the steak incident

ik everyone thinks my posts are fake or w/e but i swear to god this actually happened. last weekend i went out to dinner with my friends and one of them was a pretty chunky woman, one of those PCOS princesses. we get to ordering, its going nice and im trying to flirt with the guy sitting next to me, we're all enjoying our steaks and genuinely having a good time. then she make a gurgle sound -- almost like a cough, but a little too wet.

everyone stops talking and looks straight at her. the calm before the storm.

then she pukes. EVERYWHERE. by virtue of RNGesus i am sitting right across from her. I GOT HER REGURGITATED CHEWED-UP STEAK BITS ON MY STEAK. SOME OF IT LANDED ON MY HAND (which was on the table). people started tending to her and consoling her and whatnot, i literally started dry heaving and needed to leave the table before the smell of the mixture of steak and bile caused me to puke too. it took me a few minutes to collect myself after witnessing that bovine volcano. when i returned, everyone was laughing and joking around like nothing had just happened. like this was a totally normal thing that happens. suffice it to say, i was mellowed for the rest of the night.

fat people. not even once.