[TGIF Story time] I had a girlfriend in Grad school who had strabismus (cross eyed but affects only one eye). I broke up with her in the most hilarious way possible

So she was a like a proper 8.5/10. I mean absolutely gorgeous except she was insecure about her condition which made her go overboard in her clothing and makeup choices, which is why I reduced 1.5 points. I was head over heels for her the moment I laid my eyes (😂) on her. Pretty soon we were talking, we were helping each other out with our studies and literally everyone knew within a month that we liked each other. Both of us were present for each other everywhere. Charades? We are on the same team. Group project? We're on same group.

If some random baseball match was going on, I would ask her who she would support based on the logos and then we would support them. It was so good.

Oh and she was fricking amazing in bed too.

Unfortunately nothing good lasts, and within 6 months we broke up.

See, all of the guys I have been friends with were pretty cool with her but one guy (let's call him Y) was too edgy. Whenever my ex (let's call her X) wasn't around, he would tell me to shake his hand or grab his wrist, and as I went for it he would look at the dude next to me and shout, guess who I am. I am X!! It's pretty funny in retrospect 😂 but I didn't find it funny then, although to be fair I didn't explode in anger and go full m'lady's honor on him too.

Anyway, matters started deteriorating soon, as I understood X wanted me to commit to her forever. She had created alternate timelines in her head and would spend hours daydreaming and telling me what school our kids would go to, which house we should buy etc etc. That she had told her parents about me and how awesome I am, why haven't I told my parents about how awesome she is. It's pretty cute to listen to that for 5 minutes, not for hours. And it's unbearable to listen to that chick shit constantly for days. And her style and fashion choices too started to grate on me. It was gaudy and garish as frick.

One example would be where we were going to hike a small hill during fall and the temperature would be expected to have dropped at the most to 40-50 degrees. There were 6 guys and 5 girls. We all had either a sweatsuit, or a light jacket or just a plain sweater on top of our shirts.

She had an exotic fur overcoat with a Dolce and Gabbana big butt belt and boots that looked like it was made for a SS officer rather than for hiking. Not only me, but literally everyone in our group was embarassed of her as we passed other hiking groups. Who's gonna tell her she looks like a jackass? Y even came up to me at one point and asked me "bro are you sure she can look at the mirror correctly?" Even I laughed.

Anyway since we spent so much time together, it didn't take her long before she realized I was pulling away from her. She tried to confront me about it once or twice but I just brushed her off saying we do a lot of things together and she's overthinking. But it was true. It was tiring to be with her. She simultaneously wanted to do the most classic girly stuff and yet wanted me to see her as "not like other girls".

Anyway, I won't go into the details, but finally I came out of the closet of dead relationships and told her yes I miss being single. She immediately threw a violent fit, breaking almost everything. I grabbed my laptop and phone and watched her in amusement breaking and wrecking everything. She broke her own laptop and phone and printer. She burnt all my class notes (😂😂😂) and threw the photo I had of my brother at my head. It missed by a large margin.

That was the last straw. I burst out laughing and told her (still grabbing my laptop and phone) "is there a reason why your aim is so poor". She just stared at me for a second and then sat down on the floor wailing, crying herself to bits. In between her sobs she yelled nonsense made up slurs at me (I still don't know what a kangaroo legged son of a b-word means 😂😂😂).

I realized this is my chance, grabbed whatever remained salvageable, went down to the landlord (he was already on the stairway), told him I would cover the next 3 months rent (the lease was ending after 3 months) even though I'm not going to be staying there anymore and moved in with the boys in another apartment.

Although while she was crying, I stayed on the hallway with all my stuff keeping an eye on her so that she doesn't try to commit suicide or do something stupid and called all of her friends. 2 of whom came within half an hour at which point I bailed. If she found a scissor or something and aimed it at the wall, it might actually blind or go in my neck who tf knows.

For the remaining 1 year and 2 or 3 months she didn't say a single word to me. She didn't tell anyone what I had said to her that day that made her cry but it was a great hit among the guys when I told it, quite frequently, at house parties.

That still is the funniest way I have ever broken up with somebody.

!r-slurs and !male feminists what's the funniest way you have dumped or been dumped by someone?

@Aevann please sir effortpost. My thumbs are sore.