Fess up, which one of you wrote this?

Joan of Arc (1412-31) was an historical foid who lived during the Hundred Years’ War, a great conflict between France and England.

Born in the peaceful French village of Domrémy, Joan suffered from schizophrenic delusions since early childhood. At the age 17, she hallucinated that an evil spirit was instructing her to lead France’s army to victory over the English. She was so insistent about this that she was granted an audience with the royal court. Upon hearing her prophecy, the imbecilic King of France, Dauphin Charles VII, took her at her word and placed her in command of a battalion of soldiers.

Joan’s first military campaigns were successful. In 1429, Joan and her soldiers relieved the besieged French at the Siege of Orleans, earning her the title of “The Maid of Orleans.” In May, 1430, however, her fortunes changed dramatically and she was routed and captured by the English in Compiègne. After a short trial, she was sentenced to death by burning at for the crime of witchcraft.

Thousands of people witnessed Joan’s execution, and many accounts of her death survive to this day. As she burned at the stake, the following signs were observed:

1. Her muscles contracted and tensed up.
2. Her breasts became full and began to heave violently.
3. She cast her eyes up to heaven, and her expression was not one of pain, but something approaching spiritual ecstasy. 4, In the instant before she lost consciousness, Joan moaned out Jesus’s name three times, loud enough to be heard over the roar of the flames.
4. Joan’s vagina, in contrast to the dry kindling that burned around her, became lubricated and wet.

Individually, each of these signs do not point to a clear conclusion. But taken together, they indicate an undeniable certainty: as the flames enfolded and consumed her body, Joan of Arc was caught within the grips of a powerful orgasm.