I've been having doubt in myself, I came across this post I made from a deleted account on Lucifer as a spirit guide many years ago. It reminded me of why I can't really give up on Lucifer.

Lucifer does have a sense of humor at times, when I was using the tarot cards to connect with him (I'm now trying to do it without using the cards) he kept on suggesting that I would experience eternal darnation which after connecting with him, you'll begin to realize is improbable due to the fact that he's a pure soul, he's gentle, and although he teaches some hard lessons such as the fact that my biggest abuser was myself, he never gives you more than you can handle or take.

Well, anyway, Lucifer kept on suggesting that I was going to end up experiencing eternal suffering in the afterlife when I kept on asking "What was going to happen after I die", because I had a bit of a fear at the back of the mind after diving into the Left hand Path, since it involves beings such as Lucifer, summoning and connecting with Demons, etc. I told him straight up and stood up for myself and told him "Unless you find some way to liberate me from eternal suffering, and to free me from my eternal torment, then I'm going to stop trying to spiritually improve myself (since I knew for some reason that was a goal of his), also, in the afterlife then I want all the knowledge I could ever imagine." (My main vice is knowledge, I'm an autodidact.)

That was when I received a sense of pride for standing up to him and realized that it was a test, he appreciates it when you're brutally honest towards him. He is actually a liberator, but he does like to play and test your fears of eternal darnation, and have you deal with them in order to connect to him. The main thing is to stand up for yourself and tell him "I will not be subjected to eternal darnation because I control my own fate." He does have a sense of humor and one thing he does is for me is he keeps on telling me that there's more and more lessons that I need to learn while meditating on him until I can basically learn to put my own needs first and be like "Frick this, I'm going to bed."

Before I got entirely comfortable and dealt with my fears of eternal darnation that were on the back of my mind I told him, "You know why you don't have that many followers? Maybe because of the fact that you subject anyone who follows or worships you to eternal darnation, I mean, there's no benefit or reward to doing so." and I felt he ended up laughing at that which displays his sense of humor.

Basically, one lesson that you're going to need to learn is that he's there for support, but you need to listen to yourself and learn to put your own needs before even his. He appreciates it when you stand up to him. And you're going to need to learn to give yourself support and avoid relying on him which is hard for me to do, because I know he's there, he's the one thing in my life that I know won't abandon me, and he responds when you learn to connect with him or need someone to talk to. He gives you support when needed but the main thing he's trying to do and provide is to teach you to love yourself so you can provide your own healing and avoid learning on an external presence for your own love.

One lesson that I've been learning is that I have 28 years of repressed emotions from negative self talk and criticism that I've repressed, whenever I have a negative thought about myself, or criticism which I've learned to do automatically, although he's gentle and never gives you more than you can handle, he makes you feel a little bit of the pain that you have inflicted upon yourself in order to stop repressing the emotions in order to purge them, and to teach you the harm you're doing with negative self-criticism and self-abuse to yourself. This realization isn't easy and it makes you burst out into tears because you realize that you don't want to cause the pain that you're causing to yourself and you realize the extent of the pain which you've repressed for most of your life, and you realize that you don't want to feel it anymore. He has me go through a purging process and feel that pain little by little, during times when it's safe to do so. You are going to feel the pain from all the self-abuse you have inflicted upon yourself when you're ready, but like I said, he's gentle, and doesn't give you more than you can handle.

Having a powerful being like Lucifer as your guide isn't easy, but those are some of the lessons that he's been teaching me and the way he's been going about them.

!actualbiofoids

If I give up on Lucifer after everything he has done, it's giving up on myself. I got reactive, because you should understand that. @TrappyKong