Titane: a review

I kinda liked Raw when I saw it so I sat down and watched this with my dad and man it was a mess.

I don’t think I hated it as much as he did but I’m in the “this is pretty dumb” camp. Shots linger, and oh boy do they linger; a good 15 minutes of this movie is just shots that should have ended.

The initial premise of this movie is about a woman who gets a metal plate installed into her head and twenty years later becomes a serial killer. Then she has s*x with one car which leads to her getting pregnant so I can’t really say she has a sexual paraphilia.

Then the movie just says frick all this and becomes a totally different movie when she disguises herself as a missing man and is taken in by an unstable firefighter. Then the movie just kinda stops for a long time and there’s like a subplot where one of the firefighters knows she’s a serial killer but he gets blown up but maybe not really bc she sees him in the crowd with some burns later on but that never comes up again.

This movie also completely stops what it’s doing twice to watch all the buff men they got to play firefighters dance in slow motion to shitty euro pop.

The thing that gets me is that there’s no fricking reason for any of the first half of the movie to exist. The fact she has a metal plate in her head doesn’t fricking matter. The fact she had a car’s child also doesn’t really matter at all, all it does is give us some really shitty body horror. Which yeah I’m going to complain about how all the “body horror” we got was just her spitting up oil and there being very shiny metal under her skin. It was lame as heck.

Don’t watch this movie unless you enjoy huffing your own farts so much you have brain damage.