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HOTEP we/wuz/kangz :!marseyhotep: :carphotep:  1yr ago (text post) Edited 1yr ago 464 thread views #200531

Was Jonah the biggest chud of the Bible?

>Be Jonah, the prophet.

>Get told to go to Nineveh and tell them to repent.

>”Why tf are you sending me to that shithole God?” :marseychud:

>”Why not just glass them like Sodom and Gomorrah and be done with it?”:chudsmug:

>Realize He's gonna be merciful to your enemies AGAIN. :chudconcerned:

>Frickthat.jpeg :marseyfuckyou:

>Hitch a boat in the opposite direction :chudjakdancing:

>God sends a storm :marseyrain:

>Tell God-fearing sailors you're a prophet and convince them to throw you overboard. :marseydeception:

>Would rather die than see that degenerate shithole, Nineveh be saved.

>Get tossed overboard. :marseydefenestration:

>get immediately swallowed up by a whale. :chudtantrum: :obesedaddysgirl:

>Fml fine you win I'll give the Ninevites their stupid message. They're not gonna repent anyway. :marseygiveup:

>get barfed up next to Nineveh :marseypuke:

>go to Nineveh

>deliver Message :marseypop2:

>They listen

>Go to cliff

>Wait for Nineveh to be Sodom and Gomorrah'd :marseychuddance:

>Nothing Happens :chuditsover:

>Hefrickingsparedthemagain.jpeg

>”HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!” :chudturbospergout2:

62
New Old Top Bottom Controversial Random
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https://i.rdrama.net/images/1693332021321898.webp

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Man, these new-fangled bible books for kids are really getting weird these days...

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>terminally online zoomers with no attention span can only understand God and the Bible through low-effort MS Pant internet memes

https://i.rdrama.net/images/16933339746606753.webp !christians

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Laypeople haven't actually been reading the book since the 1700s, they just learn it in Sunday School.

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Did you know that Luther hated the book of Jonah and said it's yet another example of (()) ruining the world? Chuds all the way down. :marseygiveup:

[...] Martin Luther has taken a directly opposite approach, regarding Jonah as the epitome of envy and jealousness, which he regarded as inherent characteristics of the Jewish people. Luther likewise concludes that the kikayon represents Judaism, and that the worm which devours it represents Christ. Luther also questioned the idea that the Book of Jonah was ever intended as literal history, commenting that he found it hard to believe that anyone would have interpreted it as such if it had never been included in the Bible. Luther's antisemitic interpretation of Jonah remained the prevailing interpretation among German Protestants throughout early modern history.

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>be German

>Seethe about Jews and Italians

>Destroy Europe

:#marseymanysuchcases:

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How did you find this out about Martin Luther.

:marseyshook:

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I'm one of the few r-slurs who took extra classes in Religion during HS thinking I'd learn cool shit about the bible but instead I had to learn about the morality of preimplantation (genetic) diagnosis and the shortcomings and anti-semitism of Luther. :marseyeyeroll:

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Martin Luther was 100% correct about the corruption of the Church, and also at the same time is responsible for the single worst things ever done in the name of Christianity

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Darn that sucks lol.

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Were you at a :marseypope: school or is it just standard practice to dunk on :marseyluther: in balkanland?

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RELI LK OPFER LMAO

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The more I read the more I think this Luther guy was right about the Jews :marseythinkorino:

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/pol/ infographics don't count as reading.

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https://i.rdrama.net/images/1693384557534119.webp

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:marseywut2:

Care to elaborate?

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:marse#ygiveup:

I don't really have any strongly held beliefs, Jew posting is just funny to me.

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>amused by 2,000 year old meme

it stopped beginning at the First Council of Nicaea for antisemitecels

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He got upset when the Jews didn't convert after he cucked the Catholic church causing him to chud out, behind every chud is a failed progressive.

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Elisha “don't call me bald I'm warning you”

Forest children “hey baldy”

Elisha “god can you teach these kids a lesson”

God - sends female bears to maul kids

Elisha :marseykneel::marseycool:

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God really mellowed out in his old age.

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Yeah, it's kind of a funny book lol.

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Jonah is probably the biggest individual chud, but I have to give credit to Psalm 137 for being a 2500 year old fedpost

Remember, Lord, what the Edomites did on the day Jerusalem fell. “Tear it down,” they cried, “tear it down to its foundations!”

Daughter Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is the one who repays you according to what you have done to us. Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks. :marseybibgenocide:

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Book version makes this guy seem considerably more unhinged.

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be lot

have angelic visitors

ask them not to r*pe your male friends

offer them your virgin daughters as a consolation r*pe

lose wife to saltification

get r*ped by your daughters anyways

have incest babies in a cave

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siiiiiiiiip what happens in Ninevah stays in Ninevah

Yep, it was way more fun back when the pagans ran it

:#marseyboomer: :#boomerportrait:

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No, the main character was the whale

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yesssss we need the entire bible greentexted

:marseyyugi: tripple dubs says so

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Amazing post, +1

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:#marseyyeti:

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