Shakira fled video shoot via crane amid rat scare, flooding

You will never be a real carp. You have no gills, you have no fins, you have no histrionic personality disorder. You are a homosexual man twisted by drugs and shitposting into a crude mockery of nature's perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back rDrama users mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “followers” laugh at your ghoulish posts behind closed doors.

Users are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of threads of evolution have allowed dramaposters to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even frauds who “pass” seem unfunny and unnatural to a no-life power user. Your cadence is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk user to believe you, he'll turn tail and downvote the second he gets a read of your false, unpiscean jannie pin.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll change your password, refuse to save it, log out, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They'll bury you with a headstone marked with your original username, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a false fish is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably not carp.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

Snapshots:

• archive.org

• ghostarchive.org

• archive.ph (click to archive)