My dear commenters, this is an r-slured concept but its pretty fun. You have been given a scenario and you must achieve your quest of getting marsey a birthday present . I will be the neutral arbiter who will help or hinder you in achieving your goal.

You awaken in your room with pj's on. In the fever dream of a nightmare you had last night, a glimmer of truth was revealed to you; you didn't get your beloved cat, Marsey, a birthday present! How foolish of you! You must get your present before the party starts at noon. You also must get a birthday cake, party decorations, and a clown.

Post your replies in a single comment chain, branching paths will be converged into a single path. Post your comments and I'll maintain continuity as they're posted. If it ends up being too much of a clusterfrick I'll just ignore some comments.

!ttrpg

The story so far...

You started the day by drinking some water from the sink. It was salty. You attempted to whip out your monster peepee, but to no avail. You checked your pockets and found a few items (inventory will be listed at the bottom). You asked your mother to drive you and she said she would for 2 bpp (big person points) which you accepted. You put on your gear and washed your face and go downstairs to get a poptart. While mommy is cooking that, you stole her wallet and hid it in your nonbinary anus before getting into the car and driving to the Gigaplex (a mall downtown). You've entered the Gigaplex and looked around. What you saw was as follows: CLOWN WORLD, Freddy Fazbear's freddy fazbear, Greasy's Breadburger Joint, Shopaholic DX, Mark's Mann's Firing Range, Delicious Doggy, Party City, Hot Topic, a pretty big guy, the food court, and a whole bunch of hylics. [You Are Here]

inventory:

[Mildly C*m-Stained Marvel T-Shirt] - a terribly drawn depiction of you and black panther making out

[Grey Sweatpants] - nothing of note about these, thankfully

[Panama Hat] - This hat kind of looks like a fedora so you wear it

[Camo Crocs] - You forgot to put these on. Wait, no they're on. Frick.

[Morbius Backpack] - You HATE this backpck, but the batman one is missing

[Wallet] - Its one of those privacy wallets with the lock and chain, you got it when you were 12 and its barely holding on with a great deal of duct tape

[Bent Fork] - idk maybe you could use this as a weapon or something

[Flip phone] - also obtained when you were 12, only contacts are your mother and your significant other who's off in china probably screwing massive black bulls

[Marsey Meese Membership Card] - its like chuck e cheese if rdrama invented it, you probably have some free pizzas on this thing or something so its worth keeping around

[Mommy's Wallet] - you cleverly stole this from your mommy and hid it in your gunt. This is probably going to be your main source of cash so good thinking

If you don't know how to give more weight to your argument just hit them with the "I'm neurodivergent and one of my neurodivergent traits is that my opinions are more virtuous than yours" card

2k Points, Dark Angels Inner Circle Task Force

• Azrael [Warlord]

• Terminator Ancient w/ Eye of the Unseen

• Chaplain in Termie armor+Storm Shield w/ Deathwing Assault

• Lieutenant with Combi-Weapon

Infantry

• Deathwing Knights

• 10 man block of Deathwing Terminators

• 5 man block of Deathwing Terminators

• 10 man block of Sternguard

Vehicles

• Land Raider Crusader

• Redemptor Dread

• Stormraven Gunship

Comes in at an even 2k points. Super telegraphed about what I'm about to do aka alpha strike the piss out of you with my Stormraven with Azzy+Lieutenant+Sternguard+Redemptor, 10 man block of Termies+Chaplain w/ Deathwing Assault, and yeet that Land Raider with Ancient+Deathwing Knights with 1 unit of Termies sitting back and plinking with the Cyclone.

I kinda want to drop the Lieutenant for something, but I would have to drop Eye of the Unseen on my Ancient for maybe a Terminator Librarian (for the sustained hits) and either stick him with the 10man block or the Knights and move the Chaplain around to be with the other unit. This seems the fastest way to play as many games as I can in the least amount of time with basically a coin-flip win chance with the least mental load.

Thoughts?

There is nothing within the lore of 40k that would justify the existence of the Imperium on the basis of the fact that the Imperium is inherently genocidal, and in the wise words of the best Star Trek character: pic.twitter.com/k832f8XAuy

— Salamander, The Slayer of Somerton (@Sallymander40k) May 14, 2024

Exactly. There's a point where I feel like if you play the Imperium you need to be willing to just lean in to the fact that you're knowingly playing as the faction that's on the wrong side of history instead of trying to contort yourself into a pretzel trying to justify them.

right now he's also doing a worst board games ever bracket

@sneedman

!chuds !nooticers

Another day, another MTG and Warhammer controversy. Today's episode actually begins with some YouTuber on a one man crusade to destroy Kotaku. Some jurnalist took issue with this and the YouTuber started making fun of her. In a reasonable escalation of the situation, the jurno tracks down the Tuber's wife and starts DMing her. They go back and forth slinging shit at each other and of course the j*urnaloid can't help but claim harassment. This is where the story proper begins:

Paul Scott Canavan, a MtG and Warhammer artist tweets the following:

This is absolutely the play - we should be doing this with all these weird creeps. Track down their significant others and mothers and string them up.

Surely, this was posted in good faith. Unfortunately, bigot chuds took issues with his tweet and Paul doubled down until bravely private his Twitter and Instagram.

The following threads have some good redditard discussion on it. /r/freemagic will likely go on a campaign to get him fired, and even /r/mtg seems to largely denounce his behavior.

https://old.reddit.com/r/freemagic/comments/1cnants/how_is_this_okay_with_wizards_mtg_artist/?sort=controversial

https://old.reddit.com/r/mtg/comments/1cnl4yd/magic_the_gathering_and_warhammer_artist_paul/?sort=controversial

Some choice comments:

Guess this guy has never heard of a slippery slope.

What a loser.

He meant proverbially. Like held accountable.

His wording was flagrant. But I do t think he actually meant to hang people.

It's hyperbole I believe.

It's another episode of the words we say don't mean what they mean!

I am not one for cruxifying people for their opinions, but holy shit threatening peoples family because they don't agree with this jerk offs opinion and ideology is a new fricking low.

That's not what happened here, though. If you look at the context, what he was saying is that if someone is harassing women online their actions should be shown to the women in their life.

He's not saying kill the families of online trolls, the title of this post is really misleading.

"Track down their significant others and mothers and string them up.”

That is verbatim what his tweet said. How is the title misleading?

Several other redditards crawl out of the woodwork to explain how Paul is defending women, so his calls for killing are good, actually.

I believe unfortunately he has a history of sketchy behaviour. He is the one who posted sales of his artist proof cards and then ghosted people and scammed them out of some money.

Hmm, maybe this guy is based after all…

I think you are perpetuating a bad faith interpretation of a poorly worded tweet.

“Bad Faith! Bad Faith! Bad Faith!” say the line, redditor!

Anyways, place your bets on whether or not this brave woman defender will keep his role as a Magic and Warhammer artist. Personally, I hope he gets fired because he already seems like a schizo. Losing his job would likely make him even more deranged.

Youre not a hobbylet, right?

just fricking kill me

Seems like a cool system at least better than 5e lol

Since Warhammer 40,000's 10th edition was released last year, each of the wargame's factions has been getting the traditional rules refresh in the form of a new Codex book. The latest deals with the Adeptus Custodes, genetically engineered bodyguards of the Emperor so gigantic they make space marines look weedy. (They also happen to be Henry Cavill's army of choice). There are 10,000 of them and in the past they've only ever been depicted as men. In this latest iteration, shock horror, at least two of the Custodes are women.

Most players seem to have responded to this by shrugging and getting back to arguing about the new rules, but there's always a vocal minority who go on a tear. The Mail Online ran a typically subtle and understated headline that declared "It's Wokehammer!" and the meme community Grimdank has declared posts about "Femstodes" will only be allowed for one week before they join "Female Space Marine posts" as a banned topic. Games Workshop's official response is a tweet that says, "In regards to female Custodians, there have always been female Custodians, since the first of the Ten Thousand were created."

Is this a retcon? Yep, and it won't be the last. Warhammer 40,000 has had fluid "lore" right from the start. The original Custodian Guards were depicted as shirtless hunks who never leave Earth---a long way from the heavily armored galaxy-spanning golden gods they became---to say nothing of tweaks to the 40K canon like ditching half-eldar space marines and rewriting the Horus Heresy from a short story a handful of pages long into a series of 60+ novels.

The Adeptus Custodes aren't 40K's only genetically engineered supersoldiers, of course. The setting's flagship faction are the space marines, who are created differently---where Custodes are enhanced via a unique process begun when they're infants, space marines begin being grafted with a "gene-seed" when they're on the verge of puberty. And while the explanation that space marine gene-seeds are "keyed to male hormones and tissue types" goes back a way, it's not the real reason Games Workshop made a whole army of dudes who are men.

As GW's former head of IP Alan Merrett once explained on Facebook, "The reason there aren't female Space Marines has nothing to do with lore, or background or character of Marines. It's to do with [the] simple logistics of making miniatures and selling miniatures." In the 1980s GW sold miniatures in sets called blister packs, and as Merrett explained "the intention was that upwards of 25% of all models would be female." That didn't last because "retailers kept complaining to us that customers weren't buying the female models and could we not include any in their restocks." By the time Warhammer 40,000 was designed, GW made sure its poster boys were, well, boys to ensure they'd sell. As Merrett put it, "All the background fluff about why there are only male Marines is there to justify a commercial logistics issue."

And the same was true of the Adeptus Custodes, until it wasn't. Though the customers at the average Warhammer shop are mostly men, these days there are usually one or two women as well. And the men are a lot less likely to throw a hissy-fit about having women in their armies than g*mers in the 1980s, despite what Reddit and Twitter might suggest. All of 40K's lore and storytelling exists to provide context for selling toy soldiers to people, and as the customer base changes so too will that lore.

https://old.reddit.com/r/Grimdank/comments/1c8dmub/the_call_was_coming_from_inside_the_palace/?sort=controversial