My dear commenters, this is an r-slured concept but its pretty fun. You have been given a scenario and you must achieve your quest of getting marsey a birthday present . I will be the neutral arbiter who will help or hinder you in achieving your goal.

You awaken in your room with pj's on. In the fever dream of a nightmare you had last night, a glimmer of truth was revealed to you; you didn't get your beloved cat, Marsey, a birthday present! How foolish of you! You must get your present before the party starts at noon. You also must get a birthday cake, party decorations, and a clown.

Post your replies in a single comment chain, branching paths will be converged into a single path. Post your comments and I'll maintain continuity as they're posted. If it ends up being too much of a clusterfrick I'll just ignore some comments.

!ttrpg

The story so far...

You started the day by drinking some water from the sink. It was salty. You attempted to whip out your monster peepee, but to no avail. You checked your pockets and found a few items (inventory will be listed at the bottom). You asked your mother to drive you and she said she would for 2 bpp (big person points) which you accepted. You put on your gear and washed your face and go downstairs to get a poptart. While mommy is cooking that, you stole her wallet and hid it in your nonbinary anus before getting into the car and driving to the Gigaplex (a mall downtown). You've entered the Gigaplex and looked around. What you saw was as follows: CLOWN WORLD, Freddy Fazbear's freddy fazbear, Greasy's Breadburger Joint, Shopaholic DX, Mark's Mann's Firing Range, Delicious Doggy, Party City, Hot Topic, a pretty big guy, the food court, and a whole bunch of hylics. [You Are Here]

inventory:

[Mildly C*m-Stained Marvel T-Shirt] - a terribly drawn depiction of you and black panther making out

[Grey Sweatpants] - nothing of note about these, thankfully

[Panama Hat] - This hat kind of looks like a fedora so you wear it

[Camo Crocs] - You forgot to put these on. Wait, no they're on. Frick.

[Morbius Backpack] - You HATE this backpck, but the batman one is missing

[Wallet] - Its one of those privacy wallets with the lock and chain, you got it when you were 12 and its barely holding on with a great deal of duct tape

[Bent Fork] - idk maybe you could use this as a weapon or something

[Flip phone] - also obtained when you were 12, only contacts are your mother and your significant other who's off in china probably screwing massive black bulls

[Marsey Meese Membership Card] - its like chuck e cheese if rdrama invented it, you probably have some free pizzas on this thing or something so its worth keeping around

[Mommy's Wallet] - you cleverly stole this from your mommy and hid it in your gunt. This is probably going to be your main source of cash so good thinking

If you don't know how to give more weight to your argument just hit them with the "I'm neurodivergent and one of my neurodivergent traits is that my opinions are more virtuous than yours" card

2k Points, Dark Angels Inner Circle Task Force

• Azrael [Warlord]

• Terminator Ancient w/ Eye of the Unseen

• Chaplain in Termie armor+Storm Shield w/ Deathwing Assault

• Lieutenant with Combi-Weapon

Infantry

• Deathwing Knights

• 10 man block of Deathwing Terminators

• 5 man block of Deathwing Terminators

• 10 man block of Sternguard

Vehicles

• Land Raider Crusader

• Redemptor Dread

• Stormraven Gunship

Comes in at an even 2k points. Super telegraphed about what I'm about to do aka alpha strike the piss out of you with my Stormraven with Azzy+Lieutenant+Sternguard+Redemptor, 10 man block of Termies+Chaplain w/ Deathwing Assault, and yeet that Land Raider with Ancient+Deathwing Knights with 1 unit of Termies sitting back and plinking with the Cyclone.

I kinda want to drop the Lieutenant for something, but I would have to drop Eye of the Unseen on my Ancient for maybe a Terminator Librarian (for the sustained hits) and either stick him with the 10man block or the Knights and move the Chaplain around to be with the other unit. This seems the fastest way to play as many games as I can in the least amount of time with basically a coin-flip win chance with the least mental load.

Thoughts?

There is nothing within the lore of 40k that would justify the existence of the Imperium on the basis of the fact that the Imperium is inherently genocidal, and in the wise words of the best Star Trek character: pic.twitter.com/k832f8XAuy

— Salamander, The Slayer of Somerton (@Sallymander40k) May 14, 2024

Exactly. There's a point where I feel like if you play the Imperium you need to be willing to just lean in to the fact that you're knowingly playing as the faction that's on the wrong side of history instead of trying to contort yourself into a pretzel trying to justify them.

right now he's also doing a worst board games ever bracket