!vampires

If you haven't heard of it, here's the synopsis: An author returns to his hometown of Jerusalem's Lot in search of inspiration for his next book, only to discover that the townspeople are being attacked by a bloodthirsty vampire.

It was pretty good, I read it over October. I found the early Marsten House parts more scary than the actual vampires, but I have a greater theory that it stems from the younger generations becoming desensitized to vampires through franchises like Twilight, The Vampire Diaries, and kids' ones like Hotel Transylvania. Boomers in 1975 must've shat their pants at this book. It did have some spooky vampire moments that could've been mitigated if people just closed their goddarn blinds and window shutters. It was creepy when danny glick did it but by the time it got to Susan she's just like oohhh maaark let me in your window I'll be your vampire mommy girlfriend oOooOo~! and mark's just like no this isnt scary anymore Mr. King just let me sleep and take that thot with you. Last bit on the vampires, I am of the opinion that Barlow jobbed at the end and his demise was anticlimactic but I can't imagine the alternative would be a Castlevania style battle between King Vampire and a grieving thirtysomething writer with emotional baggage; a Callahan vs. Barlow showdown would've been too Marvel.

The best parts had to be the worldbuilding, the coziness of the town setting, and later the terror of how inevitably buttery smooth the town descends into ruin when faced with this threat. King's treatment of the vampires felt very raw and refreshing from the perspective of someone who grew up in an age of hot teen vampires.

As far as characters go, protagonist Ben Mears himself was just all right and Mark Petrie felt like King's overpowered childhood self-insert; no 5th-grader would accomplish that much, he'd just be scared shitless and die like the Glick kids did. Or maybe some kids were just built different in the 70's. I haven't read or watched It and those kids did pretty well for themselves. Maybe I just sucked as a 10 year old. Both Father Callahan and Matt Burke would later steal the show and had me wondering if I even cared about Ben anymore. Susan Norton was mid and died mid, RIP lol. The novel got better when I decided that Constable Parkins Gillespie was the exact same person as Wayne Unser from Sons of Anarchy and I read all of his lines in Dayton Callie's voice.

I've seen its slow, meandering beginning 1/4 to 1/3 criticized, but whatever, I can appreciate things some people call uneventful or boring. It's an easy read and becomes a page-turner when things ramp up. I haven't watched any of the adaptations but I can say that in no universe does Ben Mears look like Rob Lowe. Maybe a dollar store Rob Lowe with less defined features.

I forgot /h/lit existed so this will live here

Dear How to Do It,

I have a vampire/vore (blood) kink which my partner happily acts out on me. I would like to take things to the next level by adding mild to moderate pain when they pretend to bite my neck. I know from YouTube and similar sites that prosthetic fangs are available but I assume that realistic (pointy) ones will run the risk of causing an actual puncture injury (my dentist tells me at every visit that the jaw is the strongest muscle in the human body).

I think short, non-pointy "nubs" made of plastic or rubber would work for the task. Are there commercially available ones as far as you know? My partner has three spare identical low-profile orthodontic retainers so I've contemplated going the DIY route on one of them to see if I could achieve my "inner Etsy."

But is there an alternate way to do this that I've not considered? Or is there no safe way to do this that won't risk getting me featured in an episode of

"S*x Sent Me to the ER"?

—Have a Drink of Me

Dear Have a Drink of Me,

There are definitely rubber vampire fangs out there—a quick internet search will get you what you're looking for. But Father Sebastiaan, a fangsmith once dubbed by the New York Times magazine as "the Vampire King of New York," has a message for you: Don't use fangs for biting.

Granted, the custom fangs that Father Sebastiaan makes are "medical-grade quality," and formed out of dental acrylic. These days, they're mainly 3D printed. He's been making fangs for 30 years (his first pair was a Christmas present for his mother)—and his grandfather was a dentist, as is his aunt. "The fangs I make are good for nibbling, kissing, and blowjobs," Father Sebastiaan told me via Zoom. Blowjobs? How does that work, I wondered. "Very carefully," he responded.

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"I think that the fangs and the saliva are a dangerous mix for infection. You've got to nibble," said the man who has been active in the vampire subculture since 1992. He said he's (accidentally) broken skin when kissing with fangs in. And so, through his years of experience in the community, Father Sebastiaan has come to conclude that, "using things to bite people, I think that's dangerous. You can break the skin, you could break an artery. You can bruise someone. You can hurt someone really bad."

To be as safe as possible here, I'm going to recommend that you keep things at a nibble, regardless of the material you're using. "As the most famous fangsmith in the world, I've seen it all," he continued. "I've been making fangs for 30 years. I know all the different techniques to make fangs. And I will tell you that it is stupid to drink blood with fangs. It's irresponsible. It's not funny."

Incidentally, Father Sebastiaan has tasted blood before. "It tastes like iron," he reports. He did not do this with fangs, but with a lancet, like the type that's used for diabetic blood tests. "When I did it, I just used the lancet and put a couple holes in the person's back, above the shoulder blade. Never in the neck!"

There are only 4 houses. Do not listen to heresy.

!vampires

!vampires !ummah

!vampires

!vampires !anime Discuss Type Moon's interesting take on vampires.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire_bat

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire_squid

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