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HOTEP we/wuz/kangz :!marseyhotep: :carphotep:  1yr ago (text post) Edited 1yr ago 465 thread views #200531

Was Jonah the biggest chud of the Bible?

>Be Jonah, the prophet.

>Get told to go to Nineveh and tell them to repent.

>”Why tf are you sending me to that shithole God?” :marseychud:

>”Why not just glass them like Sodom and Gomorrah and be done with it?”:chudsmug:

>Realize He's gonna be merciful to your enemies AGAIN. :chudconcerned:

>Frickthat.jpeg :marseyfuckyou:

>Hitch a boat in the opposite direction :chudjakdancing:

>God sends a storm :marseyrain:

>Tell God-fearing sailors you're a prophet and convince them to throw you overboard. :marseydeception:

>Would rather die than see that degenerate shithole, Nineveh be saved.

>Get tossed overboard. :marseydefenestration:

>get immediately swallowed up by a whale. :chudtantrum: :obesedaddysgirl:

>Fml fine you win I'll give the Ninevites their stupid message. They're not gonna repent anyway. :marseygiveup:

>get barfed up next to Nineveh :marseypuke:

>go to Nineveh

>deliver Message :marseypop2:

>They listen

>Go to cliff

>Wait for Nineveh to be Sodom and Gomorrah'd :marseychuddance:

>Nothing Happens :chuditsover:

>Hefrickingsparedthemagain.jpeg

>”HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!” :chudturbospergout2:

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Man, these new-fangled bible books for kids are really getting weird these days...

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>terminally online zoomers with no attention span can only understand God and the Bible through low-effort MS Pant internet memes

https://i.rdrama.net/images/16933339746606753.webp !christians

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Laypeople haven't actually been reading the book since the 1700s, they just learn it in Sunday School.

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