Good Morning

Today I decided to go back to /r/BPD. I initially went back to check on Frankie-Buns but I was drawn to this. Meet /u/Careless-One-9222. A 21 year old gal who's just really going through it.

This is a throw away account. maybe if I got enough financial incentive I could attempt to find her real account.

But for now I'll show you what homegirl's been going through the last...9 days.

It all starts with a post to /r/KillingStalking, because of course it does.

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https://old.reddit.com/r/KillingStalking/comments/1e1yfqj/im_ashamed_of_how_much_i_relate_to_this_i_never/

Venting TW:abuse

Throwaway account!!! I'm 21F and literally I made the worst mistake reading this book called killing stalking

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Why is it always the killing stalking fans?

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I thought it would be some mystery slasher horror book but no it's so much more, literally I relate to Bum a little too much in some ways, with my mentally abusive mom and my physically abusive alcoholic dad and my brother in law who molested me when I was 6

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PLEASE learn how to use periods, good God

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This all came really rushing back, and I thought I managed to suppress it deep enough and be numb to it tbh, but Bums infatuation with sangwoo really forced me to look at myself in the mirror cause bums stalkerish behaviour is quite literally what I did (to some extent) I searched up this guy I like, and I found his entire family and I made fake accounts so I could look at his family's accounts and even commented on his dead brothers online funeral page (under a fake name) and I'm not proud of this but I stalked his ex girlfriend and I hate her but I have no reason too

and after talking for a while I was, still at hooked. And he was so nice in the beginning, so so so sweet but then after he started calling me names, from stupid to r-slur to other stuff ( I'm half black and half white and he's white so you can guess what makes he called me) and it's so terrible but I'm more than willing to go back for more, I tried to move on I really did cause one time he made me vomit and when I went to the potty to vomit he tried to drown me. He said it was a joke and I know it's not a joke but I'm not mad at him for it, but hey I'm self aware? That has to count for something? Sorry for all the messed up stuff I just needed to vent. Like we weren't dating so it's not like we were boyfriend and girlfriend but he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and this one guy I started talking to here he said he liked me and he found me attractive but he's married but he said he doesn't like his wife anymore but he was afraid cause he thought I was too young I'm 21 he's 45 but I really liked him a lot and he said he can't talk right now but I thought he liked me, why can't I do anything right??? I told him I loved him! I always mess things up every freaking time, I hate this I hate my life and maybe if I was prettier people would like me more and I'd have more friends and a happier life I'm so ugly all I want to do is peel my skin off or run away and start a new life as a hobo since that's whahdybs I deserve, so I crave approval yes but what's wrong about being the best of yourself to make others happy, god writing this made me lose my appetite, but I did get paid today so I may buy random stuff to hide my pain but I should have for school but I'm so dumb it doesn't even matter

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Here are some of my favorite comments on this post:

You need help, girl. Please, reach out to someone. Shouting into the void in the Internet won't help. Please, reach out for help. You are worth it.

Sometimes shouting into the void does help. Sometimes the void shouts back with support resources and a push toward professional help, in addition to empathy and understanding which can do a LOT for people who have been chronically abused. Hard agree to everything else you said tho.

hey so its good reading KS made you realize you have some issues, but you need to see a professional. im not sure if this is really a place for personal vents, since no one here is really equipped to deal with someone's real life problems. it might even trigger (or make extremely uncomfortable) people who are okay with certain topics in fiction but not so much in reality. it's a similar vein to rule 7 really. if you want to talk about this, it might be better to go to a subreddit dedicated for those who want to share their personal struggles and people who are prepared to listen, like a r*pe, CSA, family abuse, or general vent related sub. still, thats only a stop gap. you need a doctor not strangers online. we cant do much but feel sympathetic, which isnt going to fix the problems.

This response isn't very compassionate, if anything it's more compassionate to imaginary people who "might be" triggered or offended with little regard towards the person actively struggling. Nothing you said was wrong per se, I agree that there are better suited subreddits etc those support groups really can be helpful in addition to professional help. I just think you could have been a bit more measured in addressing such a sensitive matter and I'm commenting to comfort OP in case they read your response and feel disregarded.

^^^ that's the same who responded to the first comment btw.

That same reccomend that OP go to /r/BPD and /r/CPTSD for further support.

I felt the same when I read K/S, Bum's psychology was shockingly relatable.

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Of course it was.

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Trauma informed therapy can help. Look into CBT/DBT cognitive/dialectical behavioral therapy.

/r/cptsd and /r/bpd I recommend over the other trauma/SA subreddits because creeps do lurk trying to find people who have experienced terrible things so that they can harass them...

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I hope you accomplish all the healing and fulfillment that you need, and I want to add (because you said you're more than willing to go back for more) that there are consensual avenues for abuse underneath the umbrella of bdsm, but you absolutely HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM THESE TYPES OF VIOLENCE UNTIL YOU DEVELOP THE NECESSARY SELF PRESERVATION/SELF VALUE/BOUNDARIES to be able to protect yourself!!!!!! And get away from that guy you're talking about.

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Would this really be a reddit screed from one fatherless foid to another if they didn't encourage each other's deviant interests? That certainly doesn't sound like compassion.

Now, careless one made this EXACT SAME POST on /r/BPD.

https://old.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/1e6sydl/venting_twabuse/

Then comes the post made to /r/BPD agian 3 days ago.

https://old.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/1e6t91g/im_going_to_rip_my_hair_out/

I'm going to rip my hair out

Why won't he reply back??? I thought I did everything right I even offered to carve his name into me cause I thought guys like that

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Holy shit

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I said I love him i showed him how mature I was! I'm 21 I'm old enough! Why doesn't he like me, all I want is for him to like me,

I said I could buy a ticket, why doesn't he like me, I said I could do more makeup or plastic surgery to be prettier, why isn't my life fair

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Unfortunately because mental illness loves company, a lot of the comments under this post were affirming OP's feelings for this potential creep.

Things like "you don't have to dim your feelings for him, just find a healthier outlet", and "it's actually a green flag he didn't go for your carving his name into you"

For /r/BPD, and the foids who dwell there, the bar is literally on the ground.

That leads us to the most recent post:

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Honestly I find this kind of stuff interesting in a psychological observation kind of way.

Seeing how this stuff can be influenced by media is also fascinating. One of these days I'll have to look into KillingStalking to get a better idea as to why this manga is so popular among the mentally ill.

Now if the cows come to pasture:

Careless-One-2999, you desperately need some kind of intervention and you need to work on your Grammer. Periods are a wonder thing, learn how to use them.