Yeah so was going through a bit of a mental health crisis and they noticed that I had drunk almost the entirety of a litre bottle of whiskey which I had brought home from college. They notice the bottle first,by accident, it was hidden by me. I can mask being drunk quite well.
They confronted me about it, asked if all was okay. I've had mental health issues before so it was a pointed discussion. I said there was but I didn't want to talk about it. They said I didn't have to talk about it with them and in the same breath my Dad procedes to go through a check list of what it might be, to my annoyance.
I'm a bisexual man. I'm confident in this. I also know that when people hear of a bi guy they think ‘a gay guy in waiting' and the fact that my parents are in their late 60s and Irish ‘Culchies' (look it up) I wasn't even sure they would be aware or acknowledge what a bisexual person is.
The pointed questions continue I feel trapped. The moment that's been festering in my frontal cortex for the better part of a decade is finally actualising itself in front of me.
I find myself shooting out the room, despite myself I say ‘I think I'm having a panic attack'
I Shoot upstairs into the bathroom
I've given the game away
I'm conflicted. A part of me wants to tell them. Another wants to retain this secret. Secrets are a rarity for only children. ‘You've debased whatever currency you had in the proud market P' I resign to myself
I say it. Confidently and to the point as I have rehearsed. In a way that they'll understand.
‘Do ye know what bisexual means?' Yes ‘Okay well I'm that… I'm attracted to women but I also happen to be attracted to men'
I'll not go into the various things that were said but the general flavour was one of disappointment but support. I'm very satisfied and wished I had done this far earlier in my life.
However, since last Sunday, there have been statements and insights that confirm why I was reluctant to do so. Statements like,
Well you are probably confused You'll meet the right person (girl) You're afraid of women
I'm glad I didn't do it earlier as I'm sure I would have been convinced out of it at an early age and that would have caused far more trouble.
the biggest surprise of all
came immediately after I had ‘come out', as it were, after rushing back from a quick flight to the bathroom so not as to look at them immediately after saying what I had said, after a pregnant silence, my Dad speaks first
‘Do you remember there was builders here…'
My Father is not the most articulate, ‘and neither are you' some of the more catty dispositions are probably quipping to themselves, and has a penchant for inserting the most inappropriate anecdotes into a discussion. Yet still after processing that statement I have absolutely no frame of reference to what he is about to say. Is this an anecdote?
‘Frank!' Mum says
‘Wait what…' I say
‘There was builders here when you were two.' Dad continues
‘Jesus Frank don't bring that up.'
By now I have gotten the flavour of what they're saying, at least I think I do, and my parents have a terrible habit of giving over just a crumb of information and then coveting the rest for all eternity.
Well, I'm demanding it
Mum takes over after scolding dad for even bringing this up.
‘There was work done on this house when you were two. There was one builder that was very fond of you and he would play with ye and give ye sweets and all. And one day you came crying to us saying he had touched you here (you can infer where, dear reader) … and well I brought it to ‘our family doctor' who said I could bring it further if I wanted… but you were a child and we didn't.. well we didn't…
‘Believe me?' I interject
My mum gives me a look.
‘Yeah'
My Dad's main point after saying all that
‘… well don't let this distract from any of this work you have to get done that's THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! WE CAN'T BE PAYING FOR YOU TO BE DOWN THERE….” and the regular scheduled programming resumes
Well I'll try Dad… thanks
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