Post-wall sinkie foid posts online dating L

r/hingeapp: Feeling disheartened from dates that didn’t work out

30F here from Singapore. Been on 2 dates with 2 different people since Nov’22. I’d consider myself to be above average in terms of looks and intellect, always polite and genuinely nice (till people give me a reason not to be) . I know a lot of you might say c’mon you can’t be serious, 2 dates are too little to be discouraged, just get out more and meet more people, etc…

I guess I’m just jaded from being through more than a handful of failed relationships before and I’m starting to lose hope that I’m never gonna find my person before 35 or even 40. I get one shouldn’t put a timeline on these things but I can’t shake the feeling that time and youth are running out for me. I’m so very afraid and feel utterly alone in this, partly cos I don’t have a lot of friends either.

I’m very selective with who I match with/swipe on, so I know what I want - someone who can connect with me emotionally, intellectually and physically. I’m looking for an Asian guy (swear I’m not being xenophobic, it’s just a physical preference) who is westernized in their thinking but there are not many of such men in Singapore. One of the guys I dated was an Asian-American and he ghosted me... He did ask me out for a second date but I couldn’t make it, I did propose an alternate date but he just pretty much ghosted me after that.

Sigh. Does anyone else feel me? :(

// EDIT: I just wanna thank every single one of you who have taken the time and effort to pen down your advice, encouragement and experience. It really means a lot to me and I’m grateful for all the kindness and support here. :’)

r/AskSingapore: Dating as a local female (31yo) in SG

Hey everyone!

So I just started downloading a dating app back in Nov last year and so far have only gone on two dates with two different ppl. Both didn’t work out but will go into it later on. The last time I’ve used dating apps was back in 2020 and I don’t rmb the dating scene being this difficult? Maybe it’s always been like this but I just got lucky or, well, unlucky since my last r/s didn’t work out ha.

A little bit of content on my background: I don’t wanna come off as bragging but from feedback from friends and exes, I’m considered to be a good catch in terms of looks + intellect + character . I’m honestly polite and genuinely nice to people (until they give me a reason not to be). Think of me as the girl who got catfished on a date but still stayed till the end ‘cos I felt bad leaving halfway. Over the past ten years or so of getting in and out of r/s, the periods when I was single were shorter than the periods when I was attached. Since my last r/s I really looked back and reflected on myself and I think my biggest problem back then was that I jumped into r/s after r/s too fast, and also that I might be too trusting of guys in the sense that some ppl tend to show the best/carefully constructed false image of themselves during the first few dates but later on relaxed and revealed how they really are like after we got tgt (or maybe they just got lazy lol). It could be that I have a bad judgement of character too, idk. So this time I told myself I’m not gonna lower my standards, have patience in dating and getting to know someone really well. Right now this is actually the longest period of time I’ve been single.

So now I’ll go into the two dates I’ve gone on:

Date 1) Dinner + drinks date with a non-local and went on to have dessert + another round of drinks after. Date went well and spanned over like 5 hours. He showed a lot of interest in me, mirrored body languages and mild body contact like moving closer to me all that stuff. He asked me out for a 2nd date following week, I couldn’t make it so I proposed an alternative date and he said he’d lemme know how his following week looks but he never did. So I checked in with him and I got slow ghosted after that lol.

Date 2) Quick dinner + movie date with a local who’s lived overseas and just came back not too long ago. We chatted almost daily for a mth before he asked me out. I knew it was a bad idea if you don’t meetup after 1-2 weeks max of texting cos you’d tend to form a fantasy/ideal image of the person as time goes on and they’d often not come to meet the expectations when you finally do meet up in person. But I really didn’t wanna ask a guy out so I waited. Turned out to be a super awkward date with no chemistry.

I’ve since downloaded 2 more dating apps and it’s not looking so good either so I’m feeling quite jaded and honestly afraid I might really end up being alone forever lol. I always heard that ladies have a better shot at dating or have an abundance of guys to choose from but I’m having a difficult time finding guys I’d like to swipe on whom I have even a little bit of interest in. I’m not sure if it’s cos I’m older so I’m pickier or is the dating scene really bad now?

It’s been a long post but I’d really love to find out and hear any ladies’ (and guys’) dating experiences in SG!

Love happens at any age. I found the one I want to grow old with at 40. Before that I was just dating very casually.

Don’t worry too much and enjoy life. Don’t think that you have a deadline to meet.

Also - pls don’t settle just cos of your age. I’ve settled before and it didn’t turn out well.

The whole world kept telling me to settle cos of my age and looks but I ignored them.

Yeah I’m not gonna settle cos of my age. Likewise, I’ve settled before and I just wasn’t happy… Just hope my patience and resilience in finding my person one day pays off.

Now that you are older , you don't have the same dating power as your 20s self , therefore you aren't able to pull the high standard men that you were going for in your 20s.

This could be a possible reason.

Or maybe you are just aiming too high?

Eh pls la ppl can have the same market value or more in their 30s if they have their s- together.

Last time as a broke 20-something I could only work out in the park, now a decade later when I have more disposable income, I can get gym memberships and laser treatments. (I am married and therefore off the market but I still need to keep my eligibility so that my husband doesn't get - too - comfortable 😂)

| Eh pls la ppl can have the same market value or more in their 30s if they have their s- together.

guys, yes. girls? rolling on the floor laughing emoji

if you genuinely believe that a early to mid 20s girl with a tight young body is going to be less attractive to a guy than a lady in her 30s who attempts to recapture her youth with gym memberships and laser treatments, you are delusional. a guy with options will never choose someone who has to fix her face with laser over someone who is simply younger and doesn't need to do that.

you are lucky you are off the market because the only person who might think you have the "same market value" as 10 years ago is your husband. if you get divorced now and try again on the dating market, you will be so sorely disappointed i guarantee you.

Big yikes. I think you have deep rooted issues if you spend your time attacking other redditors for being in happy relationships and telling them how difficult their life would be if they weren't married. Please get help.

how did i "attack" you for being in a happy relationship? what i commented on was about your delusion, your over inflated sense of your own "value" in the dating market. not your relationship. when people feel "attacked" by something when there was no such intention, it's usually because deep down they know it's the truth.

Well this certainly answers a lot of questions regarding your relationship status. Have a nice day.

not every guy is as desperate as your husband to settle. have a nice day yourself :)