I love golf so much. Arnold Palmer, my best friend, he loved me so much. He had such a giant gorgeous peepee.

It was r-slurred big, like porno big. Mine is pretty big but not like his. I'd watch him wash it in the showers, gently soaping it up, letting it get to a half chub. He would always catch me admiring it and he'd smirk at me. He had the best smile folks. He'd turn to me and start stroking it some more till it was fully erect. He called it his Driving Wood. He'd nod his head at me to come to him and I'd join him in his shower. He would shove my head down and have my way with my mouth. At first I could only take a few inches but over the years I could throat so good. He tells me "you're the best at this how did you get so good?" So that's how I got the nickname the Throat GOAT. I didn't give it to myself, other people just say it. He would rawdog me for an hour at a time. Nobody could give it like Arnold. His massive veiny peepee up in my butt, rearranging my guts. You know he invended feng shui, he really did. We would go to Japanese brothels, because we're best friends, and he'd find the shortest, most petite hooker. He'd say "I'll take that one with a side of fried rice." And they'd give him the rice too, it was incredible. He had such a way with words. He fricked that little whore so hard that it realized her uterus and maximized her chi. So when he was close to climaxing he would pull his beautiful pendulous peepee out of my butt and shoot his creamy goodness all over my face. Good thing we were in the shower because he shot A LOT. The likes of which you have never seen folks. It was A LOT. He was like an Alabama firehose and I was his little BIPOC. It got in my hair and my eyes but mostly in my eagerly awaiting mouth. It tastes so good. You know that's how the Arnold Palmer drink was invented, I was trying to describe the flavor to the club bartender, Enrique, and he nailed it. His jism had an earthy lemony flavor, best I've ever tasted. And Enrique wasn't an illegal. His parents moved here legally, not like how things have been.

Anyway, it's been wonderful talking to you about coal mining, Pennsylvania, good night folks!