lol Guardian posted a femcel article i'm not making this up

I'll try first posting this on TiA since I know they'll seethe at this. If anyone's got any ideas for other places for me to post this into, let me know.

https://old.reddit.com/r/TumblrInAction/comments/qavhth/the_guardian_just_posted_a_literal_femcel_article/?sort=controversial

Television presenter Katie Piper, who is building an online community for people who don’t fit beauty stereotypes. Photograph: Tolga Akmen/AFP/Getty Images

Mary also refuses to use dating apps, due to the number of married men seeking affairs and the difficulties she has in building connections. “The #MeToo movement was extremely important, but, at the same time, it created polarisation in society,” she says. She believes that, as men attempt to “relearn” the best ways to approach women so that they feel safe and comfortable, it can discourage some from making a connection at all. “It’s like nobody knows how to date any more and the fast-paced culture of apps means nobody has the patience to get to know someone.” She says the men she encounters are almost always looking for someone younger than themselves.

According to Silva Neves, a s*x and relationship psychotherapist with the UK Council of Psychotherapy, it is not uncommon for women to struggle to find a partner they find physically attractive, especially as they get older. “Society places a higher importance on women’s beauty,” he says. “We absorb and internalise this misogyny on every level and even women are more likely to criticise another woman’s body than a man’s. You often see women putting more effort into their appearance as they age because they have been taught it’s important in a way that men haven’t. But a lot of women complain that they struggle to be attracted to men, because they have let themselves go.”

While many men still prioritise beauty, Neves says women’s other successes, such as education, wealth or a good career, may be deemed threatening. In a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, Richard Vedder, an economist and senior fellow at the Independent Institute, a libertarian US thinktank, said that men make up only 40% of the university student population in the US. Women are outperforming their male peers academically and delaying having families in pursuit of financial independence and a career. While this might be considered a positive step forward for society, it has left some men feeling adrift.

The stereotype of the male hunter-gatherer remains quite prevalent and at times I think they feel they don’t have a role

Elaine, 37, who has been celibate for five years, feels her successful career has played a role in her dating difficulties. “Men don’t like the fact I don’t cook or clean, even though I pay for someone to do both jobs,” she says. “The stereotype of male hunter-gatherer remains quite prevalent and at times I think they feel they don’t have a role.” Like other women, she is seeking an intellectual equal and is not interested in finding someone who will take care of her. “If you don’t fit in a Barbie box and do all the domestic duties, it can be quite upsetting for some men.”

Yvonne, 28, recognises the same traditional values in men her age. Despite numerous attempts at dating on and offline, she has never had a relationship and doesn’t engage in casual s*x. “I don’t necessarily need to be with a man who has a degree, but I want to meet someone who is intellectually curious, with the same values,” she says. “I think men can be intimidated by education and career success. In online dating especially, it always seems to come down to appearance only. I even know people who get professional pictures done as they know looks will be the first thing men see. As a Black woman, this can be especially hard, as even Black men seem to prioritise light-skinned women.”

Although she experiences loneliness, Yvonne is determined to stay positive. She has an active social life, enjoys a wide range of activities and subscribes to Nicola Slawson’s Single Supplement, a weekly newsletter that celebrates the joys of single life and supports people through the more challenging aspects. She also reads the work of the US author Shani Silver, who writes candidly about single life. “There are lots of women who are joining communities of other single women and sharing their experiences,” she says. “It’s certainly a much healthier approach than some of the toxic, woman-hating platforms that some men inhabit.”

Femcels and women who struggle to find relationships are sometimes accused of misandry, especially by male incels. Yvonne counters that any resentment women feel is more likely to be turned inwards. “The biggest difference between men and women seems to be that men feel entitled to s*x and relationships, so it’s the fault of women when they can’t get it,” says Yvonne. “Women seem to internalise the issues and be more likely to blame themselves.”

Neves argues that while misogyny and misandry are both unacceptable, they have very different roots. “Misogyny is an ideology which dictates that women should be seen as objects, without the same rights as men. Misandry is mostly a reaction to misogyny and informed by evidence. We shouldn’t put all men in the same bag, but at the same time it’s hard to criticise women who have had negative experiences.”

Like Yvonne, he believes that women are more likely to devalue themselves, rather than others. It is one of the reasons he would like to move away from the term “femcel”: “When women label themselves as defective, it becomes part of who they are and how men define them, rather than something that can be overcome.” Although he doesn’t underestimate the trauma that some women experience due to bullying or poor self-esteem, he is hopeful that there will be healthier ways for women to fight back in future.

On Instagram, for example, which is known for perpetuating unrealistic beauty standards, a growing number of women are resisting these norms. Campaigners such as Lizzie Velasquez, who was bullied due to a congenital condition, and Katie Piper, who survived an acid attack, are building online communities for people who don’t fit beauty stereotypes, while others are raising positive awareness about skin conditions and different body types. “I appreciate it can be incredibly difficult, but I would encourage women to surround themselves with these accounts,” he says. “You can have surgery or change your looks, but ultimately it shouldn’t be linked to your value as a person.”

It is something that Caitlin is exploring. “I’m trying to become more positive about finding alternatives to a sexual relationship,” she says. As well as channelling energy into building her self-esteem, she is trying new activities and communicating with other women. “Of course, not all male incels are involved in extremist online forums, but those that do are feeding off their hatred of women, viewing us as possessions or something to conquer,” she says. “Involuntary celibate women seem to be handling their anger and hurt in a more evolved way, throwing themselves into work, life and healthy communities where single life is celebrated. I hope it can inspire me to feel more confident in my own situation.”

Some names have been changed

guaranteed drama on the right subs

tl;dr: femcels exist, men most at fault.

Elaine, 37, who has been celibate for five years, feels her successful career has played a role in her dating difficulties. “Men don’t like the fact I don’t cook or clean, even though I pay for someone to do both jobs,” she says. “The stereotype of male hunter-gatherer remains quite prevalent and at times I think they feel they don’t have a role.” Like other women, she is seeking an intellectual equal and is not interested in finding someone who will take care of her. “If you don’t fit in a Barbie box and do all the domestic duties, it can be quite upsetting for some men.”

lol, she claims men are intimidated by her success and then immediately says she won't date down

foid moment

Every woman quoted in the article blames men, but the last one (after blaming men for being intimidated by her intellect, success, and for preferring lighter skin toned women) says, “Women…more likely to blame themselves.”

I wish they posted face next to each quote.

State sponsored matchmaking but only if you have a normal BMI. Good luck, both sides.

When will this cultural appropriation be stopped

Theirs is a non-violent resistance.

True (because they are weak women)

Rather than blaming the opposite s*x for their unhappiness, as some of their male counterparts do, femcels tend to believe their own “ugliness” is the root cause of their loneliness.

Bullshit, they still blame men. But they are also ugly, so at least partially true I guess.