Girkin wrote a fanfic

Walking around Hogwarts with Rita Skeeter.

(From a series of articles by the inimitable Daily Prophet Special Correspondent, Rita Skeeter, on the most liberal of the former England schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry.) Part 1.

So, my adored readers - dear non-magicians, as well as magicians, today I continue my illustrious series of articles about the updated Hogwarts - the best school of witchcraft and wizardry - I'm not afraid to say - on the whole planet! Today we will visit this advanced educational institution again and find out what has changed at Hogwarts since we last visited there.

Our journey, according to tradition, begins at the nine and three-quarters platform, where the Hogwarts Express is waiting for us. In recent years, as I heard, many magicians try not to use it, since every train is packed with crowds of Chinese and all sorts of other tourists, and on the platform itself there is a gypsy camp and a rooming house for unfortunate refugees from Asia and Africa. But I - Rita Skeeter - am not afraid of difficulties and never disdain communication with the most disadvantaged No-Majs! Therefore, I boldly pass through the gates wide open for all (as part of the fight against discrimination against non-Majs) and get on the world famous platform.

Here I am immediately attacked by 7 or 8 Afro-European non-Majs (I remind you that by a recent decision of the Ministry of Magic, the name "Muggle" is strictly forbidden, as it is humiliating in relation to No-Majs). These cute children first tried to sell me some souvenirs, and then they kindly cut off the bag, in which I prudently put an old wallet with a few small coins - so as not to offend our dear guests.

Having struggled his way to the train, stepping over entire families of wonderful Afro- (and other victims of European colonialism) No-Majs, and having a hard time getting rid of several souvenir vendors (autographed portraits of Harry Potter and rods from his broom, the real teeth of the late He-Who-Who- Not-To-Name, dried mermaid tails, etc.) I finally got to my carriage and tried to get into the compartment, where I dutifully purchased a ticket. However, it turned out that my place had already been taken by a group of non-mage refugees from Kosovo, who rather impolitely kicked me out with a kick in the butt, having also managed to rummage through my pockets, as well as calling me a "nasty kafir witch" and (most unexpectedly - a "Christian whore "although I have never in my life - as a true witch - been to church). But - Rita Skeeter - above all insults, because I understand how hard life is for non-magicians, many generations of whom were subjected to the most severe discrimination and contempt from the so-called "wizard community". I carefully apologized to the refugees who took my place, got down on one knee and modestly said: "Now we are all Kosovars"! And smiling warmly, she gave the unfortunate good Albanian a few more coins prepared in advance. Even his parting affectionate kick in the butt (from which I flew off to the other end of the car) didn’t upset me as much as the parting words that “if you weren’t such an old ugly woman, it would be worth it to r*pe you!” “After all, the Ministry of Magic needs to intensify outreach among non-magicians in order to eliminate the gender discrimination that still exists in some places among the guests of our island as soon as possible. What, after all, is the difference? - If I'm a middle-aged woman, and not a young man, then why shouldn't I be r*ped on this basis?

"Walking around Hogwarts with Rita Skeeter" Part 2.

The journey to Hogwarts on the Hogwarts Express seemed a bit long this time. Firstly, the train was very late, as it regularly stopped when some of our guests needed to get off and they stopped the train using "stop cranes" (they were made specifically for non-mages). At one of the stations in the former East Rostbyshire (now this place is called New Islamobad), the train stood for an hour, waiting for relatives and acquaintances of passengers from Syria to get on it.

In the vestibule, where I had to ride sitting on the floor, they kicked me many times and tried to throw me out of the car on the go, but I'm still Rita Skeeter! - And although it is strictly forbidden to use magic in relation to non-magicians (and I am very law-abiding!) - I still took care of my safety with the help of several hidden amulets and pre-drank potions. Therefore, even after hanging for some time on one arm outside the train, in the end I arrived quite safely. And even with some comfort, since Chinese tourists invited me to their car.

It cannot be said that I was very pleased, since the outrageous segregation carried out by the citizens of communist China, even in the UK, could not help but catch my eye. Firstly, the Chinese did not allow anyone in their car (half-empty so much that there was even a seat for me alone) except for a few white Europeans. And those who tried to break through were thrown out extremely impolitely. Secondly, when they found out that I was a magician, the Chinese did not even think to demand that I get down on one knee in front of them - non-magicians - and apologize for this unfortunate fact. On the contrary, they began to smile at me in every possible way, show affection and take pictures with me. Thirdly, almost all Chinese, it turns out, traveled, consisting in heterosexual monogamous families ... Amazing savagery !!!! However, I will not continue to upset readers with other evidence that somewhere far away in Asia such terrible remnants of communism as gender differences and other primitive intolerant nonsense have still been preserved ... One way or another, I stoically endured all the moral tortures and did not even give these primitive "muggles" (that's who deserves that name!) to understand - how I really resent all their behavior and way of life!