How can I with being fat?

I've been overweight my whole life— my entire family is overweight as well. I also have PCOS, GERD, IBS and mental illnesses/trauma. So, naturally, losing weight has been an ongoing struggle for me for a very long time. I know I need to lose weight for my health, but it's starting to feel impossible. I know I'll never be pencil thin (I have a broad back for a woman, along with thick wrist bones and ankle bones and other stuff like that) but I'm starting to lose hope of ever being able to reach a healthy weight for myself. I also feel myself growing frustrated with just how long it takes to lose weight and see a physical difference— I honestly wish I could just snap my fingers and have all the fat sucked off my body— but I know that's not how things work.

Now, I want to make it clear that I know I have a lot of prejudice against myself for being fat (it's been drilled into my head since I was a young child), yet it doesn't seem to translate into prejudice towards other people. Idk why, but seeing myself is always a bad thing— I'm ugly and fat (derogatory), but other plus sized people look absolutely fine and gorgeous. So, that's why my title is the question I posed— I just want to know how to cope with my appearance. This way I don't spend so much time feeling horrible about myself. Like, I literally have trouble staying focused in the bedroom with my partner because, one minute, I'm enjoying things, not a care in the world, then the next minute, it's like I have a horrifying realization— I remember what I look like and just feel so ugly and undesirable (even tho my partner doesn't think that at all). It's like something drags me back to reality and reminds me of my appearance to intentionally ruin whatever I'm doing. This happens when I'm out with friends, too. I get dressed up all cute, do makeup, feel attractive— but then, the minute one of my friends shows me pics they took of me or (god forbid) took while I wasn't paying attention, I see myself and feel disgusting. I do have OCD (untreated currently bc it's hard to find a psych), so I'm sure that isn't helping with my obsessive thoughts about my appearance, but there has to be something I can do. How do I cope with/accept my appearance while struggling with weight loss? Also, does anyone know why I find other plus sized people attractive/don't feel any negative feelings towards them, but can't stand to look at myself?

Would truly appreciate some help in the comments— I just want to be able to live in this body of mine without feeling hatred and disgust for myself. I want to be able to live life without thinking/worrying about my appearance constantly.

Also, if anyone else experiences this/something similar, and wouldn't mind sharing, I'd love to hear from you— it would be nice to know I'm not alone in these thought patterns and feelings.

!foidmoment