>Be Jonah, the prophet.
>Get told to go to Nineveh and tell them to repent.
>”Why tf are you sending me to that shithole God?” 
>”Why not just glass them like Sodom and Gomorrah and be done with it?”
>Realize He's gonna be merciful to your enemies AGAIN. 
>Frickthat.jpeg 
>Hitch a boat in the opposite direction 
>God sends a storm 
>Tell God-fearing sailors you're a prophet and convince them to throw you overboard. 
>Would rather die than see that degenerate shithole, Nineveh be saved.
>Get tossed overboard. 
>get immediately swallowed up by a whale. 
>Fml fine you win I'll give the Ninevites their stupid message. They're not gonna repent anyway. 
>get barfed up next to Nineveh 
>go to Nineveh
>deliver Message 
>They listen
>Go to cliff
>Wait for Nineveh to be Sodom and Gomorrah'd 
>Nothing Happens 
>Hefrickingsparedthemagain.jpeg
>”HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!” 
Antonio_Scalywag
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Man, these new-fangled bible books for kids are really getting weird these days...
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Laypeople haven't actually been reading the book since the 1700s, they just learn it in Sunday School.
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Elisha “don't call me bald I'm warning you”
Forest children “hey baldy”
Elisha “god can you teach these kids a lesson”
God - sends female bears to maul kids
Elisha
Secured my spot as a top 100 most memorable rdrama poster
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God really mellowed out in his old age.
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Yeah, it's kind of a funny book lol.
Follower of Christ
Tech lover, IT Admin, heckin pupper lover and occasionally troll. I hold back feelings or opinions, right or wrong because I dislike conflict.
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Jonah is probably the biggest individual chud, but I have to give credit to Psalm 137 for being a 2500 year old fedpost
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Book version makes this guy seem considerably more unhinged.
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siiiiiiiiip what happens in Ninevah stays in Ninevah
Yep, it was way more fun back when the pagans ran it
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No, the main character was the whale
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yesssss we need the entire bible greentexted
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Amazing post, +1
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