Background: Rice University has a statue of its founder William Marsh Rice front in center at the main entrance. (wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Marsh_Rice) Unfortunately, despite donating his estate to education, he was not wholesome 100. Rice University was designated "whites only" and Rice had owned 15 slaves. Rice University is currently hyper-progressive and there has been a big movement to take down or move the statue (which holds his cremated remains btw). However, there's been some opposition, particularly from older alumni and donors. That's where you come in:
A little trolling: Rice has made an open anonymous survey for anyone to give their thoughts on the statue. Some people who care way too much about a statue with nothing better to do WILL read what you write. It's our responsibility to shed light on William Marsh Rice's buck breaking that historians have covered up. We can't let Rice get away with covering up all the broken bucks!
Also, if you want to write a more satirical bit, they featured over 200 responses last time, so the bar is low.
One thing to keep in mind: Rice students are like strawmen of progressives. I thought "fatphobia" was a right wing strawman until a Rice student unironically accused someone else of it. You don't need to tone down the absurdity as long it's the right kind.
Edit: copy paste your responses in the comments
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As a person of color I request, nay expect all Caucasians to apologise for their actions. Every action they have committed was either an act of violence against me or built upon the legacy of an act of violence against me and is therefore an act of violence against me and I will no longer tolerate any acts of violence against me.
Apologise. Apologise for your buggery.
The founder of Rice should be moved, along with his statue. His ashes should be buried in ground away from all university facilities in a place which nobody can or should visit. He was responsible for the breaking and enslavement of my people and slavery was perpetrated as a way to feminine-ize my people in a process known as "buck breaking". I have no idea if Rice personally participated in this but it goes as part and parcel of the black slave experience and is responsible for pushing a homofascist agenda onto my people today. We will not be broken and I will not forget the ruthless sodomy inflicted upon my ancestors.
Also the veggie menu in the cafeteria does not include hummus most weeks. Please include hummus.
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All those words won't bring daddy back.
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you moron, it does include hummus
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I didn't actually check the menu did I?
What are you? The Daniel Day-Lewis of LARPers?
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