/h/corn House Vampire Founder
SN VAX/MAXXED :marseymayo: :marseyrapscallion:  9mo ago (image post) 717 thread views #236037

Anon likes bikes

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Bikes are pretty based. Do hate cyclists though

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I like my peloton more tbh

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Do hate cyclists though

OP:

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I too like arriving at my workplace sweating like a pig

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lose weight

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!thin common dramachud L

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That only happens when you're the size of a house fatso :marseynails:

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You can use the shower in work and flex your dong in front of your colleagues

https://i.rdrama.net/images/17278347330109043.webp https://i.rdrama.net/images/1730135549534581.webp https://i.rdrama.net/images/1730254615701003.webp

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Same, it makes the ladies horny but I'm in great shape so your mileage may vary

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My experiences with cyclists collected within about 18 months in Portland:

  • Stoner 19yo girl cuts in front of the bus and flips it off on her way to Reed College, barely survives. But she has girl power so she's invincible over us. Probably dying of antibiotic resistant gonhorrea to own her parents now.

  • Stoner wake and bake guy who interrogated me about why I don't ride a bike to the bus like he does. I explain that my hip is injured and incapable of rotating like that. He lights another bowl, gets a really smug look on his face, and feels superior. His license is revoked for DUIs.

  • Drunk chad on a bike runs into the side of the bus, becomes a medical emergency. Everyone has to get out and wait half an hour for the next one.

I can respect the last one.

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I can respect the last one

He heard the emperor's call and felt irresistible urge to kamikaze into a nearby bus

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Probably one of those sleeper agents they had deployed here for the next Pearl Harbor. There's a reason why half the kids at summer camp in my generation were Japanese. :marseyglancing:

This leads into 2 mildly interesting stories if anyone cares enough before I go to bed. :marseysleep:

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I'm listening

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There was a J-drama in the 1980s-1990s about how great Oregon is.

From Oregon with Love. It helped that prices were fricking insane in Japan at the time.

But yeah, in our boomer times we grew up with Jap kids in the forest.

It's a long story that I'll play out as a soap opera or something.

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:#platypatience:

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>ran for 12 years

:#marseyspit:

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That's how great Oregon used to be.

:marseyrain:

(Notice what I did there. Because Oregon is famously rainy.)

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interested. make a post.

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I'm backed up on so many good suggestions for posts I haven't written yet, I gotta start keeping a list.

:marseynotes:

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You can tell it's a good day drinking bar when there are bikes parked out front.

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Lmao what kind of strag lives in Portland. Being a portlandian is a humiliation fetish

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Imagine bragging about your stuff getting stolen :#marseybikecuck:

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https://i.rdrama.net/images/1704872986539798.webp

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Tfw there's no nice marsey to represent us bikechads :marse#ybikecuck:

:marseybikechainincident: :marseyclown3:

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Proof that bikes are fricking lame and so are you.

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https://i.rdrama.net/images/17048935903864136.webp

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take it back :seethejak:

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Bike and Chad will never go in the same sentence

Total cycle cuck death now

Trans lives matter

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now try biking up a hill, carrying groceries, or listening to music :marseyoperaphantom: without looking :marseyinsane: like an r-slur :marseymoidmoment:

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now try biking up a hill

are you weak?

carrying groceries

See above

listening to music without looking like an r-slur

Why would I care about other peoples' opinions? Are you an NPC?

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NOOOOO YOU HAVE TO CSRE ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK TO STATISTICALLY IRRELEVANT :marseynothingburger: STRANGERS NOOOOO

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caring about other's opinions is why we do things like keeping ourselves clean. it's to stay in the norm. if there :marseycheerup: was no norm we would :marseywould: not be a functioning society. also how are you supposed to carry a family's worth of groceries while using every limb to control :marseyshadow: the bike.

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:#marseyfoidretardtalking:

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Neighbor do you not know what a cargo rack is

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or just a big backpack. here you can get one for $25

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Bike cucks seriously believe in going to the grocery store every day and just to buy the things you need for tomorrow.

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also how are you supposed to carry a family's worth of groceries while using every limb to control :marseyshadow: the bike.

if you teach your family to bike, they can feed themselves for a lifetime

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caring about other's opinions is why we ... keep[ing] ourselves clean.

:marseyill:

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Try not being fat

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try avoiding my truck :marseybutt2: when I run over your stupid :marseyabyss: tiny bike

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Guarantee my truck is bigger. Try avoiding it when I run over your truck for running over a cyclist.

:marseytruck:

Honk honk b-word

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try avoiding my peepee when I r*pe you both :marseyhairypenis:

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Try avoiding muh peepee b-word

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no :mariogoatse:

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Doing all of that every week :marseybuff: except the last one maybe :marseynerd2:

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I can't have 10 minutes without input from my phone. Not even a podcast?! Are you insane?! :soycry:

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listening to music without looking like an r-slur

Use earbuds like a normal person?

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how are you supposed to hear what's going :marseysal3: on around you?

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Don't blast music at max volume like an r-slur and don't use noise-cancelling earbuds :marseyshrug:

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if cities were designed for bikes they would be all downhills

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goes as far and as fast as you can

Or I could go further, faster, and all it requires is not being a poorcel. Why do bikecucks cope like this?

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:#marseychonker2talking:

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Yes. Modern technology allows me to indulge in an excess of calories and live a life of complete ease. The exact life every peasant in history, every hunter-gatherer and every subsistence farmer, everyone in my family tree who has ever lived wanted, and I have it. Why wouldn't I be proud of that? Like a grizzly bear I sit at the top of the pecking order, fat and unchallenged.

My ancestors are smiling on me, imperial. Can you say the same?

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:vegetakneel:

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Ride on the sidewalk and into pedestrians

Footcels need to be punished :marseypunished: for their slowness

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Driving bicycle in icy or rainy weather is just miserable, car chads stay climatized and winning.

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I agree with the anon, my only issue is this all breaks down in winter

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Should I try not being a kitty and studded tires y/n

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Sure, just remember that you don't want the normal amount of air pressure in those tires that you're normal ones take, and that your handling suffers with them on dry pavement

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Okay well Nokian went back to making actual tires for cars so what's the studded bike tire meta rn

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Same, watery slush and snow on the roads? You better believe I'm driving

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Bikes: when you want to go somewhere within walking distance slightly faster

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:#marseydisabledgenocide:

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@Landlord_Messiah discuss

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Hate bike cucks so much

Trans lives matter

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:#marseyreportercnn:

That was @Landlord_Messiah there talking about his views on cyclists. Back over to you in the studio.

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Cycling has always been based

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Ebikes are cheaper to operate a s better :marseygenetakovic: for the environment :marseyunless: than pedal bikes

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Bikes are great for the reasons in op. I don't care if they're reddit tier I will fight anyone who disagrees

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