First off, no, I'm not any kind of fantastic professional chef. I passed a technical school food prep course with a C+ back in high school and have worked fast food jobs for the combined total of maybe a year and a half.

That said, I am an amazing desperation chef. I've been making edible meals out of scraps since I learned how to use the microwave at 8 years old. I once survived for two weeks on three packages of Ramen, some bullion cubes, a package of hot dogs, various seasonings, and $10.

My desperation cooking days appear to be at an end, however, I would like to pass on my accrued real-world knowledge in hopes that someone between jobs or a poor zoomer doesn't starve to death.

ghetto chili

Peel and slice some potatoes. The thinner the better since the potato starch is what's going to thicken this up. Add skim milk and noodles and let simmer over low heat while covered, stirring often. We're going to get a gravy-ish broth here, so if it starts getting too thin leave uncovered for a bit to evaporate or add more noodles. You can add butter or oil if you'd like, I try to avoid it unless the noodles are really sticking.

Once it's thickened a bit add pepper. Shit tons of it. And a little salt, too. Stir it very well, and it should become a sort of disgusting gray color. Taste often to achieve target. Add veggies if you like.