I told my lady friend that she can't move in because I value inner peace

Her lease is almost up, and of course the rent is increasing by some arbitrary amount. I offer my sympathies.

About a week later she stopped by with some absolutely gorgeous NY strip steaks from the fanciest butcher in town. Then she did some other things which won't be mentioned.

Afterwards, she drops the bomb, says it "just makes sense" that she move in. She is going to make my life so much easier, "even though you hate women," she jokes.

I interrupt her pitch to explain that no one, not even prime sydney sweeney herself, is going to share the same living space with me again. I am a man of peace, not a beast of burden. I'm not looking to trade labor and resources for s*x, can't do the daily existential dread of 2000 guys on her phone, and sometimes I spend entire days sun up to sun down just chillin' with dogs instead of advancing my lot in life.

She fired back incredulously, demanding to know if my plan was to actually just live alone forever until I am old and die alone. Sounds bad when you put it like that, but I had to concede it was true.

She has been rather cold since (3 word text replies!) and I'm guessing there's someone else entering the picture sooner rather than later. Maybe I will regret this in the future, but such is the price to live in peace, sleep in your own king bed by yourself, and never have to go to a destination wedding.