Background: Rice University has a statue of its founder William Marsh Rice front in center at the main entrance. (wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Marsh_Rice) Unfortunately, despite donating his estate to education, he was not wholesome 100. Rice University was designated "whites only" and Rice had owned 15 slaves. Rice University is currently hyper-progressive and there has been a big movement to take down or move the statue (which holds his cremated remains btw). However, there's been some opposition, particularly from older alumni and donors. That's where you come in:
A little trolling: Rice has made an open anonymous survey for anyone to give their thoughts on the statue. Some people who care way too much about a statue with nothing better to do WILL read what you write. It's our responsibility to shed light on William Marsh Rice's buck breaking that historians have covered up. We can't let Rice get away with covering up all the broken bucks!
Also, if you want to write a more satirical bit, they featured over 200 responses last time, so the bar is low.
One thing to keep in mind: Rice students are like strawmen of progressives. I thought "fatphobia" was a right wing strawman until a Rice student unironically accused someone else of it. You don't need to tone down the absurdity as long it's the right kind.
Edit: copy paste your responses in the comments
.webp?x=8 "Nuzzles, pounces on you, UwU, you're so warm!..")
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gonna try to say the name of the university is racist because rice was stolen from bipoc by colonists, and should be renamed to an indigenous grain like maize.
here's what I ended up writing
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