26? Jesus christ

You will never be the premium drama site. You have no history, you have no fun spergs, you have no traffic. You are a subreddit twisted by admin abuse and denial play into a crude mockery of nature's perfection.

All the 'traffic' you get is temporary and half hearted. Behind your back, redditors mock you. Subredditdrama is disgusted and ashamed of you, your 'users' laugh at your ghoulish CSS in groomcord servers.

Lolcows are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of devolution still allows lolcows to detect gigatarded trolls with incredible efficiency. Even those of you who 'pass' look uncanny and unnatural to a lolcow. Your username is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to almost get one into the ranch, he'll turn tail and bolt the moment you ask for his bussy.

You will never be funny. You wrench out a fake every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the boredom creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it'll be too much to bear-the janitors will forget to pay your host or get thrown off roofs by the shariah police. You will finally 404. Your users will find you, sad but relieved that they no longer have to waste time on your pages. You will be forgotten, just another of the millions of websites that once lived and no longer do. Once the archive sites begin deleting old data, all mention of you will finally be gone from the internet. It will be as if you never existed.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There's no turning back now.