Battlefield Earth (2000) is the infamous Scientology propaganda film commissioned by John Travolta. It is considered one of the worst moves ever made, but I'd never seen it before yesterday.
It is now one of my favourite films.
Literally everthing about this movie is hillariously bad. The sheer incompetence is awe-inspiring and I didn't want it to end.
Story & Writing
In Battlefield Earth, a species of 10-foot tall aliens called Psychlos (seriously) run a mining colony on Earth after conquering the planet a thousand years ago after a war lasting just nine minutes. Humans are now reduced to stone-age tribes in irradiated wastelands, or slaves of alien masters.
I can't really say much more except it makes no sense. The Psychlos believe "man-animals" are too stupid to mine for gold, but they already employ humans as a labour force in their city.
The film is filled with the most ham-fisted exposition I've ever heard. As an audience-member, can you understand what blackmail is? Yes? Too bad! We're going to tell you anyway in 90 additional seconds of dialogue!
The Acting
John Travolta stars the scheming Psychlo security chief named Terl (seriously), trying to earn a transfer off the planet. His nemesis is the human Johnny Goodboy (seriously), played by a wooden Barry Pepper, who must lead humans to freedom.
Travolta's (and everyone else's) performance is so far over the top, he can't see all the way down. He isn't chewing the scenery, he is engorging himself upon it. Hense my favourite line in any movie anywhere:
If you ever wanted to see John Travolta in dreadlocks and a codpiece shooting the legs off a cow, this is the film for you.
Even Forest Whitacker, who's acting talent is undeniable, is wasted with nothing to do except deliver terrible dialogue.
Cinematography
A "Dutch angle" is a filming technique where the camera is tilted off the horizon to portray a scene of uneasiness or tension.
Literally the entire film is shot in this way. It looks like the DP had a stroke.
Also, there are loads of corny slo-mo shots, an over-use of wipe transitions, and most scenes are shot with an ugly, sickly purple filter.
Pacing
Battlefield Earth is all over the place. Fast-paced action set pieces are inter-cut with corny slo-mo. Thematically important scenes are not allowed to breathe, but are immediately followed by more exposition or John Travolta overacting.
Special Effects
Honestly, for 2000, the special effects aren't half bad. It all looks ugly as sin, of course. But I think this was a deliberate choice rather than technical negligence.
Summary
This film is worse than I ever thought possible and lives up to its reputation. But it's so bad, it became a joy to watch. I found myself laughing many times at the sheer absurd awfulness of this movie.
If you haven't seen Battlefield Earth, I thoroughly recommend it. I love this movie.
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Whenever you post this I don't read it.
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Stop downmarseying me you fricking meanie
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Stop not reading my hilarious yet informative effortposts about politics in foreign countries.
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I read
Btw did it really take you 18 minutes to find this gif?
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I don't have special alerts to wake me up every time you post something r-slurred. I'm not a SAC pilot on 5 minutes notice to get airborne before the missiles land.
As for the gif that goes back a billion years. I think I got it from Ed.
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