I am NOT OP. Original post by /u/pqsp in /r/AskMen

trigger warnings: none

mood spoilers: >!positive!<

Guys, I fricked up. This amazing man has told me he's falling in love with me. I haven't told him I'm a trans woman. Should I just run away? - 2/23/2014

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1yrqr3/guys\_i\_fricked\_up\_this\_amazing\_man\_has\_told\_me\_hes/

He's charming and sweet, and handsome and romantic, and thoughtful, and everything basically a girl could want from a guy. He has a degree, a great job, is career oriented, wants a family, a serious relationship....we're the same age^(26&27).

But I neglected to tell him I'm trans. I KNOW that I can't keep this from him any longer, I've already delayed having s*x with him because I haven't had bottom and I didn't want him to find out.

He found me, courted me, everything. It sucks guys. What do I do?

I guess what I really want to know(because I assume most of you probably hate me by this point) is what would you do if the girl you were falling in love with came clear and told you she was trans?

I feel like I should just run away? Would that be best?

thanks /r/askmen

updatesss

hey /r/askmen thanks for taking the time to share you suggestions; and at times hilarious and dejected commentary; but none the less, still very insightful. I'll post an update soon and let you guys know what happens.

ps, if you hate me now because of this thread, ya know, maybe in twenty years shit will pan out, but until then since we'll all eventually die anyway, i'm going to make my self happy in the meantime. peace and love

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Top Comment:

>If you run away, he'll be confused and hurt. If you tell him the truth... well, he might be hurt, he might be angry, he might be accepting, there are all sorts of possibilities and few of them are good.

>I'll say this, though: running away might spare your own feelings, but it won't spare his.

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2nd Top Comment:

>Unfortunately, as a transwoman, you need to be upfront when you're starting relationships with men. (At least, from my perspective as a cismale. I really have no idea whether my opinion is standard in the trans community, or if my opinion is considered transphobic.) One concerning thing is the fact that he wants a family. Typically, when men say that, they're not thinking of adoption. It's probable that he wants children that are biologically his. And you shouldn't run away from him. You should accept responsibility for your actions, and explain yourself to your SO. You like this man a lot and he deserves the truth. By running away, the only person you're serving is yourself.

>Now, if it turned out that the girl I was dating and loved came out that she was really a transwoman, I would be extremely hurt, confused, and probably angry. For me, personally, being a transwoman is a deal breaker. But I'm not your boyfriend, so don't assume that it's a dealbreaker for him too

>And I don't hate you at all. I'm sympathetic and I feel bad for you. I don't feel bad for you because there's anything wrong, inherently or otherwise, with being a transwoman (Duh, there obviously isn't anything wrong with it!). I feel bad because you're in a situation like this, where you feel like you have to hide who you are from people, in order to date. This is a situation I totally relate to -- this hiding who you are business, out of fear that no one in their right mind would want to be with you.

/u/pqsp (OOP): I don't know why but your comment made me cry. Thanks for a well thought out reply.

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I'm that trans woman who neglected to tell her BF and I asked you all for advice. Did you guys want an update? - 2/28/2014

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1z6sdm/im\_that\_trans\_woman\_who\_neglected\_to\_tell\_her\_bf/

Here's my OP: Guys, I fricked up. This amazing man has told me he's falling in love with me. I haven't told him I'm a trans woman. Should I just run away? [link removed]

The most common pieces of advice almost all of you had:

Was not to disappear, not to just run away.

Be honest with him and own up to it

Be prepared for the worst

I'm actually trying to keep this post short, and if there's any questions about the dynamics, feel free to ask.

The discussion started with us listing off the reasons why we are attracted to each other, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. After, I came out to him. He said his mind was blown and that his entire world view was turned upside down. That he never, ever, imagined anyone could do this, and that he felt bad saying that but his image of trans people was NOT me.

He never yelled at me once. He never cussed at me once, he asked questions that were important to him and assured me they weren't to "study me" but were because he wanted to know my soul. I have so much respect for this man....

He asked about my youth, when I first knew, when I transitioned, etc. I told him everything.

In the end one of the most mature things he admitted was I had everything to lose. He recognized how much I cared for him and that I cared enough to tell him the truth when it could have meant losing the guy I am falling in love with.

I'm so happy, and I really want to say thanks /r/AskMen I really needed the "guys advice" for this situation. I don't know what I would have done without your community. Thanks ;)

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Top Comment (Editor's note, added comments per feedback in this thread) :

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>So you are still together? If so, congratulations!

/u/pqsp (OOP): yes :) thanks!

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>Wow, he sounds like an amazing person. I think I'm a pretty good guy, and I think I would have ran! I think most men would have!You're lucky he doesn't want kids. Well...I guess adoption is always an option.

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/u/pqsp (OOP):

He does want kids. So do I. We both think adoption is beautiful and I'm positive that if in the future we end up getting married we would definitely adopt.

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Reminder - I am not the original poster.