My brother is a year younger than I and two academic years behind me. He has no idea what he wants to do in life, has no appreciable talents or skills, and has likely not read a book he wasn't forced to read since he was 12. He likes Seinfeld, the Office, and pop music. He literally cannot carry a meaningful conversation for more than 10 minutes, because he has no real interests.
That said, my brother has a car, a girlfriend, a large group of friends and an active social life. He talks (never to me, only to our parents, who tell it to me) about all the times he's gone on a luxury vacation with his friends and some girl basically threw herself at him (but he definitely didn't cheat on his girlfriend 
), or how he had such a great time at a concert in this cool nightclub. He has a management job opportunity at a large corporate gig that lets him basically work 6 hour days where he makes more than I do.
I just got back from having to pick up his car for him after he got too dunk to drive it. When I was driving it home, looking at all the people coming in and out of nightclubs, I had some really bad thoughts. I'm on medication that normally keeps me from having them, and I have to talk to someone regularly who makes sure I don't have them, but I had them on that ride home.
Edit: this post was incredibly cringe. I was being a whiney cute twink who just wanted attention. I'm actually in a pretty good place in life all things considered. 
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are you officially 'tistic/etc or just socially awkward?
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I've been told I'm not officially neurodivergent, just depressed
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introspection is your enemy, avoid it at all costs
if you pretend to act like a normie for enough time, you'll start adopting their habits and the need to consciously act will decrease over time. Literally fake it until you make it
if you're offered literally any opportunity to interact with other people in any way, force yourself to accept. Do not deny yourself any opportunity to interact with others even if it means abdicating other responsibilities (within reason)
People have been giving me this advice for years but I finally managed to internalize it and actually try to apply it about a year ago. I've noticed a major improvement in my attitude, social skills, etc. I'm nearly a wizard and I'd been too afraid of w*men to speak to any other than my mother & senior citizens since I was 15 but recently I was able to handle a 5 minute conversation face-to-face with an attractive foid my age without panicking or even shoving my foot in my mouth.
I'm sure that you've heard similar advice before. Just try to implement it. It does work (at least to some extent).
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I'm happy
for you
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