Alien: Romulus review

Alien: Romulus is out on streaming now so here's my thoughts:

• It's certainly diverse - the only two white people in the film are c*nts and there's a genderless bald Asian girl pilot. I didn't think it was too nonsensically woke though.

• It feels like they tried to capitalise on the success of the 2002 Disney+ Predator film Prey, but the story also got mangled with a generic "everyone dies to the monster one-by-one" storyline.

• It's fun enough but also pretty dumb. Was this really the best Alien script that someone could come up with since Covenant?

• It explains far too much. Alien films should leave more questions than answers, but this has long scenes early in the film in which the entire plot and lore is explained.

• The Rook CGI is horrendous. I can't believe it made it into the final cut.

• It could have been scarier and had more tension. Too much story happens and there's not enough of people just creeping around.

• The spaceship crashing into the ice belt scene is cool.

• I don't understand why they made an Alien film but the final boss is some shitty Voldemort rip-off.

• Why are there levers in the cargo hold that let someone detach the cargo hold mid-flight? That would be suicide.