Pascha isn't until May 5th this year so it's another month of waiting to see if Jesus will see his shadow when he rises from the grave.

Death can suck it!

Redditards do5 understand Jesus. This is why humility is a virtue and pride is a vice

THERE IS NO S!!

ARRRRRGGGHHHHH

!christians

I was at Hardees at 9am on Saturday (after running a 5k so not a fat frick moment frick you cute twinks) and there were about 10 grown men and one 5-year old and the entire time I was in there, they were PRAYING over their meal. I was in there for 15 minutes and they prayed the entire time and it was so CRINGEY lmao!!!!(Matthew 6: 5-8 btw) These dudes were unironically christians and they spent 15 minutes praying to a guy who doesn't exist in a fricking HARDEEs lmfao what a bunch of fricking cute twinks!!

I felt so bad for that poor kid because he was the only one not bowing his head with his eyes closed and you could tell he was bored out of his mind. I felt even worse knowing that there was about a 99% chance that kid was getting molested because he was surrounded by 10 christian men

@HeyMoon

Back before neurodivergents could debate the Zelda timeline, DBZ power levels, or whether Superman could frick Lois Lane without killing her, they made do with overly long arguments about the Bible (if you're wondering why there haven't been any good theologians since the internet, that's why).

The atonement (literally "at-one"-ment) () is how Christ reconciled humanity with its creator. While the Bible says Jesus had to die and rise, there is no detailed explanation of why it had to happen, or how exactly it led to our salvation.

And so were born the many fan theories of atonement. I'll be your shockingly neurodivergent guide, rating each one based on scriptural harmony, explanatory power, cool factor, and how smart they make you sound in online arguments.

!christians

!atheists just pretend this is a video game lore video

Ransom Theory

Summary:

That dumb foid Eve sold out humanity to Satan in history's first woman moment , so we belonged to the devil for thousands of years. But when he saw a chance to claim God's own son, he forgot about us like Leonardo DiCaprio forgets a 26-year-old girlfriend. So God proposed a deal. Satan traded his deed to humanity for a chance to kill Jesus.

Satan saw the money in his bank account and thought the check was legit. Unfortunately, God scammed him, and the Son of Man was seated at the right hand of the Father in glory, while humanity was freed from Satan's bondage. The cross of Jesus was, quite literally, a bait post.

Pros:

• Evil spirits and Satan are major characters in the Gospel, with a lot of power over the human world. If you believe in God, you can't dismiss them as ancient superstitions

• The synoptic gospels contain almost nothing about how Jesus saves except the phrase "as a ransom for many."

• Deep history, probably the OG atonement theory

Cons:

• Based on Jewish history and tradition, the serpent in Eden was probably just a douchey talking snake.

• Satan as an ultimate epochal enemy of God borders on polytheism.

• This theory features God playing by Satan's rules (cucked) and/or deceiving others ()

• Humanity still seems ensnared by sin, and Christians struggle with it greatly.

Rating: 5/10

Christus Victor

Summary:

Much like yoga, this one's either a few decades old or a few thousand years old depending on who you ask. The death and resurrection are a great cosmic drama where Jesus took on the powers of sin, death, demons, and humanity's wickedness, and emerged triumphant. Jesus smashed the gates of heck, freed the souls in bondage, and opened the way to heaven for all eternity. With Christ's defeat over sin and death, we are no longer captive to them, and Christ will lead all who desire him to salvation.

Pros:

• Awesome

• Cool name

• Captures the majesty of Christ's passion in a way that transactional models don't

Cons:

• While the resurrection is a clear triumph over death, it's less clear how death on the cross could be a triumph. Yet the crucifixion, not only the resurrection, is Christ's great deed.

• The world still seems like a place where evil wins on the reg.

Rating: 8/10

Satisfaction

Summary:

God is so deeply offended by human sin that we must pay a terrible price to satisfy his honor. Unfortunately, no matter how much you do the daily quests and watch the fricking Hero Wars ads, you can never earn enough Glory Points to pay God back. To reconcile this, God sent Christ, the God-Man. The death and resurrection of the sinless son of God created such a massive amount of GP that it overflowed infinitely. Christ could freely share it with humanity, allowing the elect into the presence of God.

Pros:

• Christ gives a good thing rather than absorbing a bad thing.

Cons:

• Literally a Brandon Sanderson magic system

• Instead of paying the ultimate price, Jesus could have waited another 48 hours for the energy gems to recharge.

Rating: 4/10

Penal Substitution

Summary:

The punishment for sin is death. But someone else may receive it in your place. Jesus, the sinless Son of God, the perfect sacrifice, absorbed the wrath of God on behalf of all mankind. We need only to humble ourselves and accept this gift.

The Bible contains many cases of sin and its punishments being transmitted or transferred from one person or thing to another (eg. original sin, multi-generational curses, animal sacrifice, children punished for the actions of their parents, the scapegoat, Jews killing chickens ). Regardless of our intuition that sin must equate to personal guilt, the Bible suggests it's more of a dark spiritual energy like some Kingdom Hearts BS.

Pros:

• Unlike OG ransom theories, this does not force God to play by Satan's rules. Instead, humanity is doomed because of God's holiness yet saved because of his mercy.

• Led to an awesome hymn, "Jesus Paid It All."

• Consistent with sacrifices throughout the Bible, concept of transferrable sin

Cons:

• Metaphorically a Brandon Sanderson magic system

• Why does God have to do anything to forgive sin, much less kill himself?

• Christ being sacrificed to God makes more sense if Christ isn't God

Rating: 6/10

Moral Influence

Summary:

Jesus' purpose was to show humanity how to live. Christ's life contained a mixture of instructions on how to live, and miracles to demonstrate that we should listen to him. Through life he demonstrated perfect sinlessness, through death he demonstrated absolute submission, and through resurrection he showed us the final reward for those who keep the faith.

Even if this sounds lib-coded, you can't dismiss this out of hand. Jesus had a lot more to say about right action than about fiddly cosmic esoterica. And he said, many times, that we will be judged by the way we led our lives. Any sin can be forgiven, but faith means more than just saying the right creeds and begging for forgiveness when you watch anime porn. It's a way of life with physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions.

Pros:

• Engages with the gospels and the actual life of Jesus

• Can be combined with other theories

• Inspires continued self-examination and right action

Cons:

• Both scripture and life experience teach us that no one is righteous

• Seemingly needs other theories, ignores the "ransom" concept, doesn't explain why Jesus had to die

• No guarantee of salvation

Rating: 5/10

Governmental Theory

Summary:

Similar to substitutionary theories, but has Jesus paying "a price" rather than "the price." God uses the death of Christ to demonstrate his justice and the seriousness of sin, but it wasn't a literal transaction. God further declares that Jesus is our refuge from the penalty for sin.

Pros:

• Preserves God's agency. He set the price of sin and the way to avoid it. Not a magic system.

• "He just did it that way, okay?" is easier to believe and comprehend than "actually it had to be that way because wordswordswords"

Cons:

• If Jesus didn't have to die, the whole thing seems crueler or arbitrary.

• Forgettable, regularly confused with Satisfaction and Penal Substitution theories.

• "He just did it that way, okay?" is basically immune to further analysis.

Rating: 7/10

I wrote an overly long about my own personal synthesis but this post was getting long enough as it is. Maybe another time.

What do you think, rdrama?

"...But that's just a theory. An Atonement Theory!"

18 “Do not allow a sorceress to live.

19 “Anyone who has sexual relations with an animal is to be put to death.

20 “Whoever sacrifices to any god other than the Lord must be destroyed.[e]

FRICK

SORCERESSES

@HeyMoon

🇵🇰🎥 | Pakistanis nearly killed and beheaded an innocent woman over a dress!

🔹 These people do not need to understand you nor have the ability to even read before they call you a kaffir and behead you!

This is the education and IQ level of Shia haters and takfiris in general! pic.twitter.com/Lshjqo2qAT

— 🇮🇷 Rydro | عباس 🕋⚔ (@Rydro313) February 27, 2024

Oh wait, its not !christians ofcourse it the muzzies. Christians never do this. This is a PSA on how tolerant !truth members are.

@Sasanka_of_Gauda how did you miss this?!

!sangha IMPORTANT