note stating that the prank was the reason she did it.

The suicide caused a great backlash, and advertisers began boycotting the radio station. Mel was subjected to online bullying and hate mail which, in a strange turn of events, made her suicidal. Mel has taken responsibility for her role in the prank, and she has publicly expressed her regret at ever doing it.

I think she is an otherwise good person, and it was just an unlucky string of events that led to her being named in a suicide letter.

---

Belle Gibson

Belle Gibson was born in 1991, and by all accounts, she had a normal childhood. In her teen years, she picked up skateboarding, but that didn't last long. It is believed she dropped out of school in Year 10.

In 2013, Belle publicly claimed to have cancer. Not just cancer, but multiple cancers, including brain cancer and blood, spleen, uterine, liver, and kidney cancer. Shocking many, she claimed that she was shunning conventional medicine and treating herself through healthy eating.

Encouraging others to take the same route, she released an app called The Whole Pantry which outlined healthy eating for people with cancer. She also released a cookbook of the same name. Forever generous, Belle Gibson also claimed that a percentage of the proceeds would be going to charity. Her health claims continued, and she stated that she has had multiple heart surgeries and that she once suffered a stroke.

Of course, this couldn't continue indefinitely. Eventually, journ*lists began sniffing around and realized that Belle was lying a lot. Eventually, it was unearthed that she had never had cancer. She bamboozled people with a sob story to get them to buy her book. She also gave false hope to cancer patients and quite possibly turned them off conventional medicine.

Since the uncovering of her lie, Belle has been publicly shamed, and she received a hefty fine for making false claims about donating to charity. She has not paid these fines, which has led to her house being raided at least twice. She now claims that she is part of the Omoro tribe, though the tribe has denied this.

I think she's cute, and she should be forgiven.

---

Raina Thaiday

Despite the extent of this tragedy, there is very little information available on it. Raina Thaiday was a woman known to have schizophrenia. Despite this, she had at least nine children, and she lived with them, along with her neice and her child, in a single home. Her first child she gave birth to when she was 14.

Her oldest daughter, Norena Warrena, has described Raina as a very loving mother who was close to all her children. She was also a chronic marijuana user, which did not do favors for her mental health.

In December 2014, she had a schizophrenic episode that started with her killing the family duck and cleaning the house obsessively for a week to rid it of evil. A dove told her to kill her children, which she did. She killed 7 of them and a niece. The youngest victim was 2 and the oldest was 14. Her weapon of choice? A knife which she used to slash all the children in the home before she turned it on herself and stabbed herself 35 times.

She did not die, and after hospitalization, made a full recovery. She was put on trial for the murders, but it was found that she was not of sound mind when the murders occurred. Hence, she was taken to a mental healthcare facility instead, where she resides to this day.

---

CONCLUSION

Thanks for reading. Writing these is a nice distraction from the horrors of life as a poor incel. Sometimes I get so lonely it physically hurts. Tune in next time when we discuss the best Oprah episodes.

Prev: Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch.4

Hello. Apologies for the lateness, some IRL happened and such and all that.

It is the 1st of Granite of the year 254. This year, you will be exposed to the brilliant tones of Dwarf Fortress as I have become too used to seeing it.

I have been left with a decently prosperous fortress, and the dwarves are happy.

If we are surviving, we can push onward. The deepest mark we have left in the stone is at Elevation 29, in our central stairwell. The depths of the world will make us much more prosperous, if we can exploit them.

...However, that will have to wait for a moment.

The siege is large, and our military is unlikely to win in a straight fight. A full alarm is declared, with the gates to the outside closed.

The dead reach the KOMPACTOR,

and it is hungry. Several dark hunters are pulverized.

Back to delving, then. An exploratory borehole is made in a section easily closed off.

...and somehow, we miss breaching anything at all. At -116, we hit semi-molten rock. Very well: magma forges are my favorite. Let's ignore the siege outside and get at this stuff.

After some careful delving, we find what we're looking for. Hot stuff.

Something else, too.

It sure is pretty, but this year's project is magma exploitation now.

First, a mood to help along, though. Exciting! Mineral gathers everything needed, and works away. The creation ends up being Ethbeshtaron Tureltunur, a chert scepter.

Not particularly interesting or valuable, but it is certainly a sign to move forward with leadership as we move into

Summer

Work on the forge-area starts in earnest, though dwarves are exceedingly cautious despite knowing full well that they're above the magma. Meanwhile, the undead climb the tower noticing the main gate is open, which is great for us as they go in one by one, dampening the mood but being easily dispatched. Due to the location on the borehole and weight of the stone, work is exceedingly slow as many dwarves must hold off the trickle of undead.

Autumn

Yep, work is slow. Bigger concerns on the surface, just boring ones.

To distract from the forgeworks, another mood! WillowWalker creates Tadenshal, a set of tetrahedrite mechanisms.

And at last the forge is up.

Winter

A smelter follows, with the Magma Crafting Area now fully completed. A decently-sized area for future storage is dug on the level above. To commemorate this occasion, pig iron and steel are ordered to be made off of this smelter. The one to make the first steel bar powered by the depths of Armok's creation is Erush Zefonsebïr, a Fish Cleaner necromancer named after nobody.

Lor Cattenkadol is possessed, going less smoothly. My assumption is that a type of thread we do not have is needed: yet, it is late winter, and finding cave spiders may prove too long an undertaking. Still, orders are sent in to make the stuff as soon as we have it. MatsurisAhoge is appointed as our manager, as the previous holder was needed for military work too often and orders kept not getting put into the list.

---

Overall, an uneventful year, with the dwarves only whittling at the invasion force while the underground project is worked on. But with access to magma, what might the next overseer be able to do? The dwarves are happy enough, the supplies are full enough, and there are many options available.

My successor @BFBugleberry will be sent the save shortly after I fricked up nameclicking the first time. Best of luck!

Player list in order of succession:

@60horsesinmyherd

@Cream_a_da_crop

@s_a_n_t_b

@Spysix

@searcher

@BFBugleberry

@Rankine_911

@Yasharn

@Losercel

@Ninjjer

@duck

I was going to post this with my skydiving story tomorrow, but I thought I'd get this out the way first instead of making a 10-page post that covers a bunch of unrelated topics. I've also got a manicure appointment for Monday and a trip to the psychiatrist on Tuesday. Maybe I'll wait for Tuesday to cover skydiving, manicure, psychiatrist visits, and gynophobia in one go. But who knows? I was supposed to write a Holly biography months ago but that hasn't happened.

---

The Adventures of Pinocchio

I recently read this text and it had an incredible impact on me. I don't know why this is the archetypal book about lying because very little of it actually concerns the deed. Minimal scenes feature the whole nose-growing gimmick from the puppet.

The overwhelming majority of the text is in fact Pinocchio getting lied to and repeatedly swindled. Far more than “don't lie”, the underlying lesson is “don't be exploited”. As the book highlights this is a position you can mostly avoid by living the straight and narrow life, and doing as you're taught.

I related to this book a lot because I feel like I made the same mistakes the puppet did and faced some of the consequences. Since childhood you're told that it's pretty simple what's expected of you - get a respectable degree, get a good job, marry, and start your own family. When you're in your early twenties this sounds like SHIT. You gotta put on a button-down shirt and be a normie professional? Heck no, I'm special, I'm asexual I'm going to be a famous novelist I don't need your outdated boomer crap. You're being heteronormative!

I was swindled a million directions by folks promising me happiness and riches through all these alternate paths. It's false. The first thing I was told was the correct one, and if I had just continued doing that I would not be facing none of the problems I'm tangled in now.

This is not to say that no other life will give you fulfillment. There are good reasons sometimes to not be a normie - you're gay, you're incapable of monogamy, you're horribly disabled, you're a genius whose time is better spent on a project. But the truth is that it is exceptionally rare and unlikely that you will succeed with these paths. Being a boring normie will bring you the most happiness in almost all cases.

I'm witnessing this now with my parents. They're not perfect people, but they did the normie road, and they're feasting on the fruits of their labor. They both retired in their early 60s and they're financially well-endowed. My dad buys sports cars for fun and picks up random hobbies like playing the keyboard. My mom gets to enjoy finally resting after a long life, and she has no financial issues to worry about. They also have each other in old age.

Holy frick I want that life. I want to retire at 60 and have a loving wife to grow old with. I don't want to work until I die, I won't want to rent until I die, I don't want to be poor when I'm old - that is all suffering, intense suffering, but you don't even anticipate it when you're in your 20s because your brain's not fully developed. Well, some people are mature enough to plan out their lives. I'm not one of those people.

Ultimately, Pinocchio is a puppet in multiple ways:

a) Physically - which needs no explanation

b) Socially - he strays from the straight and narrow, and refuses to work, and it results in him being a puppet to those offering him the promise of an idyllic life. If he just worked and earned his own money, he would be no slave to those around him, and there would be nothing they could offer him to control or tempt him.

c) Biologically - he is a slave to his impulses. He is lazy and hedonistic. Being a slave to these drives causes him to avoid work and seek pleasures however troublesome they may be. He becomes a human when these impulses no longer control him. This is the point where we stop being puppets - when the base impulses of our brains no longer manipulate us. If you can get angry and not be driven to violence, you are not a puppet. If you're lazy and you still go to the gym, you are not a puppet. You are a real human - the opposite of an NPC.

So I want to be a good boy, a real boy, a human. How much of me has to die for this to occur? Is it a matter of change, or a case of simply finding the right situations? The truth is that it is probably both. I am in need of social skills, but I also need opportunities to be a human, and they don't exist sitting in front of my computer.

My favorite quotes from The Adventures of Pinocchio

1. You scoundrel of a son! You are not even finished, and you already disobey your father! That's bad, my boy - very bad.

2. Woe to those boys who revolt against their parents, and run away from home. They will never do anything good in this world, and sooner or later they will repent bitterly.

3 I know I have been a very bad boy, and that the talking cricket was right when he said, “Disobedient children never do any good in the world.” I have learnt it at my expense, for I have suffered many misfortunes!

4. My boy, never trust people who promise to make you rich in a day. They are generally crazy swindlers.

5. I have learnt that to earn money honestly, you must know how to do it with the labour of your hands, or with your brains.

6. How many dreadful things have happened to me! And I deserved them, for I am obstinate as a mule and deceitful as Lethe himself. I always wanted my own way, and never listened to those who loved me, and who had a thousand times more sense than I had. But from now I shall lead a different life, and become an obedient boy. I have learnt the lesson that disobedient children never prosper, never gain anything.

7. I wanted to be a good for nothing, and a vagabond. I listened to evil companions, so I have always been unlucky. If only I had been a good boy, like so many others - if I had been willing to study and work, if I had stayed home with my poor father - I would not be here now in this lonely place.

8. He was ashamed to beg. His father had told him several times that only the aged and the crippled have a right to beg. Poor, really poor people in this world - those who really deserve help and pity - are those who , by reason of old age or sickness, are no longer able to earn their living by their own labor. It is everybody else's duty to work; and if they refuse to work, and are hungry, so much worse for them.

9. Remember that every man, rich or poor, must find something to do in this world; everybody must work. Woe to those who lead idle lives! Idleness is a dreadful disease, of which one should be cured immediately in childhood; if not, one never gets over it.

10 Boys who study always make those who don't small by comparison, and we don't like it.

11. “What can I do to deserve to become a man?” “It's very easy; you begin by being a good boy.”

12. Children who love their parents, and help them when they are sick and poor, are worthy of praise and love, even if they are not moels of obedience and good behaviour.

---

Being overwhelmed

Life isn't perfect, obviously. You'll do things you're not supposed to do, either by mistake or on purpose. You also can't control random events around you, or the actions of others. Consequently, disappointment is impossible to avoid.

Knowing this rationally is different from experiencing it. There's a deep pain and desire for suicide if someone hoots at me on the road, or if a social interaction doesn't go perfectly at work. The stress is unbearable, and it fills me with intense self-loathing - imagine a bucket of viscous, steaming hate being poured into a vat, and that's what it's like in my head. It feels like my very essence and core are evil, and my continued existence is an act of malevolence.

I deserve to be punished for my badness, my sinister flaws, and my inability to justify my existence. The perfect punishment - cutting. Go deep, do it multiple times, until you can't take it anymore. It hurts so bad but that's the point. Wide, white cuts what I deserve. If you're really filled with emotion you can actually do a nice swipe that doesn't just reach the white meat but also slices into it. You're left with a gaping wound, long and wide. This is pretty much stitches territory, but some improvised first-aid will also work, though you WILL scar for life.

Do it to yourself enough times, and you'll be nothing but dark lines. You run out of space, and you just cut over old scars. It looks psychotic though the act of cutting is done pretty calmly and routinely. You pick a tool, a spot to cut, and what aftercare you'll employ. It's rationally implemented, nothing like a psycho slashing away with wanton abandon. Do it enough times, you'll even have the bandages and antiseptics ready for the aftermath.

In the thick of it, weird psychological shit happens. You can forget you did it at all and wake up with a bloody bed, barely believing what you did to yourself the night prior. It hurts in the morning, but you have no recollection of any pain or anguish, even if you remember the cutting event. I really relate to these lyrics in Stan by Eminem:

>'Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps when I'm depressed

>I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest

>Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds

>It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

The impulsiveness, the hunt for the pain I deserve, that desire to continue mutilating myself through facial piercings, it is all captured perfectly in those lines. Being depressed and not knowing what the frick else to do, but the razor blade, it promises relief, and familiarity and comfort.

Can anyone relate to the experience I'm describing? Emotions so all-consuming that slicing yourself is inevitable. It's a choice and not a choice at the same time. At that point, the cut represents everything - that ineffable inner turmoil, every past injustice, all the self-loathing, it's all concentrated in this one cut. It stays white for a few moments, then the blood flows and the excruciating pain hits - what a relief! The pain's not scattered all over my brain, it's just in one place.

My GP referred me to a psychiatrist who'll finally be seeing me next week. I've taken a vow of honesty, so I'll have to admit to drug use if he asks, which I do not want to do at all. I don't want anyone telling me to stop vaping weed because the answer is no, and I'm not arguing about it.

I haven't cut in a few weeks but we all know it's only a matter of time.

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Nofap

It's very embarrassing to admit but I want to push radical honesty as far as I can as frequently as possible. I've been on nofap since 26 December for issues I'm not quite ready to delve into yet. Consequently, the thought of ending my inceldom has become an obsessive topic in my head. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing, but it's driven me into a situation where it's at the forefront of my mind and I'm constantly scheming about how to get around this problem.

It feels like having a dirty house - you can never truly relax until you've solved the problem. With fapping, you're temporarily dulled to the truth. You've tricked your brain into thinking your house is clean. If you fap regularly, you can end up forgetting your house was dirty at all. With nofap, there are no more illusions. I need to clean my house (coom) or else I will find no peace.

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Taking advice

I had previously mentioned my desire to get piercings. A few rdrama users warned me against it. You know what? I'll take your advice for now, I'm not unamenable. I desperately want to, however, and I can't promise that I won't eventually. I want to feel pain and disfigure myself. Well, better explained, I don't want to, but I crave it.

Consequently, my fifth courage challenge is to drive a long distance to an unknown place instead of acquiring my first piercing. This will be necessary to do tomorrow because the closest place that offers skydiving is an hour away, which is an hour and a half of driving for me. This will be the second-furthest I've ever driven. The first time I did long-distance driving was pre car crash so I didn't have a driving fear yet.

The thought alone terrifies me. I keep imagining myself taking a wrong turn and ending up on the wrong side of the road on the freeway, or trying to make a lane change and colliding with an SUV. Nevertheless, I'm just pushing through the fear and forcing myself to do it. The Payton Gendron quote is ingrained into my brain: “I'm doing it.”

This is genuinely the part that is the actual challenge and test of fear, far more than skydiving. I've decided to do the drive completely sober - well, almost completely sober, I'll probably vape some weed that morning as I always do but that doesn't count, it doesn't impair me. But no pills, alcohol, or anything to calm my nerves. I'm raw-dogging it.

I will bring my vape and hit it a few times when I get to the location because I do want to be baked when I skydive.

Also, fun fact: I named my car Asuka Soryu because it is orange lol

In case anyone was wondering, the five acts of courage I've committed myself to are

1. go to nightclub (complete)

2. go skydiving

3. get a manicure

4. join hiking club

5. drive long distance to unknown area

After completing them, I can take the word Coward off my mirror. A lesson from David Goggins.

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conclusion

Well, going to try and get some sleep tonight so I can be ready for skydive tomorrow. I also just want to forget about work where I don't think I did everything the right way and it's stressing me out that maybe I'm a liability. Lastly, I highly advise working out. It feels very good afterward and I think it's played a big role in preventing nofap relapses - just fill up your time, free time is the enemy. You also feel a little more confident at the end even if you aren't brock lesner.

I feel like I'll regret speaking publicly about nofap but whatever. It is done. This is my truth.