[Spooky story/autism post] A heroic neurodivergent (female) on the internet has gone to the efforts of remaking an neurodivergent's home-brew mead.

This will take a bit of explanation. King Cobra JFS is an OG vlogger/streamer from Casper Wyoming. He is a noted neurodivergent, magic user, gothic bad boy, soap salesman, teeth not brusher, wand maker (magic wands), chi ball summoner, ventriloquist, computer duster enjoyer, alcoholic, s*x haver with OF AGE females, sicko hater, and food hacker.

Recently he has taken up the art of making prison hooch. Many speculate that this is because he figured out that he could use his EBT bucks to buy the ingredients to make alcohol even if he couldn't buy alcohol itself with them. But because King Cobra is classy, his plastic bottle homebrew efforts have turned towards the mead variety (read: he puts honey in his fruit juice swill as well). Mr. Cobra aka Cobes aka Josh has a notoriously bad taste palate which can be witnessed in any of his many cooking videos/food hacks; I personally don't believe he can taste anything but the strongest of flavors. This is likely due to a combination of his developmental disorders, autism, frequent smoking, alcoholism, and white trash upbringing. It's normally fine, even fascinating, but he has brought this into his mead making endeavors leading to a novel biological experiment that he's pretending is brewing. Keen eyed microbiology enjoyers will notice that he does basically 0 in the way of sanitation, because other microorganisms famously don't like eating sugars and organic matter.

The link above is a 17 minute video. I don't expect you to watch it, if you do I recommend using an extension that speeds up the silent parts. It can be summarized quite quickly. Here's his cutting edge mead recipe:

• Chocolate chip cookies, crumbled- very likely the pre-made cookie dough in the frozen isle variety

• 2 cups of sugar

• Entire container of honey (I think 1 cup of a local honey that probably costs more than everything else in this swill)

• Canned pickled jalapenos (also contains carrots and onions)

• 2 bananas, chopped/broken

• 32oz Monster Energy (he doesn't even use juice in this one)

• 1L water

• 1 packet of quick fermenting wine yeast

This unholy mixture is then manually mixed by shaking the frick out of the container and left to ferment to ideally turn some of this sludge into alcohol for a man pretending this is a hobby instead of an addiction without any pragmatic solutions. I believe it he intends to sample his variety of homemade meads tonight, on the spookiest night of all (I believe he's already drank some).

This was just preamble though. The real story begins now with a pregnant kiwi farmer who has decided for whatever reason to recreate this blend of sludge and perspective alcohol.

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/kingcobrajfs-josh-saunders.22713/post-17030131

TLDR, after many amateur brewing debates in the King Cobra thread, she has done the sneedful and recreated the concoction. To my eye, it looks about picture perfect to the original. And it has been left to brew. Just yesterday, the results were revealed!

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/kingcobrajfs-josh-saunders.22713/post-17071071

To the surprise of nobody, the results were less than margaritaville. However, we did have 2 wholesome moments I enjoyed:

1. She got her husband to try this horrific, spooky concoction (is there any more pure test of true love?)

My husband refused to drink it but I eventually convinced him to at least hold it in his mouth to taste it then spit it out immediately.

His only discription of the flavor was what he imagined "what someone elses bad breath would taste like". He also stated that he felt like it left a waxy coating in his mouth and he needed mouthwash immediately.

2. It was such a fricking toxic environment that it barely managed to ferment a bit

When I measured it now, the hydrometer showed that some sugar had indeed been converted to alcohol! A WHOPPING 1%!!!

Thats right, this abomination has 1% alcohol (and god knows what else). I have absolutly no doubt that there is some sort of fungal or bacterial growth also in this mixture. I strongly beleive this is due to the fatty and dairy content of the cookies and other junk he adds to his brews. The vinigar certainly didnt help.

It has been long (by long I mean since the brewing arc started a few months ago) assumed that King Cobra had been spiking his homemade abominations with actual alcohol so he wouldn't have to admit being a failure at doing something humans have been doing since thousands of years BC. This is due to his sub-optimal prep, his weird ingredient combinations, and his actually getting fricked up on them on stream. This seems to confirm that he somehow made some sludge even yeast couldn't stand.

I've given myself a marsify award so hopefully that will add enough emojis to make this entertaining. Goodnight toobs.