Holy Kino....

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48535702/chapters/122428366

Summary:

After upsetting Celebi, capitalist banker, Edmund Blackadder, is transported to St. Fandom Academy in Ilex Forest. Edmund must take over the school so he and his sidekick, Baldrick can return to their rightful dimension. As well as teaching history, Blackadder is eventually assigned to be the homeschool teacher of Class D, which includes notorious students such as Eric Cartman, Ash Ketchum, and Vicky Pollard.

Notes:

This is a rewrite of my 2008 fanfic, St. Manga School. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3995816/1/St-Manga-School

Chapter 1: Punishment

Chapter Text

Edmund Blackadder, owner of the world infamous Custard Bank was on top of the world. Thanks to another interest raise and mass deletion of jobs, he would be another billion pounds richer. He was going to spent that money all to himself, and he had no intention of sharing it with anybody. His life was perfect.

That was until his assistant, Baldrick had a cunning plan to make his birthday a magnificent one. With the modest salary, Baldrick received, he invested in a lifetime supply of turnips, and a pet he bought off random grunt from the streets.

"What is this meant to be?" Blackadder asked, picking up the green creature from the sack of turnips.

"Happy birthday," Baldrick said with a smile on his face. "From all your friends from Custard Winnings Bank."

"Well where's my cake?"

"I couldn't afford it."

"Baldrick, you're about as useful as a magikarp in battle stuffed with raspberries and cream."

Baldrick nodded. "Sounds delicious."

Blackadder sneered at the creature in his arms. "Just what on earth is this hideous green fairy alien with bit blue and black burglar eyes suppose to be?"

"It's name is Celebi." Baldrick patted Celebi on the head. "And a lovely little thing it is too."

"So you're blind as well as draft?" Blackadder mumbled. "Well thank you for your mind generosity, Baldrick, but there's only one place for this beast!"

"Where's that?" Baldrick asked. Blackadder eyed up the nearest trash in and tossed Celebi in. "Don't be like that, Boss. It did nothing wrong to you."

"It's face offends me," Blackadder howled. "It is the worst birthday present anyone could have. Your cunning plans are about as useful as the diary of the nine-legged Prince of Nigeria."

"I'm sorry, Sir!" Baldrick picked up the trash can so Blackadder could hear the muffle sobs. "When I saw this little thing for sale I thought it was a perfect present for you. You're on your own, and I thought you could do with some company."

Blackadder turned away. "Baldrick, you know me, I prefer my own company."

Baldrick took out an invoice for Blue Ladies For Hire. "Is that why you spend £5000 a week on prostitutes?"

"What are you doing with that?" Blackadder snapped, and snatched the paper off him. "Baldrick, you've given me no choice. I should fire you, but I can't be bothered with the paperwork." Blackadder held his hand out, closed. "Here is my fist, kindly run to it as fast as you can!"

"Alright then," Baldrick said and ran up to Blackadder for a whack in the face. Baldrick collapsed. As the trash can hit the floor, the whole room warped into a scarlet volcano, revealiving a white vortex. Before either men had a chance to speak, they were swept away into the abyss as Celebi waved them off.

"What the bloody heck was that?" Blackadder wiped himself as he got up.

"We've been taken to another dimension!" Baldrick guessed, scratching his pants. "Well the gates over there say we are in…" He tiptoed above Blackadder's shoulder to read the sign. "S.T.D Fanny Alchemy?"

Blackadder rolled his eyes. "It says St. Fandom Academy…why are we here, Baldrick. This is your fault for gifting me the cursed-bogey-coloured-rat with-Down-syndrome."

"As I was trying to say," Baldrick said. "Celebi can time travel, so when you run out of money, you can go back in time and get the money again so you can spend it again."

"Your head is as empty as a unicorn's underpants."

"Well, its your own fault for upsetting Celebi?"

"We need a to find a way back, Baldrick," Blackadder said, straightening up his black jacket. "We need to go back to London and I shall need a cherry."

"GOOD LUCK WITH THAT MATE!" Out from the fog emerged an elderly man who could easily be Santa Claus if not for his anorexic figure. Everything about the man with the white beard and hair to his cloak revealed that he was a wizard.

"Are you Gandalf?" Blackadder asked.

"What?" the wizard laughed. "I'm far too young to be him."

"Dumbledore?" Baldrick asked.

The wizard howled with laughter. "I'm too old to be Dumbledore too."

"Who are you then?"

"You know? I can't remember! Ha!" The Wizard stared at Baldrick as he spoke. "I understand that Celebi has brought you here, Blackadder to teach history."

"I'm not Blackadder."

"Oh…" The wizard glared down at Blackadder. "It's misery guts over here."

"Can Celebi or you take us home, we have no time for foolish games and trickery."

"Sure!" The Wizard declared. "First, you must take over the school and become the headmaster."

"Really?" Blackadder snarled. "I have to give up my life of money and pleasure for these pesky little beasts."

"Yes!" The Wizard declared. "Oh! I remember my name now: it's Merlin!"

Merlin faded.

The gates to St. Fandom Academy opened, and Blackadder was welcomed into his new home.

!bookworms !chuds kino