gigachad stimmaxxer takes all the drugs

Never had a case prior to this and in 8 months I got 5 - 9 felonies, 8 misdemeanors, and I was playin both sides of the coin - cops wanted a snitch, I wanted good dope so I'd feed them bullshit and know they could get me out of shit if I got caught with my ear to the street and some track marks on my arms, neck, legs, feet...wherever I could hit.

Judge Bohren, in Waukesha, Wisconsin, laid me down for 11 months in county. I was in amd out, lost my wife, kids, was surviving on some digital gangster shit because SQLi and rooting boxes was what I'd done most of the years I was high. Good email lists and social network databases are a fricking gem if it has full data.

Fast forward he looked at my record like dude what the heck happened. I'm not letting you back out. I don't know what happened to your life, but you had a clean record, now it's like you've had one for 15 years with all these charges. He couldn't in good conscience let me back out...10/14/2014.

I got out 10/14/2017. Hard to stay clean. Not from dope, but ice..3-5 days, frick parole, I went off the rails again. But at least started meetings and rehab. I tried. Got 2 years clean and was for the first time in 20 years drug free. It was fricking wild to me, no weed, no nothing. Then God threw the fricking wrenches of all wrenches at my family - The nephew I told you about up there? That did heroin? The one i caught atealing pills from me so syarted giving them to him as long as he asked and i could monitor it? He had struggled on and off. I told and tried to teach him everything I could. eventually I flew him to Nebraska to stay around my family, and especially myself, there as we owned a resort on one of the many lakes. Thought it'd be a good thing for him. Doesn't know anybody, grandparents, great grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins...we were all there operating this business. Had a talk with him that he can't do this shit down here because he told me some shit was coming into town and I said don't. You can't trust it. This is mexican shit that's cut and it'll kill you. I'm alive for a reason, don't ruin this place for me or yourself.

3 days later I found him in his room, blue, foam coming out of his mouth as well as alot of liquid that had pooled up from the edema in his lungs that had nowhere else to go but out his nose and mouth.

Fricking here i go off the fricking rails again...slamming ice straight to my neck on a path to heck to go see him or something. Frick if I know.

My PO found out, and she threw me in jail, watched my butt 1000% closer. But between my family, parole, meetings, and the friends I'd made over the years around the country, I finally got clean again in 2020 amd been that way ever since, until Dec 14th of last year to Dec 31st on ice.

Back on that sober train now though.

It's been a living fricking heck. It's lifted me up. It's broke me. It's enslaved me to a life where I don't know if tomorrow I'm.going to use and hate myself for the next week or if tomorrow I'll be okay. No matter how hard I try, I can't shake rhe guilt I feel about getting my nephew started on the same drug that killed him, or why I'm here and he's not when I've already fricked my shit up. He had just turned 21. Beautiful life ahead of him. And here I sit with what feels like no fricking purpose because I don't feel shit except broken and hurt and pain, sad, all the negative shit from the damage the drugs did to my brain in regards to emotional regulation.

Getting sober fricking sucks. Because now I have to somehow deal with all the shit that I did for 25 fricking years. Sadly, some of that shit goes to the grave with me, and I can't say shit about any of it, to anybody, ever. It's the crosses you choose to nail yourself to in te middle of that lifestyle that you have to carry when it's over that make it extremely fricking hard for you to look at yourself in the mirror with anything but pure disgust and animosity. Knowing the piece of shit I had become and things I'd done to hurt others.

Getting sober, saved my life,I just wish I'd done it while I still felt like it was a life that was worth being sober and saving.

That's how getting sober had been. It's taken me 10 years. I finally got my children back. But not because I'm doing better. My exwifes mom died and she couldn't make it on her own so after alienating my ENTIRE family from their life, she finally had to swim across that river to my parents and ask for help. Frick her for that. Anyway...that's it. It's more than I wanted.to say but that's the facts as co.pressed as possible.

Sorry it was so long.

Edit: pi k shwrd is meth thats pink because it used red phosphorous and/or iodine in the ephedrine reduction process. Pre-pseudoephedrine. A lot of people don't realize that you can get salt licks for farm animals in the Midwest that are medicated with Ephedrine if they're lookin to extract it, real ones what what's up. Got that anhydrous too. Problem is meixmeth is way cheaper and less risky to get hands on so it's usually cut with N-ISO, MSM, and whatever else it gets stepped on with in the process of breaking it down for smaller and smaller dealers.