[Eye on TERF Island] 'I tried Heinz's new tinned carbonara and felt like weeping along with Italy'

For the man who chowed down nothing but fried egg sandwiches for six months and once had a late dinner comprised of Cathedral mature cheddar and Nutella, no tinned food is too much for me.

But this one nearly broke me. Heinz has invented some staples in their time as kings of the tinned empire. Heinz Beans are a staple of any self-respecting cupboard, their soup is remarkable, and their hooped spaghetti is a kids classic. So where does their carbonara slot into place?

Rock bottom. The dregs of ready-made pasta and a stain on the hearts and minds of Italian cookery. Take the chicken soup style Heinz is famous for and throw in some wet, soggy noodles. There you go. Bon Appetit.

Better cold than hot but not without its charm if you hold your nose. I can already feel it repeating on me. Those curdled bits of cream, the soggy noodle-like "spaghetti" inside this tin of surprisingly decent pancetta are tickling the uvula. An experience like no other.

Alessandra de Dreuille, Meals Director at Kraft Heinz said: "We understand that people are looking for convenient meals that are effortless to prepare, and our new Spaghetti Carbonara delivers just that. It's the perfect solution for a quick and satisfying meal at home. Whether enjoyed as a comforting meal after a long day or shared with friends whilst catching up on the latest TV series, Heinz Spaghetti Carbonara is the perfect fuss-free dinner solution."

dude dinner solutions lmao