I (22f) ment this guy back in 2023 and me and him been on and off being just f buddies. I rlly started to catch feelings for him and would think about him everyday like all day and i continue sleeping with him hoping that one day he would like me or see my worth . It's so bad sometimes. He was always so rude to me one over text but then in person he was fine with me then after he sleeps with me he gets disrespectful and ghosts til he wanted to use me again. We only hangout once when I first ment him then after that he told me he wasn't interested, ghosted me for a bit and then came back and said he wanted to just be frick buddies. He told me multiple times he didn't want me and only using me for s*x but I still couldn't let him go. He also gave me chlamydia before even tho he claims it was me and lied and told ppl I gave it to him but he been the only one I slept with In 2023 so it was definitely him giving it to me. Pls Don't judge me for continuing to sleep with him after that Ik I should've ended it but I couldn't get myself to😔. Then recently he cut me off rlly rudely again and I seen on his story of him with a girl, he never posted girls since I knew him so Ik this girl he actually likes and literally only knew her for a week and was always hanging out with her but he never once asked to hangout with me the past two years he only wanted to see me at night for s*x. it just hurts seeing him treat someone good knowing that he was so bad to me. For some reason I still can't get over him and I find myself always watching there stories and getting hurt over it. The two years I rlly lost myself I stop having interest in fitness, yoga and other stuff that help my mental health that I use to do daily which actually use to help me so much in 2022 and I haven't been doing anything but being sad in bed thinking about him, and would day dream about him alot . I hate how long I let myself get depressed over someone that never respected me and idk how to move . I can't even find myself any more and I want to be okay with moving on and not letting him back but my mind just won't let me and I hate it so much . Ik he's not good for me and that I should just block him but I can't get myself to keep him blocked I always unblock him to see who he's following and what he is posting it's like a addiction at this point. And I easily let him back and one time he told me it was entertaining on how bad he treats me but I still let him back. He made me so insecure with myself.Srry if this is long or dumb to not get over him but I rlly wished I can get help but can't rlly afford therapy and it would be embarrassing to tell someone that I'm struggling over a guy I'm not dating. I will try to add some ss in the comments of how he talked to me when he claims he didn't like my body ss from May then the next second he enjoyed my body ss from last month . But it doesn't rlly matter anymore since me and him currently don't talk.
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I don't doubt that you're caring,
@Rad_juju. 
I've seen your kitten posts and trust that there truly is goodness within you. If there is a way wIthout angering you and in the nicest way possible I call to question if you sublimate your maternal instincts towards animals rather than seeking the higher (human, interpersonal, true gift of self sacrifice) good. If you ask an honest question of me you receive an honest answer and I mean you no ill, I pray for your family daily and have for at this point months.
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You do realize some women cannot have children, do not want to, or utilize copper IUDs in current year, right?
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