We met on a dating app Halloween night 2016. I had just turned 21 and had been in only 1 serious relationship until that point which had lasted 6 months and ended with me being cheated on but thankfully she confessed right away.
I was definitely looking for a partner and talked to a variety of potentials but we just clicked. We talked for about 2 weeks, mostly PG but towards the end it started getting sexual and it was obvious there was attraction. Mid-november was the first time we met. I drove 2 hours to hang out with her while her mom was away and we hooked up.
In the following weeks she let me know she would be moving an 8 hour drive away. We weren't official at this point but I did feel strong emotions towards her so I asker her to be mine the weekend she moved away. I reassured her I would visit her and that it would work out. For the next 2.5 years we went back and forth visiting each other. I even hopped on a plane for the first time in my life to go see her.
We've lived together since Summer 2019 and up until a few days ago were finally going to rent our own spot. Ive never suspected she could be unfaithful because of how she has shown genuine care and support for myself and my family. Weve been together for some of the most memorable events of each others lives(graduations, parents weddings, vacations) even adopted 2 cats a few months ago.
The last 2 weeks have been especially fun since we started going out to places more. For the first time in years I felt good about where I was in life and I was super excited looking forward.
Sunday morning was normal- she got up and went to church while I slept in. I got the call right around noon. She sounded distraught. " I really need to talk to you.. Can you meet me in the car?". I figured maybe she had an argument with our friend she usually goes to church with or some other issue not related to the relationship.
When I went in her car she was already sobbing. "I love you now more than ever" she said. I dont recall how exactly the words went but she began explaining to me how on Halloween night 2018 she went out to an event with 2 of her co-workers, 1 guy and 1 girl. After the event was over GF dropped off the girl because her drop off point was closest. Not sure at what point GF decided to let the guy drive (GF claims she was super tired by now as it was close to 2AM). By the time she realized it they were in a parking lot and she didn't know where they were.
She explains to me how she had never had any ideas about this guy or any attraction at all but he was being really pushy about "getting any action". Thinking about what happened next really messes with my head. He convinces to her to make out (which she claims was disgusting) for idk how long but once she tried to say enough he kept pushing for more. Eventually they hop in the backseat and the dirty deed is done. According to her, she started crying not long after they started and when the guy noticed he stops, grabs her phone and blocks himself from her snapchat. My gf still worked there for a while but she says they had 0 contact afterwards and would avoid him all the time after.
The way I see it, she had so many options but she chose to cheat on me with someone she wasnt even attracted to, out of pity and weakness to stand up for herself. Now, I do believe her when she says it all came down to being pressured and confused. Shes a super nice person, shy and reserved and I could see how she could've been coerced back then.
It still doesnt change the fact that it happened and ive been lied to for the past 5 years. Once it settled in on Sunday night we talked again and it ended with me asking for space away from her which she respected and stayed with her friend the 2 following nights. On Tuesday we talked after work and decided to try to work things through. She moved back in that night and every night since then we've been especially on each other.
I still feel that I love her but theres something missing. Its definitely the trust but maybe more than that? Ive woken up from nightmares the past 2 nights (rare for me to have nightmares) and they both included themes of being betrayed by her or being made to feel like im not enough. Im struggling to choose where to go from here. I really want it to work but the trust is broken and Im not sure if ill ever get it back. Im afraid staying with her will end up bad for the both of us. Should I risk the pain of being hurt again or put myself through the pain of letting her go. I haven't told anyone about this and I'd really appreciate advice from someone who has been through similar or feels they have something of value to say.
Literally every top comment.
This man took a drunk woman into an unknown, empty area and demanded sexual favors for her safe return home. That's not s*x, that's r*pe
Some of these comments are horrendous. Based on her retelling, this was r*pe.
Actually she didnt lie, she forgot 
I would have put this as a SA and trauma response by forgetting. She sounded naive and taken advantage of.
Lots of she had to cheat or she would be dead
Having s*x with a guy who drives you to an unfamiliar location with no one around isn't s*x, it's survival. The threat is implicit.
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Lmfao, r*pe cant be so bad if you dont even realize you have been r*ped I guess?
Redditors are so fricking stupid.
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This is actually true to some extent, that some survivors of sexual assault don't think of it as having been sexually assaulted. If you ask if something that counts as sexual assault has happened to them, though, they'll say yes.
But that's about men. It's not women who do that.
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