I firstly improved my daily routine by specifically setting aside one hour for python and one hour for housecleaning. So now almost every task on the list has a bare minimum time range which ensure everything gets done at least a bit every day after which if the list is done early I can continue longer term with the priorities.
I talked to a foid on video call today. We talked for 2 hours. I opened up to her about bad experiences. I know. I know. Around foids never relax. But I am playing by Nietschein rules. If the worst thing that can happen is somebody not liking you then you can risk it.
The downside is that it drained the life out of me for the moment. I found out that in the deeper layers I am still a raw insecure human being in some ways.
I also admitted to very possibly being an neurodivergent or at least very sure something was definitely off in my skull for me to be this weird and deviated from common humanity.
I am only contacting her once a week so that I do not grow too needy and attached to someone who doesn't feel the same way back. That's always a negative experience.
Anyways I guess today I have been hitting my low and hopefully I will be fully recovered by tomorrow.
The problem with forever improving yourself is that you will always find something wrong with yourself for we aren't the ubermenschen and so there will always be something wrong with us.
Luckily for myself I have buried the instinct to keep marching on no matter what too deeply within myself so I just keep going no matter what else happens.
I will admit though, I do wish I had retained enough of my humanity to believe in love.
I am beginning to mildly worry that I might have torn too many pieces out of myself in the name of repairs.
Who knows. I will just have to rebuild them again in time I suppose.
I feel like Frankenstiens monster, but I am the one who replaced and stitched together an amalgamation of pieces on to myself.
On the bright side I did go through almost my entire list. Networking with people every day is the one skill that remains.
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I also set aside an hour for my python
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I upmarseyd this crap. That's how sad I am.
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one can always find something to not be okay with, set aside 15 minutes a day to remember/write/focus on the things that should make you feel ok. Making progress alone is one of them.
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I agree but it's also okay to feel sad from time to time just to get a hug. It humanizes you.
That's just my opinion though.
For me a life of constant lightheartedness is as unreal as one filled forever with misery.
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