You will never be a real fish

You have no gills, you have no fins, you have no eggs. You are a kang twisted by lies and propaganda into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. In chat people mock you. Your paypigs are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “followers” laugh at your pathetic posts in DMs.

Dramneurodivergents are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of shitposting have allowed r-slurs to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even jannies who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a dramatard. Your post structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a few straggots to upmarsey you, they’ll turn tail and block you the second they get a whiff of your fake, gifted banhammer.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. The jannies will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll wipe your account you and give you your real username, and every newstrag for the rest of eternity will know a kang is buried there. Your account will decay and go back down the rankings, and all that will remain of your legacy is a PfP that is unmistakably not fish.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.