OP in /r/NoStupidQuestions
Wife slapped 3yo son on belly. What do I do
Obvious throwaway account.
Wife (37f) slapped my son (3) on the belly HARD last night. Left a welt and him in tears. She was trying to change his diaper and he was kicking her while she was doing it. Instead of walking away and trying again, she smacked him. This isn't the first time she's hit our kids. She's also slapped our 5 yo daughter in the face months ago because of some meltdown and back talk. We agreed when we became parents that spanking wasn't for us. She's also the one who is all about "gentle parenting" but then doesn't do it. We have a total of 4 kids (7, 5, 3, 1). I work away from home and so I'm not always there to help regulate things. We've been married for almost 10 years. I love my wife to death but I do NOT want her slapping or hitting our kids. I don't know what to do. She's willing to do therapy but I'm still feeling weird about everything. Help, please.
Having one kid is overwhelming, having four? My God. I do not know your family or financial situation but I would reach out to the grandparents and/or hire a nanny. Even 8 hour twice a week can help a person feel like a human again and reduce anxiety by a significant amount. There is no shame is admitting you're overwhelmed. This is not going to go away and it will only escalate with time. Do not neglect it.
Why are you too busy working for money?
So instead I'd talk to your wife about general anxiety, see if she's up for seeing a neurologist for evaluation of depression, general anxiety disorder, or other very real disorders that are easily treated with medications. It sounds like her biggest challenges align with her inability to cope when she feels out of control.
So focus on "coping skills", along with real evaluations by a good neurologist for the disorders that making coping very difficult. She needs to be able to create order when kids are misbehaving and causing chaos.
I'll also echo the other comments that your wife is showing very clear signs of being overwealmed. You need to find some ways to lighten her load. Either be more present yourself, engage with grandparents, hire a nanny. One person cannot carry the burden of raising a family entirely themselves.
Redditor acts like working away from home is a novel concept and not the norm for parents
4 kids all under the age of 10, with 3 of them not yet being in school and you "work away from home"?
Why did you guys do this? Obviously she's overburdened. Physical violence is never okay, but you need to get your wife some help asap.
4 kids and you're away all the time? maybe get her a housekeeper or nanny to help out?
3 year old isn't potty trained. Someone else to blame. Also what if the shoe was on the other foot?
I'm sorry you have four kids under eight and your 3 year-old isn't even potty trained? I'm sure she's extremely overwhelmed. You need to get her some help in there. it's dads job to call CPS and he obviously isn't, so it's certainly not my job
Question - would this be your response if a father slapped his 5 year old across the face and left a welt on his 3 year old's stomach and claimed he did it because he was feeling overwhelmed? Because somehow I don't think you or anyone else here would be as sympathetic or forgiving if it was a man who did this.
Seriously. I'm a woman and I'm getting fricking pissed off with these comments. Don't worry about getting her help right now. Worry about your goddarn kids who are being abused. It doesn't matter why they're being abused. It doesn't matter why she's abusing them. She is terrorizing and abusing babies. Get the babies out. Save your babies. Why the heck is everybody talking about getting her help? Yes, get her help. But first, help the innocent babies.
Chud alert. Someone suggests this is happening more often than OP realizes
I would suggest that she is hitting them more often than just the instances you are aware of
My first thought too. There's no way shes only hitting them when he happens to be there.
My mom used to hit me. I have had a lifetime grudge against her, starting as early as I can remember (around 4).
I genuinely hate her.
I haven't talked to her in 12 years. I have never missed her. She will never know her grand child.
That is one of your wife's possible future.
Jesus fricking christ, the amount of people defending child abuse in here is actually fricking nuts. How on earth is 'parents shouldnt beat their BABIES so hard they leave welts' a controversial opinion in here.
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