Update after seeing my hot gay psychiatrist & some advice for people who are depressed

Not a huge update and no one cares BUT I saw my hot gay psychiatrist yesterday. Still haven't been able to turn him. Huge FroCho L.

I have been off all meds now for a couple months. I did it behind my doctor's back because I hated the way the meds made me feel (emotionally numb, dissociated, borderline high all day). Even Ketamine started becoming unpleasant. I decided I would try to get better on my own.

I didn't see him for a few months as I found therapy was really emotionally difficult and I was also out of town. I went back yesterday finally and told him about going off the meds.

My psych said I am the best he has ever seen me (!!) and I don't need to go back on them. I am continuing therapy and most importantly continuing the lifestyle changes which helped me get over this period.

I was in a really dark place this time last year & I sort of feel robbed of the last 12 months of my life. I still don't feel my current life is worth living but I know I will be able to make one with time. If you are prone to depression, I have some advice. Mainly it's about controlling your environment and thoughts.

1. For me, the main thing is staying sober. My mood is even keeled as long as I don't drink. If you use any substance as a crutch, stop and consider if it's actually making the situation worse. I was sober almost the entire summer but when I tried "moderately" drinking again, I quickly realized how much the booze hurt my mental health. I'm back to sobriety and might join AA.

2. BEING CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT MEDIA I CONSUME. By media I mean which subreddits, twitter, music, TV shows, etc. Unsubscribe from all depression meme pages or negative subreddits. Only consume positive things. You might use dark or angry music to console you, but it's just keeping you in that mindset. Rap, pop and dance music will put you in a better headspace. Rdrama is one place I really need to avoid but I'm here for the debate tonight, then I'll be gone into the ether again. I also started getting really into contemporary art, it's a healthy and challenging hobby plus there are several art groups in Chicago so a nice community as well.

3. I paid a witch in Croatia for an energy cleansing.

4. Prayer. I asked a minister at my church to pray for me and started reading the Bible more and talking to God again. When things were really bleak I felt as though God had forgotten about me but He's always there.

5. Watching YouTube videos on near death experiences. It's oddly life affirming. They are all a little different but even across cultures they have common elements (moving rapidly through space, a being of light). If you look at life as a place for you to learn, it makes the hard times easier.

6. Watching my thoughts, not giving in to the victim mentality that you get with depression ("it's never going to get better"—>"It's gotten better in the past and I can get back there"). This is probably the hardest thing to do but makes the biggest difference. When you're depressed, those thoughts are very comforting but you're just prolonging your pain. Even if you don't believe it right away, think or say the opposite of whatever the thought you have. You need to practice new neural pathways.

7. Golden retriever cuddles (Chewy only tolerates me)

8. Support where you can get it. For me, it's mainly been my sister as you guys know. You can reach out to old friends, not to trauma dump but just catch up. You'll feel better connecting with other people. Support doesn't have to mean talking about the bad stuff. There are also religious groups, AA or group therapy, hobby groups, professional support like therapy, my witch in Croatia etc etc. If you join any online groups, be careful not to join anything geared for depression because those turn into very sad echo chambers. You don't need fake positivity, but you do need to get into more positive environments.

9. Mediterranean diet. It's the most delicious diet anyway. Hummus, fatty fish, veggies. The omega 3s are shown to help depression symptoms.

10. Exercise. I'm literally just going on walks at the moment but I'll start running again this week. Getting out of the house and in nature is VERY helpful.

11. Crazy hot Epsom salt baths. This is the only way I'm able to stay sober I stg because the hot baths relax me more than alcohol does. Helps MAJORLY with anxiety which is the main reason I drank. Getting massages has been proven to help depressed people as well because human touch releases the ✨ good chemicals ✨

12. DO NOT ROMANTICIZE YOUR DEPRESSION. I've also noticed this with alcoholics romanticizing their decline. Don't let it become your identity or you won't overcome it.

13. I went blonde again. It was just a symbolic change for trying to start fresh. Some people get tattoos or change their clothing style. You could redecorate your house. Making any visual changes help you move into a different mindset and get excited about the next chapter in your life.

Basically, once you are stable, throw absolutely everything you can at the depression. You may as well try (REALLY try) because if it doesn't work you can always keep yourself safe.

Finally, there are a few books on depression I would recommend: the Upward Spiral (the absolute best one imo), Lost Connections & the Depression Cure