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Sexplain It: We're in an Open Pansexual Relationship, but No One Will Sleep With Us :marseypikachu2::marseyattentionseeker:


Dear Sexplain It,

My partner (nonbinary, assigned male at birth) and I (cis woman) are in an open, pansexually-fueled relationship. They recently started going by more gender-fluid pronouns and clothing, and I am so proud! Since we’re both sexual beings, we’ve been on Tinder, and they’ve been on Grindr.

I want some advice on how to throw a sex party! I just moved to Denver and want to get down and dirty, but not sure where to start. Also, we can never find anyone on these dating sites that want to fuck the both of us. It’s one or the other, and it’s SO FRUSTRATING!

That said, we really haven’t been finding anyone to play with either separately or together. Hence, SEX PARTY! Any advice on how to throw one? Obviously, we’ve tried going to awesome queer-friendly bars and clubs but have had very little success getting a threesome or orgy started.

Facebook seems so 20th century and kinda embarrassing, so not sure where to look! Maybe that’s where I should start? Eek, please help!

—Sexually Frustrated Bunny

Dear Sexually Frustrated Bunny,

First, I can't express how much I love the phrase "pansexually-fueled relationship." Letting you know now that I'm going to steal that.

Unfortunately, I'm not as onboard with your "hence, SEX PARTY" logic. If you've struggled to meet partners thus far, how will you lock in attendees? People aren't going to magically appear at your home just because you announce you're throwing a sex party. (Site note: They also won't automatically want to fuck both of you just because you're hosting a sex party.) Throwing a sex party isn't a solution to your problem---it's something you can do after you've solved your problem by other means: namely, finding the queer/swinger/polyamorous/kinky "scene" in Denver.

All it takes is meeting one person or one couple who's in the scene; they'll introduce you to everyone else. You mention that you've been using Tinder and Grindr to meet potential partners, but those aren't the best apps for your specific needs. I suggest using apps that cater more to queer, sexually-adventurous folks looking for thirds/gangbangs/sex parties: FeeldSniffies, and FetLife.

Feeld is geared toward the non-monogamous community, from polyamorous people to couples looking for a third. (In my personal experience, there are also a lot of queer folks in the "scene" on Feeld who can take you to play parties and introduce you to other likeminded people.) What I really like about Feeld is that you and your partner can link your two accounts to clearly show you're a couple, while still retaining individual profiles. You're much more likely to find partners DTFYB (down to fuck you both) if you can prove you are two autonomous people, instead of some sketchy "joint profile" situation where potential partners aren't sure who they're actually talking to.

Sniffies is specifically a queer male cruising app, and there are a lot of bi guys who use it (myself included). I've had threesomes with mixed-gender, pansexually-fueled couples on the app. I recommend that your partner create a profile and mention in their bio that they are pan and looking to have a threesome with their female partner. Then go ahead and message all the guys on the app who state that they're bi/pan. (Normally I wouldn't give this advice re: assuming any bi/pan folks are open to a threesome, but on Sniffies, a cruising app, these men are indeed looking for three-ways.)

Last but not least, I suggest getting on FetLife for their "munches": non-sexual meet-ups where you can meet other kinky/poly people.

Getting on the right apps and finding your community will hopefully solve your core problem of not having any partners. Then if you still want to throw a sex party down the line, you'll actually have attendees.

As someone who's hosted multiple sex parties and attended well over 100, I can't resist giving you a few tips.~~\


When throwing a sex party, you want all the necessary supplies: Condomslube, wet wipes, sex toys, etc. "For your first play party, pick a sexy theme that will encourage others to dress up and be playful before they arrive," says Claudia Aguirre, co-founder of Luxury Lifestyle Vacation, which runs sex resort takeovers across the globe. Underwater, wild west, winter wonderland, circus, and red wedding are all classic themes. Then create an ambiance with lights and candles and decorate your space in line with the theme. You should also make a little sex playlist for the occasion, so you're not constantly futzing with the music.

Lastly, I recommend doing a spiel once guests arrive. Start with any house rules (e.g., are there places guests can't fuck?). Then move into consent guidelines. Below, I've provided an excerpt of what the consent monitor reads at the door of BISLUT, the mixed-gender sex party I throw in Brooklyn. We handed out a piece of paper for all the guests to read out loud.

"All right, now in order to make sure that everyone has the sluttiest, creamiest, and sexiest party, we need your help to create a safe, inclusive, and inviting party.

As a group, please read out loud what you see on the paper I've just shared with you.

I understand that BISLUT is a party for ALL sluts and will respect each person's experience.

I understand that consent is a vital part of respecting each person's experience.

I understand that consent is ongoing, grateful, reversible, enthusiastic, specific, and very, very sexy.

I understand that sexual activities are fun, collaborative, and sometimes silly activities that I have the privilege of experiencing with others.

I understand that I do NOT need to partake in any activities and that I have complete agency to be my sexy slutty self all by myself.

I will bring my communicative, open, friendly, kind, and sparkly self to all at the party."

From there, let the crowd run wild and get your freak on! If, by the time you throw your party, you still haven't found partners who are DTFYB, perhaps you can have one-on-one sex in the same room, side by side?

Wishing you all the best on your journey to find your sex-positive people!

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

I hope they throw a sex party and end up sitting in the corner crying in their own house while the other degenerates are jizzing all over each other and their couches.


i hope they all catch monkeypox and end up disfigured for life


disfigured for life

Sounds like they already are since no one will fuck them :marseysmug2:

I pray every day that Allah see fit to mutate monkeypox into an extremely deadly disease. :#marseysalat::#marseyinshallah:

Perhaps he will heed the prayers of his most loyal servant


:!#chadjihadi: This would not have happened had you not disrespected Islam :!#marseyhead:

super deadly diseases don't spread very well

We're talking about people who can't go a week without having an orgy

:!#chadjihadi: This would not have happened had you not disrespected Islam :!#marseyhead:

MANY such cases

We are well and truly in the endtimes. And God help us all if we’re not.


people being kinky ain't a new thang, so probably not end times.



Close enough tbh. What we really need is pic of the letter writing couple

—Sexually Frustrated Bunny

Artist Re-Construction


Only woman he's ever touched is prolly a 🚂🚃🚃. What a cute twink

Lmao @ "We're openly incels. Give us an op-ed!"

journ*lists: "Ok"

Ugh. Wish I had that threesome unicorn image of the one time FDS was intentionally funny right now.

We're in an Open Pansexual Relationship, but No One Will Sleep With Us

This is why

My partner (nonbinary, assigned male at birth) and I (cis woman) are in an open, pansexually-fueled relationship. They recently started going by more gender-fluid pronouns and clothing, and I am so proud!

There is no way that they cant find a moid on grindr that will fuck both of them, unless she weighs more than the moon. Even if he is a 0/10 there will be some desperate-enough-to-be-on-grindr "straight" guy who would let the dude blow him for a chance at that fussy (fat-ussy).

*Picture is intended as representation only. Actual pansexual couple may be significantly heftier than depicted.

There are five attractive people on fetlife :marseyitsover: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I need to make an alt: "ReasonMokeypoxHappened"


Oh, go crawl back into DeuxRAMA, or GoldandBlack, or whatever other gross anarchocapitalist incel spawnpit you originally crawled out of. Mammals are talking here, Pepe.







sex toys:

Luxury Lifestyle Vacation:

It's actually called bisluts, wtf. They're real.

Its because you're hideous sweety

How can they fuck up posting on craigslist and inviting any degen moids that answer?

It's not an accomplishment

It's not an accomplishment to know how to post on craigslist? Okay, well I'm sorry that you feel that way. I guess we all have different standards.