I relapsed into Catholicism and I'm regretting it : r/excatholic

I don't know where else to turn and I don't really know who might understand. In recent years, I backed away from the church. I realized that I'm queer (likely lesbian) and that it's totally incompatible with the church. In undergrad, I started at a Catholic college and transferred out to a public school once I realized that I couldn't be myself at the Catholic school. I was doing great, my mental health was improving, and I was finally starting to feel like I could stand on my own. Last year, I moved away from home got year of a master's degree under my belt and was finding my own footing in the world.

This summer, I moved back in with my parents so I could work in my hometown for a few months between school years to earn some $. As the summer went on, my mental health went into the potty. I was/am super depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. I felt like a kid again. For a little bit, I literally thought God was calling me back to the church and that becoming an active Catholic again would be the cure I need. I have a history of compulsive behavior with religious themes and I am in therapy. Anyway, I started attending Catholic church again and it became a hyperfixation for me. I'm talking about making Pinterest boards of church aesthetics, reading multiple theology books a week, falling asleep every night after saying the rosary no matter how tired I was, and more. I ignored my queerness and was automatically thinking long-term about what my life in the church might look like.

Last night, I kind of "came to" when I realized that going back to the church hadn't squashed my queerness. I was scrolling through TikTok and seeing one attractive woman after the next because my algo is set for queer stuff. I felt absolutely terrible. Why would God call me back to church and rub this in my face?

I still went to church this morning. It was the transfiguration and the priest talked about how we all have moments in our lives of transformation and I couldn't get my mind off of trans people (I hope this doesn't seem creepy). Here I was, struck by this perfect beautiful metaphor of reaching a pivotal moment in life that makes you reevaluate the way you exist and all the priest was talking about how we can choose to reinforce our belief and become a new person in Jesus... what a letdown.

I don't think I'll go back next week. I don't know if I'll go back at all. How can I get over this relapse into Catholicism? It's like I've brainwashed myself again and now I'm full of guilt for maybe leaving God again but also denying who I really am because I am queer and can't ignore that part of myself.

I also want a church community and I genuinely believe in Christianity, but where can I go where I'll be accepted? I don't know if I can get over that nagging feeling that anything that isn't Catholic is a "fake" church (yes, I know logically that one church isn't more authentic than another) because of all the dogma and crap that comes with the church and how it puts down other churches for not having "real" sacraments.

I'd appreciate any advice or voices of reason anyone can provide. I'm starting to snap back out of it, but I'd appreciate guidance.