You're at - 6. Good luck buddy

My "friends" stopped talking to me about two years ago, it was during the worst of the pandemic. I loved those guys like my brother (who also used to hang out with us), it's a shame they didn't feel the same.

I've lost all my confidence, I genuinely hate myself. I have lots of reasons to feel like this, however most of them come from habits my old friends used to have.

I got into this drug called dxm, you've probably heard about this drug if you haven't had a job before (or are like 13 yrs old lol). I also started smoking a lot of weed on top of that.

I did it like 3-4 times a week all the way back from when those frickers ditched me to now, though my usage has skyrocketed. I just do it because it literally makes me feel like I'm dying, it's great and so euphoric because I actually want to frick8ng die lol.

Recently I've been finding myself thinking about my old friends romantically for some fricking reason, I guess my brain wants to make me feel like a bigger joke than I already am. I never really looked at them that way, however I do remember thinking that one of my friends in particular had a really nice butt.

The problem is that I'm religous, christianity is not very fond of homosexuality. Luckily I'm bi so it's easy-ish to hide my sexuality, though I prefer boys because girls are too much drama.

I just hate myself, everything about myself disgusts me. I get into these thought loops where the only thing that exists in my mind is a storm of pain and anguish in the form of the awful traumatic memories I've had throught my lifetime.

I genuinely can't think and it feels like I lost the script, life doesn't make sense anymore.

I can't even make friends at uni, I don't even know how to speak to people anymore due to fear of being ridiculed.

It's actually gotten so bad that I'm socially anxious around my parents and relatives, they can tell that I'm flying off the wagon. One time on vacation I was fricked up on a half bottle of nyquill and a shit ton of kpins, I was talking to them whilw nodding out and slurring the shit out of my speach. Yet they didn't care as much as I though they would, shame.

I'm not accepted by my peers, my relatives don't understand me, my friends left, and my brother still hangs out with those same friends to this day while I rot. I wish I had the guts or knowledge to at least make one single friend.

I cry myself to sleep every night, I'm also usually high while doing it. The drugs don't even work anymore, the pain is too powerful.

Recently I've started sending nudes and videos of myself to boys on snapchat, I met them off of reddit since I can't socialize lol. The worst part is that since my body is really smooth and feminine, I get a lot of attention from them. People tell my how nice my butt is or how cute my face is or this and that and so on, it's just nice to hear feedback that isn't meant to make you lose hope for humanity. I keep doing it because it fills a hole in my soul, my lonely soul.

It's 3:18am, I can't sleep because of my new meds so frick me. All I can think about is how shit my life is. I can't even appreciate the good because I'm so lonely, but I have the right to be angry because I'm made fun of at uni for being the "quiet kid".

I genuinely think if most people would give me the chance to get comfortable with them they would really like me.

I mean, the boys on snapchat like me. It's not as fullfilling because it's not an actual relationship, if I had a bf I would be a lot happier.

I thought about dating girls and tbh they're hot but very boring to talk to, maybe that's my fault tho because I'm extra nervous around the opposite s*x.

I just like boys slightly better, they know how to give really good handjobs. I'm starting to get off topic lol.

Other than that though I just want a bf that I can act all cute with but also hang out like the boys at the same time.

Unfortunately people like to judge people like me so I would never get into a same s*x relationship even though it woukd make me very happy, I'm just not ready to accept myself as gay let alone come out of the closet.

Frick me, I'm in a real pickle.

There isn't shit I can do tbh, I thought about downloading grindr and trying to find a bf but again the stigma prevents me from that.

My brother is a very normal guy and tbh, he makes me very very jealous. He's straight, he has a gf, he has a job, and he's going to be movi g out soon even though he's two years younger than me.

I just never feel like enough, I feel like I get the table scraps of life. I just wish I had someone next to me to cuddle me through the night, I need to feel the warm loving embrace of another person rather than my pillow.

I am just beyond sad, I'm getting better because I started wellbutrun (I'm also goijg to therapy) but my b-word doctor likes to slack and she's going to make me wait two weeks to up my dose😡🤬

I need my dose upped like yesterday tbh, I feel more energized but I still feel depressed. I feel like I have the energy to do more impulsive things so if anything my doctor is hurting me by not upping my dose in time.

Honwstly everytime I go to sleep, I pray to god that I will die in my sleep. It's what I deserve for being a flaming strag anyways. They throw people like me off buildings in the middle east, I always think about the fact that religous people hate me for no reason other than who I love. It's bullshit.

I'm also like 90% sure I'm having a manic episode because I'm really fricked up on the gabas and I keep.drinkingk energy drinks even thoufh it's like 330 lol. I don't care tho cuz my life is fricked anyways, I stopped giving a shit a long time ago. I'm trying to head to liver cirhossis city, so I can just fricking die already.

I also missed church on thrusday so not only is god going to darn me to heck for eternity because of who I love but I also fricked him over by jerking off with femboys on snapchat when I should be at church.

I love surfing past my old memories before my life got extrenely fricked up, 8t makes me sad tho, kinda bittersweet. I just wish I had someone by my side right now because I'm soo lonely🥺🥺🥺

Please guys, be careful with who you pour your energy into.

I can quite literally track my mental ability (or lack thereof) to my duster abuse. Only stopped because I had a seizure off it at 2am by myself at home and was like man I really don't wanna die for such a gay drug and stopped.

this trip has showed me that the earth truly is flat. while tripping i could see all dimensions and side of our planet and it was 100% flat. im sure i was meant to experience this now and i truly belive i am god and i created this flat earth. all hail me or you shall vanish

I'M AWESOME PLEASE GIVE ME ATTENTION I'M IN PSYCHOSIS PLEASE VALIDATE ME

Very common thoughts among the uninitiated.

i diddnt plan it i just did for no reason

based, get this man his keys

i can proudly say i drove during this

u from baltimore homeboy, lmk where you at and if you need a fade cuz ion take shi from jits