EFFORTPOST Trying to be normal diaries 2 (mini post) - skydiving, sobriety, and Stan

You will never be Holly's son.

!biofoids where can we find you? To date. For guys 5/10 or below who can't use Tinder.

In previous posts, I made it quite clear that driving there was the primary challenge. In this case, I realized I'd have to deal with ramps, which terrify me, as well as the freeway which involves driving fast.

Like a little b-word, I missed my first ramp but I think I subconsciously did it on purpose because I was scared, but later on, there was another ramp that I entered. Sweaty hands on the steering wheel, I had to push my car faster than its ever been, at some points reaching higher than 140km/h.

To my surprise, the fear subsided once I realized that on high-speed roads, most people are extremely forgiving, and generally are just trying to get home. I overtook a lot of slow cars, which is something I seldom do. I also saw a car hit the curb, as well as a car. As sinister as it may sound, these things proved to me that I'm not the only one who can get involved in a car accident - it's pretty much unpreventable if you're going to drive.

The only bad thing that happened wasn't my fault. Some inattentive minibus driver throws on his hazards and stops in the middle of the road to pick up his passengers. It was the first time in my life I literally swerved and if I didn't reach fast enough I could have potentially been a mass murderer because it's always your fault if you rear-end someone.

Needless to say, the fear of driving has subsided, and dare I say it, with some good music and a nice view, it can be enjoyable. I recognize how deadly it is, and I don't know if the car accident flashbacks will stop, but driving 3 hours for the full trip and back is something to add to the cookie jar.

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Quick notes from Holly!

The cookie jar is a concept from Dave Goggins. Basically, you collect your best moments in life, your achievements, the times you proved to yourself that you're capable of something, and you add them to a mental cookie jar.

Far be it for me to make assumptions but I doubt any of us here are Navy Seals or ultramarathon runners. Still, we have our small achievements. Getting a job, a promotion, having the courage to break up with someone toxic - these are all cookies.

During your hardest moments, pull out the jar, and have a nibble. It'll give you the motivation you need to keep going.

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At first, I felt like I could only drive places I was familiar with, and in the morning when there's no traffic. Now I know I can handle the streets like the OG I was born to be. Send me anywhere and anytime and I can get there.

Lastly, truck drivers are based. They'll literally stop on the side of the road to let traffic pass to prevent lines from building up behind them. Support your local truck driver!

The Skydive

I arrived at the skydiving location. All the staff was gregarious, and I tried to match their energy. For example, when one guy asked about myself, I also asked him the same question. There was a secretary named C. And I made sure to call her by her name when we exchanged words.

There is a moment I'm particularly proud of, even though it's minor. So I wasn't the only diver. I was accompanied by a young girl, probably in her twenties. Gorgeous 9/10 white girl with braids.

She stood beside me and our equipment as we waited for the instructor to return. I turned to her and greeted her. She said hi back but she was very shy. I then told her my fricking name. She shared hers. I forgot what it was but it was a Nordic-sounding name beginning with a G. This is the first time in my life I've gotten this far in a casual conversation with a woman.

I could tell that she didn't want to chat so I didn't badger her any longer (I don't think she was pissed, just introverted) so I left her alone after that.

We then got on the plane. What do you think the most interesting thing on the plane was? The gorgeous girl? The equipment? The view of the coast below? Nay, none of this is what sticks in my mind.

What has captured me is the sense of camaraderie I saw between all the workers. I don't think you can call it friendship. A different kind of love develops between people when they're risking their lives together. I'm sure I'd see the same thing in the military. These weren't bros. They were brothers.

Far less interesting but still notable was how it was obvious that the girl was scared of jumping. Doing this was overcoming a fear as I said prior. This didn't really activate my fear response. On the other hand, talking to everyone there, telling her my name, far more terrifying moments for me.

The plane flew higher, ascending like an albatross in the late afternoon. This time, the door was wide open so I could see more of just how high we were. Again, what scared me the most was not following instructions and pissing my instructor off.

When we reached the right altitude, we jumped - and that was it. I hurtled to the ground but I felt nothing. If anything, it was peaceful. I could feel the change in temperate as we descended, then when it felt like we were headed for certain death, he opened the parachute.

Still, the ride wasn't over. He could do loops with the parachute like a rollercoaster. That part I liked. We eventually landed and I was left with the looming thought of “why the frick did I do that?”.

I want a gf.

Being an advice takercel

So many of you have told me to not get a piercing and to slow down with the benzos. Okay, I will. I will only take my medication as instructed and I will not pierce my face for now at least.

Benzos don't kill you automatically. They frick with you if you abuse them, which I have been doing because I got prescribed so darn much. Correct usage can be extremely helpful in ceasing panic attacks, reducing anxiety, and preventing self-harm compulsions. Benzos are medicine. The devil is in the dosage.

Some skydiving advice - wear gloves. it felt like my hands were freezing off!

A toast!

As I was hurtling from the sky, it became obvious that while physical activity is important to prevent fatness, it doesn't challenge me. The things that make me suffer are social. That's the direction I need to go in.

So I'll still join the hiking club, but that's more for cardio. Instead, I want to join the local Toastmasters society near me. I want to master public speaking, control a room with my words, and learn how to have a presence. Toastmasters is the way.

Plot hole in Stan by Eminem

In the last verse, Eminem plays himself and speaks about a news story he saw (obviously about Stan). However, he states the following:

Well this is bullshit. It did say it was to you. the tape mentions him multiple times, even quoting his lyrics.

1. Hey Slim, drank a fifth of Vodka, dare me to drive?

2. I loved you Slim, we could have been together

3. See Slim (screaming) shut up b-word I'm tryna talk

4. Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk

Gee, I wonder who the guy with Eminem's name tattooed across his chest was addressing. The only was this makes sense is if the tape was water damaged or something, preventing the contents from being heard.

You're in denial, it was always obvious it was addressed to you.

Conclusion

My only question is what time frame am I looking at? Months? Years? How long does it take a 156cm man trying to improve improve himself to find a gf. If I had some idea, it would give me hope.

I hope you've all had a great week. I know we're all battling our own demons and I want you to know you're not alone. We will suffer together, and we will find the light together.

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