EFFORTPOST Please Don't Study English - How To Completely Ruin Your Life

My name @sneedman, but I have also existed within the dramaverse as @acebarbieboy. I'd like to come clean today, explain how I utterly fricked up my life, and give a cautionary tale to any even vaguely thinking of walking in my footsteps. My life is so destroyed at this point that the only solution is suicide.

THE GENESIS OF A DREAMER

As a child, I've always loved literature and reading. It's something that hasn't changed much, and I still voraciously read. When it was time for me to enter university, I did what everyone told me the smart choice was - study computer science. But I was also studying English at the time and I loved it.

I ended up majoring in English and dropping computer science. I didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of the end. I studied with passion, and had my postgraduate studies funded through scholarships. After getting my Masters, I started my PhD.

It was at this point that I paid attention to the fact that I'd need a job afterwards. No problem, I'll just become a lecturer! So the job applications began :)

MENTAL ILLNESS

I should reveal at this point that I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. I've been on and off antidepressants and I've got fricking degenerate self-harming coping methods. They come and go, and during the worst times, I can get very absurd ideas about life and reality.

Sometime in 2022, I had one of those moments. In response, I cut off all contact with everyone I knew online, moved cities in real life, and resigned myself to a life of complete isolation. I was not done with my Ph.D. yet, but I was in my final year (I thought), and I no longer needed to be at the university in person. I had a job too. It didn't pay much, but it was enough for me to support myself.

The plan? Save up money for about a decade, then retreat to a life of isolation in the woods after establishing a homestead that is fully self-sufficient.

ASEXUALITY AND INCELDOM

I am very ugly, extremely dark, short (5 foot 2), and socially awkward. During my time studying English, I learned about gender theory, feminism, and queer theory. It was wonderful to learn about asexuality. The label fit me perfectly, and for years I wore it without question.

It was only this year, after some distance from university, that I discovered the bitter truth - I am not asexual. I am a very lonely incel. Unfortunately, there is no escape from inceldom from this position. No woman in the universe wants anything to do with a 5'2 mentally ill poor black man.

AFTER DISASTER

After my "live in the woods" delusions wore off, I realised I'm looking at a life of the following: no wife, no children, no family, no love, no intimacy. The darn asexuality meme snatched my 20s away from me. I also have no friends and I live in a city where I know nobody. This is what I wanted, right?

PLEASE DO NOT STUDY ENGLISH

Here's the thing - lecturer jobs don't exist anymore. Less than 10% of PhDs will get academic positions, and the rates of tenureship are even lower. Even if you're a stellar student, the odds of you actually making it into academia are so low, you might as well aspire to be a celebrity. If you have mental illness, are a brainlet, are incapable of networking, then you're REKT.

During my year of insanity, I produced no academic articles. I also fricked off my supervisor and made no contact to build any academic relationships. The result? Countless job applications to academics positions to no avail. To be clear, the jobs themselves do not exist, and when they do exist, I am facing competition as stiff as a boner.

Here's the zinger - my fricking PhD thesis got rejected and now I have to spend an additional year on it. Of course, I have to pay for this additional year because I no longer have funding so now I am paying for a qualification I know will not serve me at all.

WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU STUDY ENGLISH

You will not become a lecturer. You will not become a famous writer.

You will be pushed to your limits emotionally to earn a useless qualification. If anything happens to you during your post-graduate year - let's say a family member dies, you fall ill - it's over. You'll fall behind in publications and YOU'LL NEVER CATCH UP.

You will be exposed to ideologies that will turn you into a firehouse of "social justice" and you will alienate people in your life with your self-righteousness. It will warp your self-identity, and you will struggle to develop normal relationships with women. You will be forced to write and say deeply racist things.

You will be poor. You will be depressed. You will regret it severely. Nobody gives a shit about your English PhD. You offer no value to the world.

I fricked up so badly. I was literally studying computer science. Had just one fricking year left. And I decided to switch to English. Now I'm a poor, lonely, shameful incel with no hope in life or reason to live. I'm so ashamed of the squandered opportunities I had, the sacrifices my parents made just for me to become absolutely nothing in this world. I can't show my face and I know what the next step is. I'm afraid of it - nothingness is so horrible - it but I can't bear life any longer either.

It's beyond over. The only choice now is whether to pick the rope or overdosing via trepeline.