I will not cut today

The Downfall

It's like being sucked into the ground roughly, like being turned inside-out and seared at a white-hot temperature. It's unbearable, painful, exhausting. Your mind craves for an escape but there is none because your mind is the source of the suffering. It courses through your body, chills your bones, freezes your thoughts, and kills your happiness.

Life isn't worth living when you're in this state. Suicide feels like the only answer, being alive feels painful. You can't see two minutes into the future, it's just the agonizing present bubbling within. So what's the cure?

The Cutting

Grab a razor blade and place the cold blade on your skin. It's a quick swipe, faster than swiping a credit card. All you see is white flesh for a brief moment before the blood begins to rush. It feels so good but it hurts so bad. You deserve the pain because you are a wicked person. You're alone in this world and nobody loves you.

Fighting the Urge

Today I will not cut myself. It's only one day but it's all I can muster. I make no promises about tomorrow. I don't know if tomorrow will be better. The monster may return, the evil thoughts may possess me again, and I will have to fight the giants of misery.

There will be tears but there will be no blood.