Am I still a loser despite not giving up yet?

Not giving in and improving is better than a shitload of people. Keep going

Personally, I think you should go on a fishing trip in Alaska with a .357 magnum, catch or find an obviously dead halibut and then shoot it in your boat (in self-defense) and then slowly sink the boat but swim ashore with .357 magnum in one hand and the halibut in the other hand.

It will help your mental.

You're not a loser if you're still in the game, fam.

Mental health shit is hard. Nobody is 100% perfect with that shit.

All you gotta do is keep trying to improve or do the best you can.

Be kinder to yourself dude

Despair? More like DEEZ NUTS

I'm sorry, hun. I know what it's like to go through it. Do you have adequate treatment? Meds, therapy, exercise, etc?

Keep going OP. Refusing to give up and continuing to make improvements, however marginal, is integral. There will always be people who are smarter or wealthier than you or me, so comparing yourself to others is a losing game. The secret is becoming the best version of yourself for that day, and then finding ways to better that version the next day. Learn something new every day, do something nice for someone else every day, and continue doing what you're already doing.

When you succeed, you won't even recognize the person you were.

Have you tried gay s*x though?