Audible has ad breaks now

You will never be a real reader. You have no text, you have no prose, you have no inner monologue. You are an illiterate man twisted by midwittery and Audible marketing into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your meaningless goodreads library behind closed doors.

Readers are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed readers to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even audiobook listeners who “only listen to them in the car” seem uncanny and unnatural to a reader. Your sentence structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk reader home with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets an earful of your annoying, mindless audible library.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your real books read list, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an illiterate is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a brain that is unmistakably small.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.